It is now 16:55, I have just arrived in the hostel and haven't even performed my 'asr prayer.. That is the best medicine I need right now, and I mean it, I really need it... Few hundred minutes ago I thought I was so strong in braving the world, but now I'm crumbling to the tiniest ragged pieces right in the middle of everything that is fast forwarding.. I have never realized before (though I have anticipated earlier) that in this wide world, people who hate me soooo much do exist. I guess my mere existence is a subject to be despised of. Really I'm worn to tatters with those slicing words.
The idea of being 'punched' directly in my haggard face is not an alien anymore~ I've experienced it bitter and shocking. It makes me wonder, have I failed in strictly following the course outline on how to be a good muslimah???.........................
If I ask for a person's favour but that person refuse, then I won't go around accusing and getting mad. It's her option, It's her right. As far as I can remember, I have never even once in my 23 years of life, tell a people that her akhlaq is very buruk. Who am I to judge? As if my akhlaq is extremely perfect... I learn to accept people as they are, because I am perfectly aware that I am just another human being trying to share with others, the good points in life. But after all these, my soul has just been bashed to an irreversible death.
Really I am tired physically and psychologically hence the extra-useless article. Let me emphasize for i hope the last time, this blog is so useless! I have never asked anybody to read it by the way, and if anybody hate this blog as much as you hate me, don't bother to type the url ummuameer.blogspot.com~ This blog is not an ilmiah one truthfully, it was created merely to mark my insignificant existence in this world. Please.. let me share at least a tiny piece of the global digital world which I can call a 'home'.
I'm losing bit by bit of my own personality~ Ohh it's dissolving and disappearing.. Awful-
I need to escape. Is there any hideout where I can seek refuge? I am in desperate need to be alone...
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1 comment:
Salam Maryam,
Seriously I don't think ur blog is useless.
There r various ways of writing.
Ilmiah or not, that's not the issue. The main thing is that when we write, we should try to at least convey some positive message to the readers. All muslim bloggers should have this kind of objective in their minds.
In this sense, I believe u've done a very good job. Keep it up.
Wassalam
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