Pray and be patient

this morning i went to the ward just to keep myself busy, while holding my breath hoping that the dark memory from yesterday would be washed away. Spent few minutes with 2 patients (including melayan sorang kakak who was very anxious that her baby was still in breech presentation~huu was only 32 weeks in pregnancy pun) then bergayut pulak dgn Ummi at the ward corridor then straightaway went to ECM. (ait apekah gunanya pergi ward only to spend my time bergayut dgn Ummi?? hehe). Talking to Ummi gave me such a huge relief. Ummi told me to pray to Allah, pray, pray and pray.. kat siapa lagi nak berharap di dunia ni???? Yeah it's true. Ummi told me to be patient. Life is a test, but i keep forgetting that fact...! Life is just for a while, but the hereafter is for eternity.. So what am I desperately searching for in this non-permanent, temporary, short period in between my birth and death?..... Worldly satisfaction perhaps.. Astaghfirullah

Shika Jr needed a good bath (euwww) plus I needed time to be alone plus my tummy craved for Pizza (Boycotting Issue noted!). I guess once in a while i need good food. Didn't intend to buy anything anyway (currently on tight budget!!). After half an hour of a good quiet walk passing by all the shops residing in the ECM, and entering the unluckiest few (because I wasn't even in the mood to do window shopping, let alone willingly empty my purse in exchange for goodies. I just needed a lonely walk), suddenly the mall became so noisy with some kind of show- some cheerleading or aerobic dance if I'm not mistaken. It was irritating (the show and the loud music of course, the tight outfits, the mingling between boys and girls), so I hastily grabbed my pizza and went out, heading for Maybank. (Aiyaa I have to accomplish so many things even on saturday)

Yesterday I went to Klinik Kesihatan (Governement Clinic) to do HIV test, which I have procrastinated for few months, met with a pakcik, bringing his form 4 daughter, seeking for treatment. i had just entered the clinic, when my eardrum suddenly captured a high-pitch cruel voice of a nurse, obviously she was mad at something. Pak cik tu mengadu macam tu lah klinik kerajaan.. I just nodded in agreement. I don't even have the gut to go to a governement clinic if not for the HIV test which is mandatory to be done in a Klinik Kesihatan. Well that is life. The treatment is not free anyway. You pay with your dignity.

Today a friend told me how sad she felt because she didn't manage to do CP. Again that is life. You chase the doctors around, pretending that you don't even realize that the word 'dignity' exists. In the end you get rejected but you still turn away, smiling, though your heart bleeds to hypovolemic shock!

As for me, i write on so many pessimism lately, all because of yesterday's incidence. I think I have the sila-kemukakan-aduan-anda-disini appearance thus the numerous aduan I have received despite my whereabout.. but it's good you know, at least I know Allah tests me very lightly, and all I have to do is to pray and be patient :)