Nothing much

Thursday is reaching the end..and Friday is about to wave welcome :D geee I AM truly happy about that...but simultaneously anxious for my revision that doesn't progress well ~sigh~ :(

[blackout. i mean the electricity was cut off ]

Alhamdulillah it's already friday!!! :D Planning to swim with Kakak just to make the time passes by even quicker hehe..


swimming pool was closed! and instead of burning few hundred calories, i encouraged the depositn of few fat cells, while in the same time secretly hoping the extremely hot weather will produce some effect on the calory-burning thingy.. at least i swam in my sweat while sleeping huu

it's almost Saturday! [wide smile], 6 more days to go! and it seems impossible to finish revising [a flicker of regret].. well..nothing much i can do about that.. at least i have tried.. managed to finish few notes Alhamdulillah.. hopefully those who utilize the notes will pray for my success as well hehe (I am solely depending on His mercy right now..)

Ask me, whether I feel anxious about the exam (especially when everybody is sweating while reluctantly approaching the exam and I am grinning all the way doing the countdown!) Truth is, I think I am the MOST ANXIOUS person..because I desperately need the elective posting huuu (should I fail , I have to do remedial here in Malaysia..) alas what can a helpless 'abd do other than placing the hope in the Almighty... and I am sure He will give us the best insyaAllah :) though sometimes the best is the hardest thing to accept

tonight I make a point to watch Ketika Cinta Bertasbih 2 with Asma'.. not knowing how will the movie affect me in anyway.. I hope it will :)

Do pray for pray for us pray for all the muslims :)


A reminder for myself and for those hearts that want to be reminded..

Alhamdulillah I'm finally home :) Yesterday was hectic..a half day exam & post-exam discussion, then I drove back alone and upon reaching Shah Alam, we went out (Asma' n me) for a swim huu.. and now I'm stiff and myalgic all-over.. Allah knows how many years had went by without a swim! Plus the hydrophobic nature of me.. and to remember that I ended swimming classes neither pleasantly nor gracefully some 10 years back huu... I actually cried when I was asked to jump into the deep water (a depth of 2.5m if I remember correctly)

Today is Wednesday. Ya Allah!!!! 5 days before the exam..and I'm yet to start studying seriously..! Today is the day! Definitely today is the day when I have no other choice but to glue my eyes to the textbooks, force the brain to digest and ignore all the muscle cramps...

A reminder for myself....


11 hari yang lama

Alhamdulillah revision week has officially started :) Alhamdulillah that I manage to reach this point..Alhamdulillah for the trip back to KL tomorrow [wide smile :D]. Still not in the mood to do some revision despite abang's continuous advice.. it has been a while since anybody advised me to study :D i think ummi & abah surrendered doing that starting when i was in primary school hehe.

I still don't have any strategy on how should I study the subjects of all 5 postings huu, despite that I manage to make few notes, mainly on Anaesthesiology and Opthalmology. 1 thing I am most sure is, I should be home first, then perhaps the neurons will start to work :D

Abang and me has started the countdown again..rindunya hati ini pada abang... hambarnya hari2 yg dilalui tanpa abang.. life is indeed a cycle. when I opened my inbox, I read our countdown sms before I went to Jordan in January. SMS yg abg bg 3 minggu sebelum berangkat..10 hari sebelum berangkat..SMS from abg wishing me good luck for Ortho exam, another SMS when I was on my way back to KL, when I was about to board the plane and encountered so many probs..then another sms when he was so relieved that i managed to board.. when I was in Doha.. and finally when I had arrived in Queen Alia Airport (Jordan)..then the sms when I left Jordan...when I read those farewell smses, kesayuannya masih terasa..

Skrg bila abg kata "3 minggu lagi ayang"'s indeed a cycle :D..13 hari lagi..12 hari lagi..11 hari lagi... I manage to give a feeble smile.. 11 hari yg lama!

Today we have CPR course.. alhamdulillah I've passed the exam and obtained the license..license as a CPR practitioner.. eventhough I don't know when will I need that skill..and should 1 day I need it..entah ingt atau tidak.. at least..whether I will still have the confidence to do it..

Post-CPR course, I waste my time in the library.. niat nak revise Dermato for tomorrow..but I write this instead. Still not in the mood for revision... Hopefully tomorrow and the subsequent tomorrows will be better.. :D

Hotline for babies :p

Surrounded by pregnant mommies :) That's me.. my phone number dah jadi hotline :p Gara-gara ibu-ibu mengandung minta nasihat.. takpun minta tolong translate/ interpret the findings in the pink book (buku follow up pregnancy) setiap hari pasti ada hehe nasihat dari 4th year medical student yang entah mcmne reliabillty [grin again]. I come to understand the responsibilty of a doctor since I was in the matriculation (oh awalnya??) I think simply because there isn't any doctor in the family. Family abah, family ummi... penuh dgn org SENI- businessmen, accountant, architects :) Maka budak matric medic pun jadilah utk mereka rembat and consult for FREE :p The enquiries arrive anytime, despite in the wee morning hours.. A doctor has to be ready anytime, and give to the community..insyaAllah.

My housemate is pregnant. My sister is pregnant. My bestfriend ijat is pregnant. my sis in law is also pregnant. Ramai lagi..
And they keep updating me on the pregnancy progression.. it's wonderful Alhamdulillah. Due date baby Ijat sama dengan due date baby kakak..25th July. Tapi baby ijat kuat tendang, berguling2 and mcm2 lg projek dlm perut..seperti kata Ijat :p Tapi baby kakak the movement is negotiable..a flutter.. Kakak scanned her baby.. it's a GIRL :D.. and ijat?? a BOY. hehe. patutla baby ijat ganas, BOY rupanya..and kakak's girl is more sopan, malu2 gitu hehe.

Kakak went to a Diagnostic centre, paid for a 3D scan..and know what? she (the baby) is so cute..she looks just like the mother!!!!!!! and sibuk juga menendang and tutup muka dengan tangan.. and chubby..rasa nak cubit2. she got the pic framed, and a cd with the recording of the scan (it was a 45 minutes scan)

Abang? Abang sangat excited tengok gambar 3D baby kakak, and semakin galaklah menyatakan keinginannya utk mendapat baby hahaha. He became even more excited bila tengok gambar baby nihlah (haha abang, org saje2 je tunjuk, dia pulak excited lebih2 :p)

And me? Aku semakin teruja tengok barang2 baby for my first niece insyaAllah :) As usual window shopping online, sambil in the same time promote to Asma and Ummi utk beli brg baby :) The definite choice: PINK!! Really can't wait for the baby. And I start to read dengan rajinnya (melebihi kerajinan membaca Kanski) on the tips to educate a child.. untuk menetapkan hati... mana tahu rezqi kami pula lepas ni..? :'P insyaAllah


Moga coretan hari ini menjadi coretan yang lebih bermakna..
moga coretan hari ini menjadi coretan yang tidak diganggu emosi..
moga coretan hari ini menjadi bingkisan ilmu untuk dimanfaatkan..
moga coretan hari ini lahir dari hati yang sentiasa ingin memperbaiki..
moga coretan hari ini diiringi redhaNya..

Kalau diikutkan hati, pasti aku tidak akan meberikan diri ruang untuk menulis kali ini.. ditambah pula dengan kepayahan utk menggunakan komputer dan access internet.. sesungguhnya buku tebal Kanski Ophthalmology sentiasa mendambakan perhatian yang tidak sudah, dan nota2 komputerku sudah lama terbengkalai.. maaf kepada sahabat2 yang suka menggunakan nota2ku, rasanya inilah posting pertama aku tidak membuat nota sendiri..sedari tahun 1 dulu.. ada kekesalan yang bertamu.. dan acapkali aku terlupa akan fitrah hidup manusia sentiasa diuji..sehinggakan ujian sekecil laptop dicuri membuat aku melatah tidak sudah.. abang juga yang selalu jadi mangsa.. maaf sayang.. (aku tahu abang akan tak pernah gagal utk baca blog ni...)

Pasti ramai yang hairan, kenapa aku masih tidak mencari pengganti..pengganti Pink-chan :) Entah kenapa, hati ini masih belum mahukan pengganti, walau saban hari aku mengeluh susah..dan menyesakkan dada abang dengan keluhan2 itu.. bukan abang tidak offer utk memulangkan Lavender-kun, bukan juga abang tidak offer untuk membelikan laptop baru...tapi aku yang enggan.. mungkin masih mahu mencabar diri..sejauh mana aku mampu bertahan seandai nikmat ditarik sebegini.. seringkali terlupa nikmat adalah pinjaman, dan tidak ada satupun yang pernah menjadi milik kekal, namun aku marah ketika ianya diambil kembali oleh pemiliknya...astaghfirullah

Semalam menjadi hari yang wajar untuk diteladani..semalam adalah semalam yang aku harap tidak akan berulang.. semalam aku terasa berat diuji..semalam aku seakan berhenti untuk berharap.. berharap pada Dia yang maha memberi..

Semalam kunci kereta rosak..entah kenapa setiap kali enjin dihidup atau dimatikan, akan ada bunyi kuat dari tempat kunci pintu.. mula2 aku takut utk pandu Shika Jr, tapi setelah diselidiki, kunci pintu yang bermasalah rupanya..maka aku beranikan diri.. dan Shika Jr sudahpun terlebih 200km utk diservis..ah aku gagal untuk menjaganya.. kesibukan memang tidak memberikan aku ruang waktu menghantar Shika Jr ke pusat servis.. hanya mengharapkan untuk pulang ke KL dan servisnya disana..

Semalam aku sendirian di rumah.. masing2 sibuk dengan tugasan, tambah lagi final exam semakin menjelang..maka tidak dapat menemani aku dirumah..dan semalam aku mengadukan masalahku pada semua orang..pada Ummi Abah, pada kakak, pada abang..dan aku menangis dengan teruk dari petang sehinggalah malam..keluargaku seperti biasa tidak mengizinkan aku berseorangan di rumah..bahaya kata mereka.. aku disuruh menumpang bilik kawan di hostel atau mencari hotel.. tentulah aku lebih takut utk ke hotel.. maka aku ke UIA.. menangis lagi sehinggalah aku tertidur tanpa berbuat apa2.. matapun bengkak, sehinggakan ke saat ini masih enggan surut.. memalukan.. kasihan abang yang turut terkesan ketika aku seda sedan dalam telefon semalam.. pasti dia yg lebih susah hati kerana berasa tidak mampu untuk berbuat apa2..

Perkara yang acap ku lakukan saat emosi tidak menunjukkan tanda2 untuk reda..adalah mencari bahan bacaan. Apa-apa saja bahan bacaan yang berguna.. Dan entah kenapa semalam aku mencapai sebuah buku milik Mimi.. Mendidik dengan Cinta. Tidak ingat karya siapa.. tapi yang pasti buku itu merungkaikan tips2 mendidik anak.. barangkali kerana terlalu ramai sahabat yang menimang cahaya mata akhir2 ini, sehingga aku juga terkesan.. atau barangkali kerana abang tidak sudah2 menyatakan keinginannya untuk menimang cahaya mata.. sedangkan aku sendiri? entahlah..aku masih keliru..

Dalam buku tersebut membincangkan 3 type anak. Anak yang sgt3 berdikari (anak yang mudah), anak yg agak berdikari namun kadangkala sedikit takut2 (anak yang sederhana), dan anak yg sentiasa bergantung pada ibu bapanya, selalu menangis apabila dipaksa (anak yang sukar). Oh, apabila terus membaca, aku bukannya belajar bagaimana mendidik anak, malah refleksi kepada diri sendiri betapa aku adalah anak yang sukar dan tidak habis2 menyusahkan Ummi dan Abah! Aku akui sehingga sekarang, aku masih 'membuntuti' Ummi bila ke majlis2..dan aku slalu menangis bila dipaksa eg bila dipaksa utk beramah mesra dengan org yg kurang rapat.. yang lebih teruk.. ketika sudah berkahwin..aku bereaksi sama bila menziarahi saudara mara abang terutamanya di aidilfitri.. memang aku menangis apabila dipaksa abang untuk berjumpa ramai orang..bila disuruh menaiki kereta berasingan dari abang.. astaghfirullah. Ini memang kes ketam mengajar anaknya berjalan.. bagaimana aku dapat mendidik anak nanti jika aku sendiri masih bersikap demikian.. abang pun suka bergurau, mengatakan abang risau nanti bukan baby kita yang nangis, mummy dia yang slalu nangis :p

Membincangkan soal anak..bagiku sangat berkait rapat dengan konsep doa, usaha dan tawakkal. Teringat saat sebelum aku bernikah, satu perkara yg selalu aku luahkan pada Ummi.. aku bimbang akan menjadi miskin! Hmm jujur aku katakan, meskipun bunyinya pelik..tapi itulah kebimbangan utama yang selalu aku nyatakan pada Ummi dan Mimi! Mungkin org jarang fikirkan ttg prkara ini.. tapi menjadi isu utama padaku.. mungkin kerana aku tidak ingat bagaimana kehidupan serba kekurangan..entahlah aku tidak tahu apakah aku pernah merasainya mahupun melaluinya.. dan Ummi selalu menceritakan bagaimana susahnya kehidupan dia dan abah disaat keluarga kami baru mula berputik.. bagaimana ketika kami kecil, mereka terpaksa berjimat kerana Ummi tidak berkerja, dan bergantung harap pada gaji abah yang masih kecil diawal karier..dan abah selaku anak sulung pula, meberikan belanja pada opah, tok dan adik2nya.. bagaimana dia ketika sarat mengandungkan anak sulung, menaiki bas awam untuk membeli barang2 keperluan bayi, bagaimana enjin kereta 2nd hand mereka selalu saja meragam dan berasap dan terpaksa acapkali berhenti dalam perjalanan panjang pulang ke kampung.. aku sesungguhnya mengalirkan air mata deras apabila mendengar kisah itu.. sugguh hebat pengorbanan mereka.. tapi kata Ummi dia bahagia walaupun susah.. dia bahagia kerana dia melalui semua itu bersama abah.. dia bahagia kerana dengan segala kepayahan.. anak2nya kini hidup agak senang, berpelajaran Alhamdulillah.. dan aku disini bimbangkan hidup miskin??? Apa sangatlah kurang sedikit dari harta asalkan kaya dengan bahagia, cinta dan redhaNya?..

Dan setelah menjadi isteri.. abang banyak mengajar aku untuk berkorban..abang banyak mengajar aku untuk tabah..walaupun aku agak main tipu.. sebab abah masih tanggung keperluanku :p Ketika diawal perkahwinan, aku selalu bersembang dengan abang..merancang kehidupan bagaimana yang kami mahukan.. terkadang aku jadi malu bila berbicara dengan abang yang penuh dengan kerendahan diri dan hati..dan perkara yang sering abang nasihatkan supaya aku tidak boros.. aku jadi tersentuh bila abang katakan,
"ayang nak beli baju apa lagi? baju ayang ni penuh berapa almari ntah, baju abang satu beg ni je" (beg yang dia gunakan ketika pulang dari Jordan),
"ayang beli tilam RMxxxx, ayang tahu tak tilam abang RMxx je"
"laptop ayang kan masih elok, kenapa nak beli laptop baru? abang takde laptop pun, ok je.."
"berapa byk handphone yg ayg ada ni? ayang tahu tak, handphone abang ni abang beli dari kawan abang, abg guna sampai sekarang walaupun dah xbrapa elok"
dan banyaaaaaaakkk sgt lgi... sesungguhnya pasti hisabku terlalu lama diakhirat nanti untuk dipertanggungjawabkan dengan segala perkara yg aku miliki...

dan kini bila berbicara tentang anak..meski aku yg slalu geram tgk baby... tp aku sndiri yang enggan berhenti utk merancang.. sehingga abang kadangkala letih... aku mungkin terlalu kaya dengan alasan.. aku taknak mengandung skarang sebab nanti abang takde waktu bersalin.. taknak bersalin waktu aku tangguhkan housemanship sebab nanti mahal nak bersalin di Jordan..taknak mngandung and dapat baby waktu houseman sebab nanti letih and baby tak dapat perhatian... akhirnya bila lagi?? anak pertama dikala umur 30 tahun? anak kedua umur berapa pula??

dan akhirnya aku kembali berlari seperti anak kecil mengadu pada Ummi.. Tapi Aku menangis, mengatakan aku tidak mahu bersalin tanpa abang disisi.. Cemburu barangkali melihat kakak, yang disaat dia sarat mengandung, masanya banyak dihabiskan dirumah, Cemburu bila setiap kali membuat rawatan susualn kandungan, suaminya akan mengambil cuti dan menemani ke klinik.. sedangkan kehidupan aku selalu memaksa untuk terus berdikari dan bersendiri.. sehinggalah ketika bekerja nanti.. Tapi jawapan Ummi memang tidak ku sangka, "Kamu asyik fikir banyak sgt sampai takde penyelesaian, susahlah. Berkorbanlah sikit, apa salahnya utk kebaikan family juga". Aku jadi terkedu.. sekali lagi aku miskin dalam tawakkal.. Aku seakan kurang mengimani Maha Pemurahnya dia.. yang pasti tidak akan membiarkan hamba-hambaNya begitu sahaja.. kemana perginya cita2 perjuangan, sedangkan aku terlalu mengejar dunia.. astaghfirullah.

Dan hari ini aku membaca karya Ust Pahrol..tentang bagaimana untuk bahagia sepanjang perkahwinan.. begitu membuatkan aku teringat soalan yang sering aku ajukan pada abang, "Abang kita bahagia ke? Abang suami isteri lain macamana ye?" Dan jawapan yang abang beri, "Abang tak tahu pasangan lain mcmne, tapi yang abang pasti abang bahagia". Aku hanya mengangguk. Dalam buku itu ketumakan mutiara.. bahagia itu bukan pada org yg tidak mahu beranak ramai kerana takut shape lari (pedasnya, alasan yang sering aku berikan pada abang untuk memiliki anak maksimum 2 org huuu, sedangkan abang mengimpikan anak 7 orang!!!!), tapi dalam sama2 membesarkan anak 12 orang. Romantik itu bukan dalam candlelight dinner, tp ketika sama2 menikmati ikan gulai tempoyak dalam satu pinggan.. hatta ketika cucu sudah satu lori ramainya...

untuk itu, abang, maafkan ayang pada kurangnya pengorbanan... terima kasih utk sms peringatan dari abang...

If ayang inginkan seorang suami yang sempurna, suami ayang bukanlah orang yang selayaknya
if ayang idamkan suami yang perfect, suami ayang bukan pilihan yang tepat
if ayang sanggup bersusah dan bersabar untuk secebis bahagia
Abang orang pertama yang bersedia!

mungkin sudah terlalu panjang aku mencoret.. yang pasti aku mengharapkan disaat aku terleka nanti, kiranyana dapat ku tatap kembali bingkisan penuh keinsafan dan mengingatkan kembali..bahawa aku masih terlalu jauh untuk menjadi seorang Mujahidah.. aku masih terlalu jauh untuk menjadi seorang isteri solehah.. permisi dulu utk kuteruskan muhasabah dan berubah... doakan......



Alhamdulillah I am done with the 1st week of Ophthal posting, and have just finished the e-logbook for the first week. Definitely it is the best logbook i'll ever have.. something similar to a blog or a diary?? It's 6.30pm am I am still in the library..trying to make some computerized Ophthal notes~ urghh trying to avoid a dreadful weekend. I actually should go home (in Kuantan) now and do some cleaning and washing..but home is where the dreary feeling flourish. Especially when my housemate is happily riding the bus to KL huuu it gets to be very lonely. And the other housemate- her family's coming

Sorry for the pessimism. But everybody seems to belong.. I went back home during lunch and saw a neighbour- a family who was busy packing things into their car..balik kampung probably. And I have this miserable ENT stuff tomorrow :( Now I really hate medicine, and I really hate Kuantan. I hate the CPR course on monday of revision week, and I extremely hate the dermato exam during the revision week.. I just want to be home.....

But in the grave, we'll definitely be alone..


An excerpt from life..

Thursday marks the 2nd last day of this week, which happens to be the 2nd last week of specialized posting. And me? Definitely I can't wait for it to be over huu.. having chronically intoxicated my group mates with the word "Malasnye.." (which I happen to use not infrequently for the past 3 months)

Having just presented an ophthal seminar this morning, and waiting for another presentation in 20 minutes time.. reviewing the slides should be the only reason I'm stuck in the library cc, and yet I am being naughty leaving some imprint in the blog huu..

I think I have reached the stage when time takes time to move on, well it decides to stay there, and lock me in a frame where I can scream for the calendar to at least flip to the next page! That was when I decided blog hopping is actually interesting :) Stumbled upon a blog entry on Isteri Solehah, I ponder upon the 1 year journey which we (my husband and I) have hand-in-hand traversed. It doesn't feel that long.. something that only a couple who lives far away from each other will understand :)

Treating both matters as a solitary topic, staying far from a husband doesn't grant me the passport to be free from the responsibility of a wife. Well that is one thing I learnt the hard way hehe. And now I have no other choice but to grievingly admit.. it is hard to be a good wife when one is far from the husband. Abang will eagerly say yes if I ask the question, "I make your life miserable when I'm not with you, am I not?" (of course trying to ignore that I make his life miserable when I'm with him as well uhuh- [a bitter small laugh which sounds like a barking cough] Handling the emotional bizarre of 2- yup definitely that is what a husband has to do [wide, cheeky smile], wolfing down all the blames from the wife (at least if the husband perceives all the wife's whinings as blames when the gynae species actually adopt whining as some kind of a hobby) hoping it will reach the rectum fast, trying to make a perfect futuristic plan for the family including kids..and the wife does nothing to make the whole picture better?? that is sooo unJUST!! ahh, probably i'll try to be better huuu...

[crying and crying] abang, lama laa nak habis exam..

[trying to console] tak lama.. 3 minggu je lagi ayg akan ada disisi abang insyaAllah

[not consoled] lama.. ayang rasa lama 3 minggu tu..masa tak gerak2 pun

[fed-up] a'ah abg pun rasa lama laa...

haaa life can sometimes be so funny :p



Another dragging 2 weeks of ophthal..before another extra-dragging 1 week for revision (T_T)..the final exam... and poofff to Jordan again insyaAllah. ENT viva wasn't that well uhuks but I still treat myself to a weekend at home :D Anticipating a bleak future for the next few weeks [it's became even nastier once we were informed of a dermato exam, a CPR course and what not which will be held during revision ~sigh~ when I have carefully planned for a wonderful breakaway period in Shah Alam :( ]

Attended an Orthopaedic CPC on friday, was surprised by the degree of orthopaedic knowledge loss from my brain huuu.. Well in just almost 3 months, all the terms sounded very strange.. and that kinda jerked me into reality.. I don't have much time to waste before the final Pro..definitely a significant shortage (at a loss) Will definitely start revising soon InsyaAllah :D

Abang is extremely busy with the USIM thingy (their 3rd year medics are visiting Jordan for some clinical experience ??? :O) and yup I have to admit I hate the neglected feeling aha :p USIM, silalah balik Malaysia cepat ok. So I try to busy myself by making a brain model using plastics and cardboards huuu (definitely mcm budak tadika) and I guess I'm quite satisfied with it. 'Busying myself' is absolutely not complete without online shopping huu so I kinda raked out abang's money (again huuuu. sbnrnya abg yg berhati mulia nak belanja ok :p) for a piece of black dress (hua hua), making us poorer by RM100+ (baru-lah sibuk menyimpan duit ngan abang utk beli rumah huuu, da shopping lg). 2 solid months without abang T_T

Neurology has always fascinated me.. however, upon entering ENT posting, I had realized that I had almost forgotten the entire bulk of neurology..especially neuroanatomy.. T_T I wantED to be a neurosurgeon, so is abang.. but I can just imagine the workaholic me putting my family at stake hehe when I blend into neurosurgery.. so that's it- a dream down the drain. But never mind, one should study lillahitaala, and I guees that's adequate for me right now, even though I have to postpone housemanship for a year T_T hint2x again


Borang Muhasabah Umar al-Khattab

This very idea is not my is Dr Raja's. The name Borang Muhasabah Umar al Khattab was also given by him.. So I just do my duty to propagate it..

The problem with most medical students is..they do not know what they do not know.. So he told us to create this form..fill in the 'disease' column with some of the common diseases (me going to check it in the ward, they do have a list :p), then every day for each of the diseases, if you can recall (recall as in you have memorized it and try to give some output) the other subtopics namely the pathophysio, sign & symptoms etc (but I just add the clerking and short cases part to make sure I do my clinical duty haha), tick in the box..then by the time you want to sit for the pro know how to study efficiently and avoid redundancy while unconsciously abandoning some other important happy studying :)

Bolus infusion of motivation

Alhamdulillah I am finally home :D was making a plan to at least feed the brain with some knowledge of medical flavour this weekend..and guess what? was greeted yesterday (upon arrival) by such THICK medical books which abah has just bought huuu. Ahh there goes my leisure time for baking..down the drain ngee~ Once I was rebellious when we were asked to use Nelson's TEXTBOOK of paediatric (mind you it's not the ESSENTIAL version, but rather the one you would use to become a paediatric consultant). I was not going to be a paediatrician, so I claimed. Then we were asked to use the thick Apley (the one that can impart sudden death to an average built dog once you throw the book to it), definitely the rebelliosity recurred. Despite that I managed to soothe the feeling, telling myself that should I buy the book, I have no other option but to pursue further in Orthopaedic Surgery gah~ And now.. as Kanski's Clinical Ophthal and Habif's Clinical Dermato which weigh 4kg each meekly stare at me in the face (I actually weighed them!!! considering that I have to meticulously calculate the ATPs needed to pull it out from the book rack, put it on the table, open it and flip through the extra-many pages, and the ATPs which I have to reserve for putting it back on the rack after reading it... not much ATPs left precisely for the brain to carve in the infos huh?? That's basically Dr Raja's theory haha) I guess I don't have much choice but to be docile and appreciate them. Be frank, the very thought to be a dermatologist or an ophthalmologist scares me out of my skin..what a meek life huu. Probably I should just let the idea sink up to the sacral level and undergo complete calcification...

ENT I personally perceive as a little bit more interesting compared to the rest of specialized postings.. though I know that I flunk the anatomy part excellently- no doubt..but at least I get the adrenaline rush just by being intimate with Snell's Neuroanatomy again, Alhamdulillah :)

And I don't know which ghost of either Kumar or Clark is possessing me right now that I feel so high spirited to read the book haha and definitely can't wait to embark the journey of final year huu (napela bersemangat melampau ni??) Basically because I can't wait to graduate!!!!!!!!!!! huuu. How I really hope I can join my colleagues doing the housemanship........... (hint2x)