Saya ni pemalas!

whoaaaa i took a long antenatal break from blogging :D truth is, i was in such a troll-like mood to write anything T_T. final exam was on last monday and tuesday...and i'll officially be a pathetic O&G-rian this coming monday and for the coming hazardous 7 weeks T_T

Speaking about the past posting and the recent final exam.... well, i can't say much...considering the negligible attendance, the ample absence from classes, the nauseating days, the extreme lethargy... let us start from my poor logbook performance T_T which obviously didn't meet the requirement. for 1 thing i had only 1 case presentation when everybody else did at least 4 CPs. to tell the significance, a difference between 2.5 marks which i got as compared to a full 10 mark obtained by others, man that was sure significant! when you don't come to the ward, obviously you miss all those procedures which need to be recorded in the book. And come to exam, I am more than happy to anounce, that I still have this NV (the nausea especially) and I vomited up to the morning before i departed to the exam hall huuu. Makanya saya tidur, tidur dan tidur.

The first day of exam was such a mess. First the MCQs were kinda hard. then for the OSCEs, i forgot to answer 1 question out of 5 questions... down the drain my 20% went. I thing my mind was not ready to cooperate, I was tired and all. if I could answer the rest of Qs excellently, that would be OK, but the prob is I was so weary to think! I first interpreted the ECG strip wrongly, and afterwards continued to stare at it..and said, Oh, it's a heart block... but the bell was so eager to ring and mark the time limit,,so aother 20% down the drain.

As for the clinical. I got a case of mitral stenosis in failure with Dr hasnur, which I didn't do well, and for the short case a steroid-induced Cushing syndrome due to nephrotic treatment with Dr Marzuki...which was not ok either. haha everything was not ok :p At times I kinda hope to fail so that I can use that as a reason to postpone my study (well I mentioned earlier, I'm so not in the mood to study. Kenapalah saya pemalas sangat ni!!!!). The thing is, life doesn't work that way. I am haunted by medicine my whole life huhuhu, because by hook or by crook, I have to finish whatever that I have started (sadis tak??? hehehe)

But above all these, I am soooo happy for my baby which is growing well alhamdulillah. I had a scan 2 weeks ago, (I practically scan the baby at 6th, 8th. 10th, 12th and 14th week amounting to 5 scans so far huuu) and was informed that I have a baby boy ;D well, of course i need to scan again as that was early. Sincerely speaking, I was initially shocked with microscopic upset feeling (refusing to believe that I have a 50% chance to get a boy haha), but I have started to enjoy the sweet fact :D I am now a proud mom who shop for a boy (although I can't refuse to look at the pinky winky thingies, and so I end buying them for safiyya :DDD), but guess what? 2 days ago, we bought a pink stroller for our boy!

Abang: Ayang nak beli pink juga ke? Macam perempuan la..
Me: Nanti yang nak tolak stroller tu ayang, bukan baby :D
Abah: Why did you buy a pink one? what if the baby is really a boy?
Me: [wide grin]

Agak punah la harapan untuk pakai matching outfits with a daughter...but INSTEAD... when we walked in parkson yesterday, i accidentally saw such a sweet light pink soft satin baju melayu for a 1 year old from afar and shrieked "Abang, comel!!!!!!!!" and both of us immediately went to check it out haha.

Abang: Tahun depan kita beli baju ni. Nanti abang beli baju melayu yang kita nampak tadi (earlier we saw exactly the same shade of baju melayu for an adult)
Me: Erkkkk (abang la pulak nak pakai matching outfit huuuu). Emm kita beli kain, tempah baju semua orang (me, abang and baby) dengan kain sama.
hahaha mommy taknak mengalah!

Today I bought a 6-12 month pink shirt for safiyya, and a 3-6mth beige shirt for my baby, with exactly the same design so that they can wear it together nanti hehe.
Alhamdulillah so far we are almost done with the shopping. And not enough with the shopping restriction for my clothes for 3 years, today abang officially put a ban on buying baby's outfit as well huuu T_T. Drawer baju tu macam dah tak muat nak tampung baju baby huuu. If you decde to have the second one 10 years later, of course you do not want to miss the opportunity to shop for the baby....tapi Ummi cakap...
"Biar Allah soal kat akhirat nanti! Membazir je"
Yang sebenarnya our baby tak sabar nak inherit baju dari kak safiyya hehe. :D

Safiyya dah berat dan panjang. She was born at 3.4kg, reached a weight of 5kg at 1 month old, and currently wearing a size of 3m/o. Dia bulat dan sangat kuat menyusu!! Tapi disebabkan we have labelled safiyya as budak kampung, everyday, I bathe her in the sink in the kitchen, using purely tap water haha (yep, saya suka mandikan safiyya dan dengar dia jerit2 hehe). Dia suka kena bounce laju2, and tepuk kuat2 haha. ( a mild dose of tepuk bontot is not effective to sedate her to sleep :D)


A weekend with Safiyya :D

safiyya tidur sambil tarik rambut. safiyya stress ke ni??
safiyya tidur ganas! macam2 aksi. dia ni memang pandai keluar dari bedung. pastu kitorng ckp safiyya ni budak kampung, tak pernah pakai seluar! diapers corak hawaii pulak tuh huu

nak pakaikan safiyya socks tapi safiyya kecik sgt! so nenek do it manually, letak rubber band je kat socks safiyya hahaha

It is a weekend well spent with the little one Alhamdulillah. Finally I managed to touch, pinch, kiss, hug and torture Safiyya on her 13th day of life hehe (hey Safiyya welcomed my presence with her poo and vomitus haha). Well she did behave when she sacrificed her sleeping time the evening all of us came back home, I guess she was kinda overwhelmed with all the attention given, and tried hard to stay awake despite accidentally falling asleep few times.

Safiyya rarely cries, she only does so when she's hungry. Itupun menangis kurang ikhlas ekk-pause-ekk-pause-ekk hahaha. Safiyya sangat ringan and kecik and adorable and wears that emotionless expression all the time. But she smiles very frequently now, not a social smile though, she's just working out the muscles and making sure everything is functioning :p

Looking at Safiyya really moves me to tears at times.. looking at the innocent face..and the sad expression when she's desperate to feed (she really knows how to catch our sympathy by making the pitiful face!!) and I keep thinking of the babies that were abandoned, thrown away like a rubbish, and become the meal for animals and maggots... I imagine how they cry because they are hungry, how they cry for some love and attention, how they cry because they feel cold, and how they cry to death.. sangat sedih... there are times when I feel extremely hungry or extremely in pain enduring the gastritis and I have people around me to help.. there are times when I wake up in the middle of the night, crying due to some stupid nightmares, and I'd pick up the phone to call abang, sobbing like mad looking for consolation, there are times when I feel that life is cruel, and I'm glad to have those who care, lending me their ears and offering me words of motivation.. well we are not babies, and yet we still need others to help us to move on.. I think of all these when I look at safiyya. Sometimes safiyya wakes up suddenly and cries hysterically, I guess she experiences nightmares, and I love to cuddle her and make her feel convinced that it is just a nightmare. Sometimes she cry mildly so I hug her and sing to her, and she would continue to stare at me in such a peaceful way until she fall asleep..those stares really make me understand that more than anything else, each and everyone of us want to feel cared and loved.. and sometimes she cry in such a sad way, like a heart-touching howling.. I guess it's her way to tell us that she's famished! hehe and I'd nag the mama to breastfeed her immediately.. a weekend with safiyya is indeed a weekend well spent. an innocent baby reminds me about life and all its beauties Alhamdulillah :) do spread the love especially to the dependent the children, to our parents :)

p/s safiyya is so lucky to have great mama n abah, atuk yang suka kejutkan safiyya dari tidur sebab nak main dgn safiyya, nenek yang rajin mandikan safiyya and backup safiyya (hehe ummi ckp kalau lambat bagi safiyya menyusu bila dia dah nangis, nanti berdosa), aunties who love to take care of her, and uncles yg pandai check pampers safiyya berak ke tak hehe