3 weeks

3 weeks into O&G.. there was a day when I felt like I couldn't move on..when I wanted so much to march on forward, but there isn't a path which I could identify..when I felt like the future was a bleak monent placed in a infinite yonder, and my heart seemed to drown in horrible blend of palpitation and uncertainties..that is O&G to me.. Abang kept saying, "you have survived Ortho & Paeds, why shouldn't you survive this one? I don't know and I don't know.. Allah has always planned something for each and everyone..

I just want to stop, for few precious moments, to remember that I am a doctor- no matter how lame and unappealing it sounds. And abang has been very kind to bring me to Big Bad Wolf on the very first day the sale started. It was a shopping spree that spanned from 12am-6am! A happy me tagging abang home with a trolley luggage full of children books! Plus 4 books for me, and 1 book for abang. Ameer Faheem deserves it!. He sacrificed so much by not having enough time to spend with us throughout his growing up years. May he grow up to become one tough mujahid!

I actually went there this morning for the second time.. this time around with Yasir. Abang is tagging in Medical. I brought home 2 novels! Not a romantic one of course. I love reading crime thingy.. And also few interior design and garden books, for abang and me to browse through before going to sleep.. a habit which we have adopted for quite some time..

A piece of earth to grow a garden

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

Now I do feel old, when December is welcomed with school-related stuff. Hey we actually registered Faheem for school next year :P December approaches, we start to peep into the wallet so as to pay the school fees, extra notes to buy school uniform etc. Our Ameer Faheem is indeed a grown boy Alhamdulillah. He should be, as he has a new adik (cousin) now.

He is much much tolerable now, less naughty, understands instruction and keeps saying "Gi Solah" (Pergi sekolah) We brought him to the open day, and he seems to enjoy having colleagues. He talks much exactly like Daddy, he lullabies me to sleep when I come back home from work feeling very tired, and he sings a lot!
(Faheem suka gosok kepala mummy and daddy sambil cakap "Sayang, sayang" and kiss us, and massage us hahaha kelakar betul. He copies exactly what we do to him. Tapi geli betul bila jari halus dia urut, rasa macam kena tickle)

I'm finishing paeds soon insyaAllah. 4 more working days before I move to the  'Department Orang Garang', O&G to be specific. I welcome paeds farewell with a very open heart :).

Am recently very much reminded of a scene in the Secret Garden story, when Mary Lennox stood before his uncle in his study, and was asked "Tell me what do you want? Is there anything that you need?" And she answered, "I want a piece of earth, to grow a garden.."

I don't know from where this garden craze surfaced, but that's what I keep telling abang, "I want a piece of land, to grow a garden". Obviously we dont have a land, we live in a flat :p. But still being an accomodative husband, abang brought me to the plant nurseries in Sg Buloh, and we chose the trees that we like and surveyed the price hahaha. That is one thing about abang that I doubt I can find in anyone other than him, he is absolutely like my sisters when we were small, we believe in dreams, that someday it will come true.. He listen to my 'secret garden' plan, we talk on how our dream house will be, we just believe that a dream won't always be a dream if only we act on it insyaAllah.

P/s Asma gave birth to a cute boy 2 days back, and my sister in law, Huda just got married Alhamdulillah. 

P/S Abang I love you!

Sometimes you just have to pick yourself up and carry on!

I was scrolling through my facebook profile page when I came across a pic of an orange carrying its own self... with those wordings.

Oh i've forgotten about that, but what a much-needed reminder.

It's true, sometimes you are not even laid with any choice but to force yourself and just move on..

I've gone through few adaptive phases which at times really drain me out. First it was the marriage-during-studying period. I've gone through that, yeah I've gone through that.. alhamdulillah

Then it was the ' oversea housewife' period- I actually asked abang every single day for permission to go back to Malaysia

Was followed by single-and -independent career woman period, when abang was busy for his final exam, I  came back with Faheem, and I was busy adapting as a houseman. Working is not as tiring as being a housewife, trust me!

Then abang came back, when my depression level was at the peak. Simply because I had to be a superwoman, struggling to juggle between career and family.

When abang started working, I experienced paroxysmal stress haha, because abang is no more my abang who is always available to bring me shopping, going for holidays, available 24 hours to treat me like a princess.

But human always adapt I guess, and they learn as they traverse life. I learn that life is not always a bed of roses, in fact it is a sea of lavenders! Beautiful in its own way. When I see abang coming home everyday feeling very tired, I love abang more and more! A husband- wonderful and responsible as always.....

Approximately 1 month more..

Bismillah..

I definitely miss rambling! It used to be my full time job ahaha. I have approximately 1 month more to go to finsih Paeds posting. How's paeds? I am infinitely sure once i'm gone from paeds, i'm gone for eternity. Haihh paeds is expectedly disappointing as always. And it's true that I've tried so hard to walk around as a paeds houseman at least with a plastered smile, but hey i definitely can't lie to the world. I hate paeds, and i hate paeds.

What is it with paeds? cool colleagues, SUPER NICE MOs (i'm not kidding), no miserable grand round every monday (unlike Ortho), benign HOD, rarely get scoldings BUT absolutely you get SCREAMING BABIES. I am not exaggerating when i say, at times i feel like stuffing a sock into their mouth especially when i am on pm shift and i have an endless list of blood to be taken so early in the morning. Haihh. *sigh*

Things was bad enough in the general ward during the early period of my posting with very few houseman, but things got worse when I entered NICU. When you have to screen like 50 babies in a day alone, things can be very unbearable especially when they refuse to open their eyes for fundoscopy, or they cry their heart out just when you desperately need to listen to the lung and heart. I'm sure I sound so pathetic T_T

I can go on and on complaining, but the reality is I still have to walk to Paeds Dept tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day T_T

Rasa macam kawan2 yang sama2 mengandung and lahirkan baby dulu, semua dah dpt 2nd baby.. Abang, kita bila lagi? hehe. The other day I said to abang I feel like getting pregnant again because I want a long holiday (maternity leave) ngeee~, abang kata tak aci langsung reason tu. 

i write once in every 2 months

that's the new frequency--> once in every 2 months?? is work that bad? shouldn't be, as my fellow classmates manage to write as frequent as when they were med students! huu.

i'm on my 3rd day of leave, with a pm shift scheduled tomorrow? how nice, alhamdlillah :) it's obviously a once in a blue moon chance.

seronoknya dapat cuti, tak terkata. i think since i started working almost 6 months back, i never manage to sit down and enjoy blogwalking. work is slowly eating me and dumping me into a lifeless world.. if only i forget that work by itself s a mean of ibadah.. which i usuallly do..

it's not easy to be always true in my intention when most of the time i feel like i keep missing the train.. family gatherings, weddings, celebrations, and even my own son's development. Since abang has started working, i do contemplate between being a career women and a fulltime housewife or perhaps find a new job that spares me the weekends. Making a decision is never easy, trust me. so i end up continuing the same.

Abang has since tried to re-develop a new routine- spending the maghrib and isya' and the time between in a mosque. Sg Buloh's hospital mosque which is not as big but almost as cosy as UIA's mosque. The word re-develop implies that it is definitely not easy because abang usually comes home very late, and I dont want to be a superwoman bringing our super active Ameer Faheem to a public space alone. I probably didn't manage to mention before, that we have moved into a new house, just beside Sg Buloh hopsital. It makes an even worse change, such that we spend most of our time in the hospital, but it is also better in the sense that I can punch my card in less than 5 minutes after stepping out of the house. A tiny house but Ameer Faheem do get his own room Alhamdulillah.

I'm now in Paediatric, and abang is in Surgery. We sometimes get to go out  for lunch together- that's the case if I am not half dead managing half of the Paeds ward, and I sometimes smuggle abang into the on call room when i'm on night shift haha. Life is not wonderful if spent alone.

I manage to grab 2 books online-
1. Prophetic parenting
2. Saat berharga untuk anak kita

Cant wait for them to arrive!

Ramadhan dah bertamu, memang kesayuan tika kali pertama dia menjengah menggigit jiwa. Syahdu. Mungkin lebih dirasai bilamana Ameer Faheem dan abang jauh di kampung.

Kesibukan bekerja membuatkan aku sering terlupa bahawa aku dalam fatrah istimewa. Terkadang begitu rindu saat aku kaya dengan waktu untuk ber'malas'an atas sejadah, berehat dengan al quran, bertarung di dapur menyiapkan juadah abang dan Faheem. Rindu juga untuk menapak ke masjid dengan abang dan faheem.. Rindu untuk menghabiskan masa dengan insan insan yang hatinya begitu merindukan Tuhan supaya aku juga jadi begitu..

Kehidupan kini jauh berbeza. Mungkin pernah sekali dua sahaja aku masak semenjak mula bekerja. Mungkin pernah sekali dua sahaja aku mandikan hero kami, atau basuh beraknya. Mungkin pernah sekali dua sahaja aku benar2 memberi abang ruang untuk bermanja dengan isteri.

Saban hari aku bertanya pada diri, benarkah jalan yang dipilih? Bukankah Ameer Faheem satu pelaburan yang usia mudanya harus aku jaga dan penuhkan dengan didikan? Sedangkan jika ditanya apa yang Ameer Faheem isi kedalam perutnya setiap hari pun, aku gagal berikan jawapan...

Hati kecewa dan kecewa.. Benarlah kata seorang ilmuwan, tanggungjawab yang tersedia melangkaui waktu yang ada..

Moga Allah sentiasa memandu setiap langkah hambaNya,,

I've always considered myself as a professional 'chess' player, arranging my knights and armies to fulfill a pre-planned strategies while deciding when and where will the pawns actually become sacrifices as the troop advances. I have always have a plan well laid in the back of my mind, guiding me where to place the next step as I march on. And of course I am a person who always believe that the best plan of all plans belongs to Allah, and He has the final say.

It is an event of rarity where in the past months, I am at a severe loss as where to head to in life. I probably have arrived at a junction which I have been anticipating from time well stretched from the past, a junction where I can't see the fate over yonder, a junction which leaves me in an utterness of indecision.

It's Ramadhan again, and I'm still trying to figure out the best way of manipulating it. Probably this is the Ramadhan which brings with it the heaviest gravity of emotion..

And when 2 roads diverge, I just don't know which one to traverse..

Life as it is..

It has been a long while. I absolutely miss jotting down something as I breeze through life. It's indeed a short journey, and the worse thing is, we just breeze through it..

It's a rare Sunday off, the whole big family is taking a time out in Pulau Kapas, leaving me Ameer Faheem, Abang and bibik behind..

I don't have much to say except that I really hope I'll be done with Ortho soon. Time flies fast, as always.. and I'm entering my 4th month of Orthopaedic. CPCs all sent, CME presented and now for 2 more things to be done which are my MCQ and my Exhibition round. Haisyy.

Much has happened since I last wrote. I'll be going back to 5A starting tomorrow, spending my last month in a happening setting, I was appointed to be the timbalan penghuluwati, I've had my fair share of ups and downs of working, I am juggling hard my family life and career and keep them in a perfect balance, we celebrated our wedding anniversary in Laman Grill and treated ourself with a matching pair of handphones.

Life prescribes me with a continuous infusion of high dose of lethargy, but at the end of the day, it feels so good to return home to a caring husband and a cute kid. Alhamdulillah :) 

It's human to err

Tagline for the day: It's human to err.. Don't passionately speak about other people's wrongdoing because you just can't guarantee that one day you might accidentally do the same thing.. I told ya, it's human to err..

It absolutely puzzles me how time flies... Abang has finished his exam today... err today?? that's so unbelievable. I want to be with abang abang and abang. Initially I thought of going to Jordan for his convocation but I guess that's not what Allah has planned for us. There goes our london ticket and london holiday down the drain tsk tsk tsk T_T

It's my off day today, and I have never taken a proper off except for 1 day since my 1st day of working. I am contemplating between manning the clinic and bringing Ameer Faheem to his music class. Haisyyy that is the problem with me, I can't stop working. Hardworking? No as I don't really feel like I'm depositing any effort. Workaholic? Maybe. Passion? Yup. Ambitious? Undeniable! Oh maybe I should spend some time at Kakak's , forcing her lazy printer do some work. Been trying to compile the mrcp mcqs given to me in a softcopy form.

Today is Day 50 of my ortholife. Ok so the aim for today is to finish my CPC 1 and 2 and the first draft of CME. Gambatte! Day 50 of my working days and I've started to stress myself with the upcoming MRCP exam in 10 months time (that is the earliest possible date to be qualified). I don't feel stress but I can't stop the engine that's driving me like a manic. Something must be perilously wrong with me! Oh now I really miss Elmizah who would surely makes me feel very normal beside her 'manic' hardworking personality ;p I want to stay in HSB as  an MO, and it is not going to be easy to compete for the place. But if I am being offered a place to do Ortho in HSB, I might take it. Let me think, can I imagine myself as an ortho surgeon?. Huuu horrible, just hope I won't be regretting it my whole life...

If any medical student is wondering how different a working life would be, let me share. When I was a student, I went to the hospital at 6.45, came home at 6pm, I slept and then I woke up in the middle of the night to study. I type my notes, I do my slides for seminar, I finish my case write ups, I did on calls. Now I go out at 4-5am (you can always come at 6.30 but I like to be early and get many things done), come home at 7pm, I still wake up in the middle of the night to study, I type my own notes, I do slides for seminar, I finish my case write up, I still answer mcqs, I do on calls and sleep like a nomad. More or less the same, except that you get to scrub in doing OT, you get your own chair in the clinic and attend patients (rather than standing around daydreaming), you walk into the ward greeted by works to be done (rather than walking to and fro aimlessly roaming the hospital), you have a punch card and an ID that gives you access to many places haha, Please don't ever forget that when you are a houseman, and please don't ever forget that a houseman is a trainee. Grab the chance to learn!

Btw we had a mentoring family dinner last night at Subak. Was fun, everybody was there except for Nash. Will try to upload some pics later if only I can grab 'em from Aida ;)

enough rambling, work gotta be done :) 

people always see what you have, but they seldom see what you have done to have what you have... that is life..

To continue from where I stopped last time, I was sent to 5D barely a month after I started working. I don't want to elaborate on this matter except that few housemen are sent to this female ward, because of its nature. most of the cases are chronic, most of the patients are old, and most of them have osteoporosis, alleged fall and sustain fracture around the hip. It's something like a geriatric ward, I would say..

Initially I was very upset when Dato and my mentor told me about it. I felt like I was deprived of a chance to learn. As of today we have 5 HO working in the ward with a total of 3 patients! How pathetic does that sound? I don't really like the ward except during grand ward round when I don't have to memorize too many cases haha. Eventually I started to fell in love with the comfort zone- jadi malas plak huuu. I started working on my CPC during office hour, the first draft is currently being evaluated by my mentor, and now I'm working on my CME.

Can one really imagine that we take at most 10mins to finish the ward round, and most of the time we are left with nothing to do after the round! Semua pun tunggu operation date haihhhh. Usually I come down to join my mentor's clinic, and I decided to come on my off days to join my mentor's operations. Huuu, this is so pathetic. And currently I still hate the grand round (the case memrorizing part), but I love the round for its teachings..

Know what, I don't feel much different if I were to compare between my medical student days and my ho life...

The BEST part of the day is when I arrive home every evening, my Ameer Faheem never fails to run to the door, reached out his hands, mintak dukung :D that is the seriously the best part. And I'm waiting for the best of the best part- when I can come home to a romantic husband :D Abang will finish his exam in 3 days time insyaAllah, hope all will be well, and he can come back home ASAP! I defnitely miss abang, such that no word can describe it....

Ortho part 1

It's 12.20am and I plan to take out few precious minutes from my daily 24 hour, to jot down something. Umm well basically surrounding my currentortho life ;p

I hope I will never forget the day I stepped into Ward 5A for the first time. It's the main orthopedic ward (male) of HSB. We have another ward- 5D which is the female and sleeping ward. I felt so inferior, I felt so disoriented, I was  not confident to work, after a year of holiday. Oh before I forgot, I requested to the Pengarah hospital to do Ortho, when he initially offered Internal medicine to me huu. I still requested for Ortho when the Ortho HOD (Dato' Zamyn) came to our orientation activity, and I am sure he tried to warn me when he said "Very rarely we accept a first poster into our department. If you really want to come to Ortho, make sure your knowledge is very good". I took a deep breath, enjoyed few seconds to rethink, and the next second I gave a confident, "Yes I am sure I want to do Ortho"

That was when everybody misunderstood the whole purpose of fighting for Ortho haha. Very few had the right idea that I don't really like the posting. Well a majority thought I was like head over heel in love with ortho. I gave a confident yet humble answer of "I love ortho the least, and that is why I want to be done with it fast". huu, I hope that didn't come as a disappointment to some. I don't really like surgical based posting except for O&G. And I don't really like medical based posting except for Internal Medicine.

So on our first day, I clearly remember the three of us (Afiq, Ishaq and me) met Dato and his right hand man, Mr shahrid (a spine surgeon) in the pantry of 5A with bihun sup laid before our eyes ;p. We were told to stand and introduce ourselves. The instruction was very simple, Dato' said "Impress me". I am not good at promoting myself to be truthful, and I don't like to commit to high-profile promises. So I went extremely low, such that among the three of us, I appeared like a hopeless mummy trying to be a houseman. Clearly he was not impressed AT ALL.

Then we were asked to prepare a CV and an essay entitled, "Why do I want to be a Doctor?", to be handed in the next day. Dato was pleased with my 5-pages CV :), and as for the essay, I didn't actually answer the question. I was very straight in answering, I said something about ibadah. Oh well I can't remember the content but I am definitely sure that I quoted this in my essay, "aku bukanlah seorangg perwira gagah menghunus senjata tapi hati rela berjuang walau dengan cara sendiri". That is so true about me, I am willing to give my best shot, but I always have to remember that I am not just a doctor. I am a wife, I am a mother, I am a trainee, and I am a lifelong student. With that, our tagging period started, it was tiring, indescribable with words. The toughest part was to leave my Ameer Faheem at home. Tagging started at 7, ends at 10 but most of the time it went far beyond that. I had many car-swaying episodes in the morning (I was so tired to the extent I fell asleep while driving), and that was when I decided to sleep in the hospital for 1 week, until the tagging ended. So Ummi and Abah sent me a big trolley bag loaded with clothes, other necessities, instant food and drinks. Oh how grateful I was to have such a supportive parents! I can't possibly remember how many times I cried, not because of the training, but because I couldn't spend time with Ameer Faheem. It was hard for abang as well. I didn't have time to answer his phone calls, I didn't have time to text him, that was when (I think) he became very depressed hehe, and call me just to say, "Ayang tak sms abang pun :(("

Ortho during tagging was severely depressing. It is not so much about the training, but the mental torture haha. I had a major difficulty to familiarize myself with the computer system, I initially couldn't tolerate Dato's formalities and Grand Ward Round was (I think) crazy like hell huu. We had to remember all orthopaedic cases in the hospital, the medical student way (history at length etc). They say, 'the grand round style'. We had to complete 30% of our logbooks, and once we do that, we had to go for psychometry test (in which we had to list down 10 orthopaedic things in 2 minutes, without using any shortform) and if we pass that, we had to go for an upgrade round in which we had to present all the case in 5A and 5D without referring to any notes. I was seriously severely depressed. In between that, we were called to Dato's room regularly (which was another source of stress at that time haha) for the mentoring session. I am glad I had Ishaq and afiq witth me along the way, and I will insyaAllah forever remember that I went through this with their help. we helped each other in fact, did our rounds together to remember the patient, shared procedures so that each of us can fill up our logbook, shared the stress, the anxiety, the sadness- oh we really went through it together.

1 good thing in dato which I doubt I can find anywhere else is, he remember each and everyone's name (his HO), and he calls me by my full name, "Maryam al Batul'. I am sure that depicts his sincerity and commitment towards the houseman training programme. Unlike any other.

Next was the mentor assigning thingy. Dato called us into his room, one by one, assessed our personality through discussions and finally assign us the best mentor by his judgement. I was assigned to Mr Shahrid (Dato's right hand man, a spine surgeon and an orthopaedic consultant). I couldn't describe my feeling at that time, but I still remember what Dato told me, "Maryam, Mr shahrid is a very good and intelligent doctor, I hope you will benefit from him". I remeber because he kept repeating the same thing from that day onward.

Luckily aida (I met aida on my first day, a very nice colleague, who was very eager to help us in anyway possible) was also Mr shahrid's mentor. She really taught me what to do- how to write Mr shahrid's name in the logbook, how to do the tea serving ceremony, how to deal with him- the do's and don't and the list went on and on hehe. I followed most of her advice, but of course Aida is Aida, and Maryam is Maryam so both of us had our own perosnality and way to deal with things. Really I couldn't thank her enough. She actually made me rehearse for the tea serving ceremony!!

Tea serving ceremony is a ceremony whereby I had to prepare a cup of tea for my mentor, and while I serve the tea, i had to tell him, that I wanted to be his mentee, and that I hope he would accept me, and if in any case he doesn't accept me, I'll be an orphan forever. It was damn funny initially, I felt like acting throughout, but truth is, that ceremony has an intrinsic value of its own. We did it in Enzo Kopitiam (in the hospital) in the presence of my brother and sister mentee, then all of us talked for hours, getting to know each other well. I was of course bombarded with questions including personal ones such as, "Why did you get married so early, tell us about your husband, what do you do on weekends, what do you like to eat" and such. It gives a sense of belonging.

The rest of my ortholife was sometime stressful, but 1 thing that kept me going was my own intention to be a doctor, and the presence of my mentoring family. yes the family definitely keeps me going. Aida was the first to leave (she's in medical now), followed by cindy. It is sad to let them go, and I have 3 more months to go, I have already felt sad to leave. next will be syaril and nash, that would be such a big loss. I will never forget how Aida and cindy coached me in every single thing, or syaril offered to do a fake psychometry test for me to be offtagged and taught me procedures and examinations, or how nash was there with me during my first OT day (when I was so blur I simply didn't know what to do and where to go in the big operation theatre) do have adik2 mentee- 3 so far Intan, azrul and another aida :)

I was offtagged on Day 14 alhamdulillah followed by Afiq and Ishaq. I was given a day off the next day, but I came back during the PM shift, hoping to help afiq and ishaq to pass everything as well. It didn't seem right to enjoy the holiday when your comrades are still fighting the battle.

I was actually very lucky as 2 of my classmates- Zatul and Kak Rai were in the department. Zatul is the clinical assistant, so she helped me a lot. 1 month into the posting, I was transferred to 5D.... and that is 1 whole new story which I hope to continue later.. 

Too cute for words

Oh I still take time to write, because I know that I would one day love to read back everything that i had gone through.. :)

Today is my off day after a pm shift. I actually did my on call in the oncall room, sleeping the whole night gee~ Was supposed to be in the emergency OT, but there was no case last night, what a rare occassion. In fact there were few cases which were cancelled due to various reasons- incomplete consent, multiple comorbids etc. I was also on night duty the day before, taking care of 2 wards and that was like killing me. i had 1 hour of sleep, the nurse kept calling me to inform stuff like "Dr Maryam, patient ni nak balik, dia taknak duduk atas katil", "Dr Maryam, patient jatuh katil, nak kena buat x ray ke?", "Dr, patient ni demam baru 1st spike" haissyyy I did feel like bursting, What do you expect me to do??? Stay all night with the patient so that she won't climb out of bed again??? Luckily one senior houseman was there, and she happily gave that makcik a dose of alprazolam huuu.

I came back at 12pm ++, performed my zohr prayer and slept, and slept and slept... now I do feel guilty. I actually missed my mentor's sms and replied very late, what a shame. I bought a chicky meal for my dear Ameer Faheem and spent the day with him- what a refreshing change. As for today, by hook or by crook I have to finish my first draft of my 1st CPC, and if I'm lucky, I can discuss it with Mr Shahrid tomorrow.

Everybody thought I was insane when I requested to start my training with orthopaedic posting, especially when I'm being posted in HSB. Ok, I'm gonna say something really crazy, I actually love the posting and the department, and my fellow colleagues (except for the HORRIBLE GRAND WARD ROUND T___T). Oh yeah, I'm a total insane. Beiing a first poster is not easy, you keep making mistakes after mistakes, you keep forgetting things, you need someone to check and recheck your work, but definitely I am gaining confidence insyaAllah. Working is fun, but leaving my Ameer Faheem behind is seriously hard. I really cry everytime I leave the house, it is seriously depressing. And now I'm really looking forward a holiday with abang ;p Oh how I can't wait to look at his handsome face again!

Ameer Faheem is a big bow now. His manner is definitely improving. When I say "Allah" he will continue with "Akbar" and when I say "Muhammad" he will continue with "Rasulullah" :) Guest what are his 2 favourite words now?? 1. Nak 2. lapar hahaha. I could have die out of laughing when he says "Lapar, lapar, lapar" He is too cute for words! Alhamdulillah and alhamdulillah :)

day 21 in ortho

Today is my 21st day of ortholife. Ortholife is a programme coined by the HOD of ortho in sg buloh hospital (HSB). I was offtagged on day 14, and yet i don't feel much different from being a tagger. when you walk through (in fact i feel like i crawl through it) housemanship TRAINING, your INTENTION is the one that will keep you going. I can be calculative of the seconds that tick away, of the works that should be shared, of how many patients that I have to take care of, of everything, but in the end I am the one who is going to gain something. So I should be calculative in grabbing the chances that I might not get again, experiences that is going to make a better me, acquiring knowledge and skills that are going to help me in the future, yes I better be calculative about that.

Tagging was a nightmare yet enlightening. It was something that I had gone through during my medical student days, except now with an extremely different responsibility. I don't mind the long working hours, the criticisms, the scoldings, extra jobs, but in the end I am a mother with a one and half year old son eagerly waiting for me at home, and a wife with a romantic husband who is obviously depressed with the wife's MIA. It's not easy to prioritize, and yes I take times to cry my heart out everyday in the on call room. Life is definitely not a bed of roses, as for now.

if there is 1 thing I think the HOD hates about me, it's the indecisive manner. He keeps asking me, "Maryam do you feel like quitting?" I keep answering, "Not yet". Not yet? Not yet is not enough of an answer, he wants a strong NO. and still i keep telling him, I don't know what lies for me in the future. And yes, I have to admit that my family comes first above all, and if there are 2 things I don't want to lose, it's a romantic husband and a cute son ;p

We have mentoring family in ortho. the term 'unlike any other', propagated by ortho dept in HSB is not very accurate i think. we did have a strong mentoring family back in UIA. I got a spine surgeon this time around, a very nice Mr Shahrid, which very much reminds me of my beloved mentor Mr Shukrimi in UIA. May Allah bless them both for their kindness and guidance!

Bismillah...

A very quick note on how things have been for the past few days. Oh yes I won't have enough time to update the blog frequently, i don't even have enough time for my Ameer Faheem..

I'm posted to Hosp Sg Buloh, my one and only choice. In fact, I filled up 1 hospital only in the application form when were actually instructed to put 3. Of course I have a solid reason to do so, I'm married and I have a child.

16 housemen reported duty on monday 2nd of april 2012. i was the only one who requested for a specific posting- orthopaedic -and i got it alhamdulillah. don't get me wrong, i'm not a fan of ortho, it's just that ortho is very busy, and i want to give my full commitment while abang isn't around. oh yes i'm a workaholic in case you haven't realized ;p

few wonderful news greeted me. first, HSB is fully computerized which makes it look exactly like in the medical drama haha. It is also the center of MRCP, which makes it easy for me insyaAllah to do my MRCP. And few other things which make me feel so grateful to be in HSB. It's near to home, of course. i hope I'm all prepared to meet the challenge of housemanship. It's a training, thus I have to always bear in my mind that I'm a trainee, and I'm there, to LEARN. Never mind the shoutings, the long hours, the cruel bosses, the overwhelming number of patients as long as they make something out of me...

BISMILLAHIRRAHMANIRRAHIM.....

Faheem and mummy's busy weekend ;D

Yesterday I brought Faheem to the swimming pool again. Balik dari swimming pool, his abdomen became very distended. Everybody at home was curious, and asked me what did he eat. "Oh he drank gallons of pool water" That's a true story

This morning I brought him to Cheras for his music class.... and had to endure his non-stop "Ya Allah" throughout the journey hehe. It's really cute, he knows how to pronounce it in various tones, to suit to different conditions ;D He even says it when he yawns, and feels sleepy!

This evening, Ameer Faheem and I have a date with mummy's BFF :DDDDD mummy sgt tak sabar!!!!!!!

Tomorrow we are going to spend the day with Tok (daddy's mom). Sunday is also a shopping day! A hectic weekend for Faheem and Mummy :)

Induction ends tomorrow!

I purposely stay up late tonight, to emphasize that tomorrow will be my last day of induction and I'm going back home! haha. No more talk for tomorrow, so I guess I can start to unwind ;p

We'll be having a test, obviously I'm in no mood to study. I just want to start packing huuu. I've planned my weekend to be spent with Ameer Faheem.. before I leave him again starting on monday. I expect tagging period will be hard, and how I hope I'm all geared up to face it...and finish it at least in one piece T_T

Nothing much to be documented except that I am extremely missing my other half T_T

I am actually surprised that I love reading my own blog, compared to others'. Oh the narcissistic me is blooming fast!

Induction

That was the best flight! Ever. Reasons? There were only 4 passengers onboard, and my bag was the only checked in bag. I waited in the luggage collection hall ALONE. Malacca airport is a sleepy one. Guess what? There was no taxi around. Luckily the officer helped me to call a taxi...by phone. Haha. Definitely nicer than Kuantan airport, and definitely quieter. Sunyinya airport ni. I wonder how does the shops survive. Oh I am waiting for the taxi which will arrive in 30 minutes time...

Kenapa naik flight when imalacca is only 2 hours drive from KL? Because my 2 talian hayat is not here- abah and abang. If only (if only) anything happens such as the engine won’t start or it smells (or any possibility that my hyperactive mind can think of) I simply don’t know what to do. Have I mentioned earlier that I don’t even know how to get access to the engine, let alone know what to do next should I succeed in opening it. I only know how to open the boot. Pathetic.

Even if abang is around, I don’t want him to drive me anywhere far. I’m the type of wife that loves to say, “Abang, SLOW sikit” when the husband is driving. Abang always replies, “Abang bawa 80kmh ni....” Hahaha. I have this car phobia huuu, that is why I prefer to fly to Kedah and Kuantan. Sometimes it is cheaper to fly with airasia and fireflyz as compared to driving.

Puteri Resort is a big resort Alhamdulillah. There is a big waddling pool which I’m sure Ameer Faheem would love. Oh suddenly I miss that little boy that much. Life isn’t fun at all when the fun isn’t shared with loved ones.

There are 91 of us. Few things set me apart from the rest of the group. First, I’m the only local graduate among the overseas graduates. Most of them are from Indonesia, a good number from Ukraine and Russia, and few from UK, Australia, india and new zealand. Secondly I’m the only one with kid hehe. There are few pregnant ladies though, guess that makes me look older than the rest ;p. That’s a lie. They actually couldn’t believe that I’m a mommy to a I year ++ boy. Third I’m the only one who have just attended the spa interview and got the induction straight away. Most of them have been waiting for 4-5 months... Ya Allah how He makes things easy for me.. But overall, mingling around is fun, the talks are boring yet beneficial, foods are abundant, tight schedule (8am-11pm daily) is tiring, internet is problematic (it’s such a rare occasion to get a connection) and I got Hosp Sg Buloh!

Alhamdulillah ala kulli hal.

It's late, I'm tired but the brain refuses to shut down. We received a happy news earlier today.. a POSITIVE pregnancy test! Definitely not mine ;p i have one more day to be spent with my little boy with lovely brown curls.. before I leave him for 5 days.. ;( It's hard, yes it is.

Induction will be in Ayer Keroh, Melaka InsyaAllah. I've tried hard (hard enoguh) to arrange for accomodation for Faheem and bibik, obviously I failed. Finance is certainly the big issue. I don't want to spent RM100++ on hotel room per night totalling in approx RM500 for 4 nights. Using the money to shop for biyuuuutiful dresses is certainly a better option, isn't it? Oh a shopaholic mommy zzz....

Takpelah faheem, nanti kalau ada rezqi, kita g holiday bila daddy balik ok ^_^ InsyaAllah.

Been busy sewing (not again???) and finishing my photobooks. 3 actually. 1 for our wedding, 1 for Faheem's first year and 1 for memory in Jordan. Hopefully they will be ready by the time abang comes home- will be a treat for him definitely!

Faheem currently adopts this habit of saying 'Ya Allah' gaya makcik makcik tua. Anytime, anywhere. Sometimes he laugh when he thinks he actually says it too much, to the extend taht we say "enough is enough, faheem". Oh dia berzikir rupanya :) Kalau berjalan terjatuh, kalau makanan tumpah, kalau kaki tersepak barang... simply anything. And many time, it is continuously repeated for no obvious reason, in the car. Faheem... faheem..

...

Hectic. That explain my days lately.. Yesterday we got a new maid (and sent back the previous one). I don't want to elaborate on that matter, enough said that I can't trust her to take good care of our Ameer Faheem. The new one is much much much better Alhamdulillah :) sejuk hati..

Yesterday ummi and abah flew to Jordan (before continuing their journey to mecca & madinah). They brought along a big suitcase, for my dear abang.. I filled it up with things, mesti abang happy bila buka bag tu hehe. Rindu sangat dekat abang. Biar ummi dan abah jadi pengganti ayang menceriakan hari abang insyaAllah :)

Yesterday I called spa, kkm again, inquiring them regarding my induction. The answer that I got was really depressing. My name was not in the list for the coming induction... on 26th march. i was like, what??? I attended the interview almost a month ago, and are you telling me that spa is still not done with it?? Darah mula berderau. That was when a long episode of phone calling started. Sana sini aku call.

M: Saya attend interview 1/3/2012. Seminggu lepas saya call kata dah lulus and suruh tnggu surat. kenapa sampai sekarang surat tak sampai? lepastu KKM kata ada induction 26hb, harini dah 21hb, nama saya takde dalam list pulak.

Spa: Bla bla bla bla... (their long explanations)

Lepas entah berapa jam aku telefon sana sini, akhirnya ada la seorang hamba Allah yang begitu baik (dari SPA) nak tolong buatkan surat. and then KKM briefed me on what should I do to try to join the nearest induction. But still they kept emphasizing, "I can't promise you anything"

Kata orang kalau berkawan dengan penjual minyak wangi, meskipun tak beli, sedikit wangan yang tercalit pada kita pun jadilah. Makanya kalau dah jadi isteri Muhammad al Athiq Marzuki, kalau taklah pandai macam abang, sekurang2nya kalau tahu nak settlekan urusan2 pejabat begini pun jadilah. Oh kehebatan abang dalam bab ni memang superb la ^_^ kalau tidak masakan aku suatu waktu dahulu boleh dapat surat tawaran JUST untuk sambung medic terus masuk tahun 4 huuu. Abang selau pesan, kita kena cari blindspot, kena pandai berhelah, kena pandai taktik, kena tahu soft spot pihak lawan. Berbekalkan keazaman, dan bisikan hati "kalau abang mesti dapat settlekan benda ni", aku gagahi juga untuk ke putrajaya hari ini. Sekurang2nya aku berusaha.

My mind was in a state of extreme mess. I couldn't sleep the night before. I wanted to tell abang, but I've promised abang that if I were to come home earlier than him, I have to be independent. Plus I didn't have any phone credit to contact him.

I woke up early (after a bad night). I prayed to Allah that he would make things easy for me. Straightaway after subuh, I prepared to go to putrajaya. I actually went out before 7am, and arrived there before 8. pekerja pun tak punch in card lagi haha. Masuk office spa 7.50am betapa semangatnya ^_^ kata orang lagi kemana tumpahnya kuah kalau tak ke nasi. perangai suka pergi extremely awal ni perangai ummi. selalu bersedia should anything unexpected happen :)

Alhamdulillah it was very easy. I got to met the officer straightaway and at 8am, I walked out of the office. I then drove to KKM, to send in my APC (surat MMC). Alhamdulillah the officer was very helpful. however I had to fill in the BMD form again (which I had done last year) simply because they had lost mine.

Next I drove to presint 3 (a branch of KKM). I met another officer who was very helpful also. He said that my name was a bit problematic as it was categorized under 'Oversea student' instead of local graduates. After discussing things with him, finally he said that I could attend the induction on 26th march Alhamdulillah! He promised to email me the letter.

And then I went to palace of justice (istana kehakiman) for pesuruhjaya sumpah. it was not a long procedure. and by 11am, everything has been settled and I happily drove home. Alhamdulillah He made things easy for me Alhamdulillah. Next will be induction insyaAllah.

Poligami lagi?

Dah bersiap2 nak tido, siap dah hantar report kat abang ckp nak tido tapi haisssy hati ni berapi-api je baca status2 di FB...maka terpanggil untuk mencoret sesuatu di sini...

Semakin hari terasa semakin menjadi2 isu poligami dihebahkan. Yang suami sengaja membuat status berbaur poligami, membayangkan keinginan hati barangkali. Yang isteri tidak mahu kalah dalam bertelingkah maya. Aku juga akan begitu jika abang membangkitkan isu ini.

Bagi para suami semua ini satu gurauan. Tapi bagi kaum isteri, gurauan yang cukup memanaskan hati. silap-silap pergaduahn besar boleh terjadi..

Kadang2 aku jadi pelik kenapa lelaki suka sangat dengan poligami. Cuba kalau isteri ada kekasih lain, kecemburuan suami mungkin lebih2 lagi kan? Isteri juga manusia yang bermimpi untuk menjadi bidadari syurga... siapa lagi yang dapat membantu isteri mencapai impian murni jika tidak para suami?

Alhamdulillah semenjak sebelum perkahwinan kami, aku sudah menegaskan dengan abang bahawa aku tidak suka bercerita tentang poligami meskipun dalam bentuk gurauan. Bukan setakat bercerita, aku dan abang membuat perjanjian, bahawa jika abang memilih untuk berpoligami suatu hari nanti, aku punya kebebasan meminta untuk dileraikan dari ikatan perkahwinan. Sampai begitu sekali. Abang akur. Dan alhamdulillah sepanjang tiga tahun perkahwinan, TIDAK PERNAH walau sekali abang bergurau dengan perkara ini. Begitu abang berusaha menjaga hubungan kami. Malah abang pula yang selalu menamatkan perbualan bila aku ingin mula berbicara tentang poligami. Bagi abang, wanita berkata-kata dengan emosi. Mungkin itu sebab abang selalu enggan berbual tentang perkara sensitif, nanti isterinya marah tak tentu hala, abang yang tak bersalah pun jadi dimarah isteri hehe. Dan kerana sikap abang itu, aku begitu menghormati dia. Cuba ditanyakan kepada abang, pernah tak WALAU SEKALI setelah bernikah aku memuji lelaki lain dihadapan abang? Tidak pernah. Sehinggakan bila abang memuji kawan2 lelakinya, aku yang suka berdalih. Kalau abang kata, "Segaknya A," aku akan terus sahaja jawab, "Biasa je. Abang pun handsome".

Menjadi isteri bukan mudah, jika suami tidak membantu. Isteri bukan malaikat tapi insan biasa. aku suka bertanya kepada abang, kenapa suami ingin berpoligami. Setiap kali abang akan bagi jawapan yang sama. Kurangnya layanan isteri kepada suami. Pernahkah suami terfikir mengapa kurangnya layanan isteri? Sebab paling utama, kerana kepenatan. Kenapa isteri penat? Melayan karenah anak-anak, mengurus rumah tangga, itupun jika belum ditambah dengan bebanan kerja. selalunya wanita tidak diberi pilihan. Menjaga anak yang ramai, mengemas rumah, mengurus pakaian dan makanan seisi keluarga, mengambil dan hantar anak ke sekolah. Kalaulah ramai suami yang berkesedaran untuk membantu isteri..... sudahlah tidak membantu, saat isteri baru mula merebahkan badan untuk berehat, terpaksa layan suami pula... ramai meminta isteri taat kepada suami menggunakan hujah agama, sedangkan mereka melayan isteri seperti seorang hamba..

Aku sudah merasa terpukul dengan tanggungjawab seorang suri rumah. Penat. kepenatan yang sangat. Lebih penat dari waktu aku jadi student, dengan segala kesibukan di hospital, on-call dsb. Itupun baru menjaga seorang Ameer. kalau sepasukan Ameer? Alamat pengsanla isteri abang hehe ^_^

Kerana aku manusia dan bukan malaikat, malah wanita yang degil dan bersuara pulak tu, aku jujur memberitahu abang bahawa aku penat. Aku jujur mengakui bahawa aku tidak ada waktu utk mendandani diri sendiri, baru ingin berpakaian cantik dan berwangi-wangian, kena turun ke dapur pula, kemudian ke tandas basuh berak anak, kemudian berkejar menguruskan pakaian kotor... dan begitulah tidak berhenti sehinggalah tidur. Bangun keesokannya... rutin yang sama.

Aku tahu abang memahami, tapi itu tidak boleh dijadikan alasan untuk kurangnya layanan pada suami. Suami kan 'anak manja' isteri juga ;p Jadi waktu itu kami ambil keputusan membahagikan tugas mengemas rumah dan mencuci tandas utk abang, memasak utkku dan menjaga anak tanggungjawab bersama.. lebih aman insyaAllah

Justeru suami dan isteri, berbincanglah dengan elok. Masing2 ada keperluan dan kehendak. Janganlah menyakiti pasangan meskipun bagimu itu hanya satu gurauan..

Perkongsian ^_^

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked this question and he replied in Al-Fataawa al-Kubra:

“Question: a man married a woman and she stipulated that he should not take another wife or make her move from her house, and that she could stay with her mother, so he married her on this basis. Does he have to adhere to this, and if he goes against these conditions, does his wife have the right to annul the marriage or not?

Answer: yes, these conditions and similar ones are valid according to the madhhab of Imaam Ahmad and other scholars among the Sahaabah and Taabi’een, such as ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab, ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas, Shurayh al-Qaadi, al-Oozaa’i and Ishaaq. According to the madhhab of Maalik, the condition states that if he marries another wife, (the first wife) has the choice of what to do, and this is a valid condition. The woman has the right to leave him in this case. This is similar to the idea in the Madhhab of Imaam Ahmad. The basis for this is the hadeeth narrated by (al-Bukhaari and Muslim) in al-Saheehayn from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): ‘The most deserving of conditions to be fulfilled are those by means of which sexual intercourse becomes permissible for you.’ ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaabsaid: ‘Rights are in accordance with conditions.’ The Prophet dictated that the conditions which make sexual intercourse permissible are more deserving of fulfilment than others. This is the ruling on conditions of this nature.” [al-Fataawa al-Kubra, part 3, Kitaab al-Nikaah].

Poligami?

maryamalbatul: waktu nak kawen kedua tu, isteri pertama yg dtg lamar calon isteri kedua

maryamalbatul: lepastu baru kawen 3 tahun kot, suami dah kawen yg ketiga, baru2 ni je

muhammad al-athiq: owh.... hahahaa....macam mustahil plak berlaku kat abg... hahahaa

maryamalbatul: hehehe

maryamalbatul: yang ayg dpt fikir, possibility adalah ayang bawak ameer faheem lari dan hilang tanpa dikesan ;P

muhammad al-athiq: hahahaaa

(p/s: yg mcm mustahil bagi abang adalah mustahil untuk aku melamar muslimah lain untuk menyertai keluarga kami)

Sebetulnya tadi aku baca blog isteri seorang tokoh (betul ke ni?? sampai sekarang masih ragu-ragu dan tidak percaya dengan info ini). Perkahwinannya kerana agama. Link blog tu didapati dari facebook, lantaran ada yg mewar-warkan. Banyak nasihat dicoretkan dalam blog itu, tetapi hati keras dan degil wanita bernama Maryam al Batul, tidak dapat menerima baik perkara itu... tetapi Alhamdulillah mereka bahagia :) lekas2 menghentikan bacaan sebelum menjadi emotional dan menyerang abang tanpa hujung pangkal^_^ Abang seperti biasa tidak suka aku menyelami perkara yang mengganggu emosi, katanya blog itu hanya untuk mereka yang bersedia dan willing.

Poligami. Isu yang aku tidak suka kupas dan bincangkan. Bahkan bagi kebanyakan wanita. Sesuatu yang telah aku rasakan keperitannya, biarpun bukan dari kacamata seorang isteri. Hati sememangnya susah untuk dijinakkan, dan aku mengambil positif perkara ini tatkala ummahatul mukminin juga cemburu sesama mereka. Bukankah Rasulullah itu sesempurna suami? Poligami bukanlah sunnah yang dianjurkan tapi hanyalah satu keharusan dan jalan keluar dalam keadaan yang mendesak. Ramai yang salah faham akan perkara ini. Tidak semua yang halal itu indah. Seperti talaq. Ia halal tapi cukup dibenci Allah. Namun ia juga jalan keluar bagi perkahwinan yang seumpama neraka dunia.

Kekuatan setiap wanita berbeza, justeru jalan yang dipilih Allah untuknya juga berbeza.. bengkok wanita itu juga ada yang mudah dilentur, ada yang senang sahaja untuk patah bilamana cuba utk diluruskan.

Saya sarankan bagi para suami, bacalah buku ini sebelum berfikir untuk berpoligami

Sebenarnya aku pun belum baca buku ini, hanya mendengar sinopsis dari Ummi yang sedang dalam fatrah menggilai novel Fatimah Syarha hehehe (abang tahu tak, ummi pinjam novel FS yang abang hadiahkan kat ayang dulu... ayang pun x baca lagi novel tu ;p)

Nak harapkan abang baca? Seperti mengharapkan... pendek kata impossible ;p aku tahu artikel sepanjang satu muka menggunakan font Times New Roman size 10 pun payah nak minta abang baca... abang rajin baca blog ni je, itupun baca kuat2 sampai aku yang di dapur pun dapat mendengar setiap butir kata huu. tapi aku yakin dengan kejujuran dan cinta abang insyaAllah :) aku tak ingin memikirkan tentang poligami sehingga mungkin suatu waktu kehadapan, taqdir Allah ada keperluan kepadanya... jua tidak tahu perancangan Allah untuk diri ini, entahkan akan dilamar sebagai isteri kedua suatu hari nanti...

Kerehatan sementara

Urusan dunia tidak pernah mahu mengalah untuk mencelarukan jiwa. Namun ada baiknya. Kadangkala aku ingin membawa diri dan hati untuk lari jauh. Jauh meninggalkan kecintaan dunia..

Urusan akhirat juga tidak betah tertewas dari melebarkan pengaruhnya. Ada baiknya. Ia sentiasa menggamit kerinduan hati untuk menghampirinya.

Dunia itu didapatkan dengan ilmu. Begitu juga akhirat. Aku inginkan kedua-duanya.

Hari ini sayu tidak segan hadir tanpa undangan. Hati dan rasa meratapi abang yang jauh di perantauan barangkali. Tapi lekas-lekas cuba untuk jelas akan tujuan kepulangan kami mendahului abang. Barangkali juga aku terkesan dengan perbualan antara kami semalam. Betapa aku acapkali diingatkan abang bahawa keizinan yang dia hadiahkan, adalah satu pengorbanan yang maha besar dari dia..Sang isteri pasti terlalu arif dengan hakikat itu..

Sungguh sesiapa yang pernah menyandang gelaran Isteri, akan sangat mengerti bahawa gelaran itu tidak datang kosong. Pemberatnya jelas terasa berbekas di pundak sehinggakan andai diberi peluang untuk menanggalkannya seketika, begitu terasa kerehatannya. Itulah hadiah dan anugerah yang teramat besar dari abang untuk isterinya... kerehatan sementara. Anugerah besar yang abang hadiahkan dengan pengorbanan langung tidak terbalas oleh sesiapa melainkan Allah swt. Ya Allah, moga Engkau jadikan ini saham untuk suamiku bagi meraih syurgaMu..

Kata orang seberat manapun tanggungjawab isteri, bukanlah kerehatan itu yang dicari-cari. Hanya bonus mungkin dalam dunia suami isteri :) Kerana dalam kepayahan selalunya ada keindahan, meski keindahan itu awalnya tersembunyi dan tidak dapat dihargai. Aku suka diskusi dan perkongsian dengan abang bagi mengoreksi perjalanan kami bersama. Mencari kekurangan untuk ditambah baikkan, mencari kesalahan untuk diperbetulkan, serta mengasakkan hati dengan kata-kata puji, rindu dan cinta :) Pada abang ada duniaku, pada abang juga ada akhiratku..

Sedikit waktu yang berbaki, sebelum aku kembali berkhidmat untuk kekasih hati (pelik kan? aku rindu untuk berkhidmat utk abg semula biar bagaimanapun penatnya :P), peluang digarap untuk memenuhkan dada dengan ilmu. menyelak lembaran kitab, "30 Luahan Hati suami" karya Dr Hasan Ali. Tersenyum aku siang tadi saat menceritakan kepada asma bagaimana buku itu terhimpun dalam koleksi peribadi. Hadiah dari abang, pastinya! Abang membeli secara rahsia, menyorokkan di dalam laci meja solek, dan bila sudah pulang ke Jordan, barulah sms memberitahu bahawa dia ada tinggalkan hadiah hehe. Saat itu Ameer Faheem belum ada. kami masih terlalu baru melayari alam rumah tangga. Lama buku itu dibiarkan sepi, sehingga sekarang baru ada waktu untuk menyelami hikmahnya.

Antara yang dikongsi... (dan terlalu banyak untuk diperbetulkan sebelum abang pulang...)

30 Luahan Perasaan Suami.

1."Isteriku, Iktitraflah kelakianku"
2."Isteriku,Jagalah Rumahku"
3."Isteriku, Janganlah Leteri aku"
4."Isteriku, Fahamilah Perasaanku"
5."Isteriku, Berbincanglah dengan ku"
6."Isteriku, Hiasilah Dirimu"
7."Isteriku, Berlemah Lembutlah terhadapku"
8."Isteriku,Hargailah pemberianku"
9."Isteriku, Janganlah Pilih Kasih Terhadap Anak-anak"
10."Isteriku, Jagalah Makan Minumku"
11."Isteriku,Jagalah pakaianku"
12."Isteriku , Didiklah Anak-Anakku"
13."Isteriku, Raikan Keluargaku"
14."Isteriku, Sembunyikanlah Kepintaran & Kelebihanmu"
15."Isteriku, Janganlah Membuang Masamu"

16."Isteriku, Janganlah Banyak Kerenah"
17."Isteriku, Patuhlah Kepadaku"
18."Isteriku, Janganlah Cemburu Buta"
19."Isteriku, Tunjukanlah sifat sabarmu"
20."Isteriku ,Iktiraflah Kepimpinanku"
21." Isteriku, Bantulah Kejayaan ku."
22"Isteriku,"Jadikan Anak2ku Insan Berakhlak mulia"
23."Isteriku, Permudahlan Penglibatan Sosial ku"
24."Isteriku, Janganlah Boros"
25."Isteriku, Hargailah Kejayaanku"
26"Isteriku,Galakkanlah Hobiku"
27."Isteriku, Suburkanlah Pembangunan Intelek ku"
28."Isteriku,Berjimat Cermatlah"
29."Isteriku, Berterus-terang dan Berkomunikasilah Denganku"
30."Isteriku, Janganlah Terlalu Mengawalku."

Serius, buku yang sangat menarik dengan penyampaian bersahaja tetapi penuh makna!

Ini pula balasan dari buku pikatlah hatiku: 30 luahan ister ;p

BAHAGIAN 1: BISIKAN DAN PERASAAN HATI ISTERI

Bisikan 1: "Suamiku, Bermesralah dengan Isterimu"

Bisikan 2: "Suamiku, Fahamilah Perubahan Semula Jadi Isterimu"

Bisikan 3: "Suamiku, Jangan Cepat Cemburu"

Bisikan 4: "Suamiku, Bersikap Romantik dan Sayangilah Isterimu"

Bisikan 5: "Suamiku, Buangkan Sikap Garang dan Pemarahmu"

Bisikan 6: "Suamiku, Berusaha Mengambil Hati Isterimu"

Bisikan 7: "Suamiku, Sesekali PandaiIah Memuji Isterimu"

.

BAHAGIAN 2: BISIKAN DAN KELUHAN HATI ISTERI

Bisikan 8: "Suamiku, Rajinlah Membantu Isteri mu"

Bisikan 9: "Suamiku, Janganlah Mata Keranjang"

Bisikan 10: "Suamiku, Adakanlah Perbincangan dan Perbualan Denganku"

Bisikan II: "Suamiku, Hargailah Pendapat Isterimu"

Bisikan 12: "Suamiku, Bersedialah Mengakui Kesilapanmu"

Bisikan 13: "Suamiku, Jangan Suka Berbohong"

Bisikan 14: "Suamiku, Bijaklah Mengurus Penampilan Dirimu"

Bisikan 15: "Suamiku, Berikan Perhatian Terhadap Keluarga"

Bisikan 16: "Suamiku, Sentiasalah Bersikap Adil"

Bisikan 17: "Suamiku, Laksanakan Tanggungjawab Kebapaan Secara Optimum"

.

BAHAGIAN 3: BISIKAN DAN HARAPAN HATI ISTERI

Bisikan 18: "Suamiku, Bekerjasamalah dalam Menguruskan Rumah Tangga dan Mendidik Anak-anak"

Bisikan 19: "Suamiku, Pertingkatkan Pengetahuan Agamamu"

Bisikan 20: "Suamiku, Uruskan Masamu dengan Baik"

Bisikan 21: "Suamiku, Fahamilah Tanggungjawabmu yang Sebenar"

Bisikan 22: "Suamiku, Jangan Terlalu Leka dengan Kerjayamu"

Bisikan 23: "Suamiku, Buangkan Sikap Pemabukmu"

Bisikan 24: "Suamiku, Hentikan Tabiat Merokokmu"

Bisikan 25: "Suamiku, Jangan Terlalu Boros"

Bisikan 26: "Suamiku, Janganlah Terlalu Ego"

Bisikan 27: "Suamiku, Pimpinlah Keluargamu dengan Penuh Kaliber"

Bisikan 28: "Suamiku, Majukan Diri dalam Bidang Kerjayamu"

Bisikan 29: "Suamiku, Fahamilah Tahap-tahap Perubahan dalam Perkahwinan"

Bisikan 30: "Suamiku, Jadilah Contoh kepada Keluargamu"

Sekarang teringin utk memiliki buku ini pula...

Abang nak belikan tak? ;)

Project

Been busy sewing for the past 1 week. Jahit apa? Alter 3 of my english cotton maxis (which have shrunk to become minis after ample washings) using a mix and match technique, finish sewing my purple long dress, make 3 skirts, 2 coats, 2 mini coats emm what else? After sewing all these I still have few more 4m-clothes waiting for their turn to be sewn huu. Ni semua guna kain yang beli dulu2, ada yg dapat hadiah tapi tak sempat jahit. One of them ( a dirty purple chiffon) was bought 3 years ago together with the material for my wedding dress! Huuu... Oh how I dream of sewing a satin night dress with elegant cowl neck! Sabar.. sabar.. Ni gara2 ternampak kakak's unfinished gold satin blouse in her sewing room! Of course la ternampak sebab asyik g menjahit kat rumah dia tu huu. I keep returning to this one tailor whose shop is just few minutes drive from home to do jahit tepi. She is really interested in my 'products' and offers me a job at her shop! Huuu balik nak jadi doktor, lambat sangat tunggu KKM panggil, dpt offer jadi tukang jahit pulak~ hehe. will try to upload some pics later ;p

I usually retire at night in a state of severe exhaustion. Ameer Faheem is acting a bit weird lately.. I think he misses daddy. He sleeps with me more frequently (although not every night, and I try to put him in his cot when he's fast asleep). He likes to hug me and sometimes he cries sadly for no apparent reason. Air mata berjuraian, siap kesat sendiri kanan kiri. Muka cebik2 comel betul ;p his hair is becoming unbearably curly (terkejut abang tengok waktu skype dengan dia, serabai habis), and I really can't wait for abang to come home and snip them off huhu.

Bibik is a headache to me huhuhuhuhuhu... Semoga kehadiran bibik bukanlah wasilah untuk aku jadi garang :( I speak to Faheem in english and she speaks to faheem in madura. She said to Faheem, "Haaa put kabur. Puuut, puuut". I was like, "What???' Only later I found out that it means, "Kucing lari.". I sternly told her, "Bibik, kucing bukan put. Kucing lari. Bibik jangan cakap kabur." Faheem will spend more time with her when I work and I am adequately worried~ Now I am seriously considering the idea of sending him to kindergarten huuu. Moga Allah murahkan rezqi Ameer Faheem...

Semoga Allah rezqikan abang utk grad cepat... kami ingin abang cepat pulang..

Bibik

Alhamdulillah bibik untuk Ameer Faheem sampai malam tadi. Bibik Kartini. Menempuhi perjalanan jauh dari indonesia, meninggalkan keluarga jauh di seberang, bertabah mencari sesuap rezeqi untuk anak2 di kampung. Mengapa dia berhijrah ke sini? Kemiskinan yang terlalu mencengkam, begitulah kami dikhabarkan. Pasti dia jauh lebih sedih dari aku yang berjauhan cuma untuk seketika dari abang.

Aku belajar pelbagai perkara baru.

Kata kakak, esok bawa dia pergi beli baju. Terlopong seketika aku mendengarnya. Dia datang sehelai sepinggang...begitulah adatnya mereka mengembara. Tak dapat aku bayangkan berada di tempatnya..

Saat diberitakan (oleh agen) bahawa dia tidak tahu membaca, tidak pandai berbahasa melayu mahupun bahasa indonesia (hanya boleh berbahasa madura), tidak pernah bersekolah, bibit kerisauan mula berbunga. Terus aku bertanya, seandai tidak sesuai bolehkah diminta ganti lain? Memang boleh, tapi kami diminta berusaha untuk mencuba sedaya upaya sebelum mengaku kalah. Aku akur. Sebaik dia menjejakkan kaki ke rumah, terus Ameer Faheem minta dukung. Oh lupa untuk khabarkan pada pembaca, faheem selalu sahaja merebut bibik sudi (bibi safiyya) supaya menggendong dia.. sehingga safiyya jelak dan lantas menyuruh ameer faheem turun. hihi, lucu melihat keletah mereka berdua ;p naik lemak la faheem lepas ni asyik nak berdukung je.

Mujur ada Ummi yang banyak membantu, menguruskan dia. Bibik itu untuk menjaga Ameer Faheem bila aku mula bekerja dan pembantu Ummi yang selalu mengurus rumah sendirian. Moga allah permudahkan urusan kami semua.

8th March 2012

Hari ini hari ulangtahun kakak dan hafidz. Hari bahagia mereka. Alhamdulillah :) Moga terus-terusan bercinta sehingga ke syurga. Hari bahagia kami 3 bulan lagi insyaAllah :)

Hari ini aku menangis lagi. menangis saat ameer Faheem memecahkan botol kicap yang baru, pantas isinya mengotori lantai yang baru sahaja di mop nenek. Aku cuba bersabar. terus membasuh tangannya dan meletakkan didalam baby cot seraya menutup pintu bilik rapat. Dalam usia Ameer Faheem hampir mencecah 1 tahun 2 bulan, tak pernah seingatnya, hatta sekali aku mengasari secara fizikal. Masih mampu untuk bertahan. Satu usaha yang payah, yang mungkin hanya dapat difahami bagi mereka yang kenal benar dengan Ameer Faheem kami.. Hati seorang ibu, kasih terhadap anak bahkan lebih luas dari lautan, terkenang pada lirik nasyid Permata Ayah Bonda yang baru sahaja aku nyanyikan kepada Ameer Faheem pagi ini...

Andai langkahmu tersasar kesimpangan

Pulanglah ke laman ayah bonda

kembali menghuni di tamannya..

Bersamalah semula

Menghirup embunan kash sayang

Sedingin air mata bonda..

Aku tinggalkan kicap yang berkolam di lantai dapur, membawa hati yang sedikit terluka, melayani duka sendirian, lalu cuba merawatnya dengan mengadukan kepada abang...

Aku baca kembali sms terakhir abang sebelum ditelan perut kapal terbang tempoh hari... "Faheem amanah kita, tarbiyah beliau dengan sebaiknya"

Tanya abang, "Kenapa menangis?"

Jawab aku, "sebab ayang tak tahu mana silapnya, Ameer Faheem nakal." Sememangnya itu yang aku rasa... aku terasa seperti org kehilangan panduan, sudah buntu bagaimana untuk mentarbiyah anak nan seorang. Amanah yang satu.

Aku ingin sahaja mendail nombor mak, mengadukan kepadanya. mengambil hikmah darinya. Kerana Ameer Faheem persis abang sewaktu kecil..

Saat ini teringt juga kata2 Prof Muhaya.. "Ibu muda sekarang suka sangat melabel anak hyperactive bla...bla...bla..." Aku jadi sangsi dengan diri sendiri. Kata Prof ada benarnya, namun kata Ummi yang anak sudah lima, adalah kata orang2 tua yang kaya dengan pengalaman. Kata Ummi, Ameer Faheem baginya, lebih hyper dari anak2 lain. Bagi aku hyperactive bukanlah satu diagnosa yang menjengkelkan, tapi satu titik permulaan kepada ibu bapanya agar mencari cara istimewa untuk mendewasakan anak yang berkelebihan ini.

Ameer Faheem kaya dengan Energy, yang boleh disalurkan ke tempat yang sepatutnya.

Itu janji aku pada diri dan pada abang. Berkali2 abang tanya benarkah aku ingin pulang dahulu, nanti bersendirian mengendalikan Ameer Faheem. Aku bertegas. Aku ingin lekas pulang, agar abang punya ruang untuk tumpukan pada study. Dan aku ingin lekas pulang demi mencari peluang untuk Ameer Faheem belajar mengendalikan inner-self nya.

Usaha bukan sedikit. Keazaman bukan secebis. meski aku terusan menangis, itu bukan kekesalan. tetapi mencari kekuatan. Ameer Faheem amanah kami. Ameer Faheem adalah kebahagiaan kami. Ya Allah tunjukkan aku jalan untuk mendidik jiwa suci ini...

Sedang menyelami dan mengambil mutiara2 hikmah dari ustazahsitikhadijah.blogspot.com

...

It's approaching 6th March. Seperti tidak percaya, aku dulu berangkat meninggalkan abang 26 February.. hampir 10 hari rupanya kami bertabah tanpa abang..

Rindu memang usah dikata..terlalu rindu.. tapi bila dikenang semula kehidupan di Jordan tika abang terlalu sibuk, oh mungkin sudah cukup, tidak mampu untuk melaluinya lagi :)

Hari ini, entah bagaimana tergerak hati untuk membaca quran lama... quran yang dibeli di matrik.. quran yang aku gunakan untuk tasmi' dengan kak ati dan kak aini... quran yang aku bawa kemana2, bermusafir dengan kak yaya, dan menguji hafazan masing sepanjang perjalanan.. quran yang sudah lusuh dengan selakan dan tumpahan milo.. quran yang sudah bertahun dimamah usia. Jiwa terusik.. ada catatan tarikh dengan pensel pada setiap awal muka... tarikh aku menghafaznya. Tidak sempat menghabiskan 30 juzuk. Oh seperti ingin berdoa agar dapat dikembalikan zaman itu.. Sungguh terlalu rindu dengan biah yang mentarbiah jiwa..

Nota cinta utk abang :D

this is mine! ;p

Hasrat dihati ingin kurang menulis tapi yang berlaku sebaliknya ;p Tidak mengapalah aku penuhkan dengan luahan, agar abang terisi kerinduannya. sebelum hospital dijadikan rumah utama sehinggakan tidak punya masa utk menghadap laptop lg. Seharian lelah berurusan, pasti ada waktu berbaki untuk aku merindukan abang..sungguh3! lantas membelek foto2 lama dalam Humaira'.

Kalau bersama abang, selalu tidak bernafsu utk menulis, sehinggakan abang berulang2 kali tanya, "ayang tak tulis blog ke?" Pelik la abang, dah isteri depan mata buat apa nak baca blog lagi huuu. Tapi sekarang abang jauh, ayang rindukan abang, mesti dapat pahala banyak kan? ;p

Abang, ayang tak tahu faheem rindu abang ke tak, dia tak cari2 daddy pun hihihi. ayang taknak tunjuk gambar abg kat dia, takut dia sedih :( td ayg bawa faheem g montessori, dia happy sgt!

How did your parents met?

Finally i went through my SPA interview yesterday. I went out as early as 6.45am, hoping to avoid the shah alam traffic jam. It was kind of like a suicide.. i (of course) didn't prepare anything, I haven't read any malaysian newspaper for many months, and practically don't know what's going on in the country huu. Medical knowledge is also something not to be depended on,hey I graduated almost a year ago, and later on indulged in baking, trying to forget that I am actually a doctor. The night before, i prepared my resume in such a haste (it was a half-page resume haha, I don't have anything interesting to write in it)

I went alone, leaving Ameer Faheem in nenek's care. When I arrived there, I was the second last person to register. i guess everybody else were more anxious than me thus the early arrival. I met Azrul (an UIA batchmate who happens to report duty late, just like me but with a different reason). The officer incharge (a person whom I kept dealing with when I was still in Jordan), asked me when did I arrive from Jordan for I was 'weeping' due to sleepiness. (kalau mengantuk mesti mata berair, hidung jadi selsema, pelik huu). it's the jet lag, i couldn't sleep the night before. He checked my documents and finaly gave me my nombor giliran.

One by ome was called into the interview room. The first person was in for about 15 mins, the second one was nearly 30 mins. I sat beside this Indian doctor (who actually graduated 18 months ago!!!! She stayed with her husband in Australia and finally decided to come home and get a job. Kes sama je haha). She was of course nervous, takut kena shoot medical Qs huu, berkarat dah rasanya. I wondered what took them so long and said to her, "This is not good. I thought the later your turn is, the shorter the session will be. It's the other way round!"

Whenever a person came out of the room, we bombarded them with Qs. Ada yg kena tanya sapa ketua pengarah kesihatan. Siap tanya pengarah tu orang mana huuu. Adushhh itupun aku tak tau, terus SMS asma who was at home to check things out for me in the internet. Mostly they were asked about current issues (which I fail too). Nasib baik la diorng ni bgtau, skrg ni byk kes dengue, rotavirus etc.. Some were asked about vaccination programme, TB, how to do CPR etc

I was the 6th interviewee. I came into the room, wore my best smile, handed my resume and certs. There were 2 interviewers, a gentleman Dato' and a lady doctor in her 30s. Both were nice. I was asked to tell about myself.

Dt: So your parents both comes from selangor?

Me: No. My father is from ipoh, and my mum is a sarawakian

Dt: Sarawak? What does your father works as?

Me: A. blabla

Dt: How did she meet with your mother?

Me: They both studied in UK, that was where they met

Dt: Kitak pande sik klaka srwk?

Me: Boleh dikit2 aja'

Dt: Sarawak area sine?

Me: errr are you a sarawakian too?

Dt: No (then he laughed) yalah sama.

Lepastu dari ckp english terus bertukar ckp sarawak, chit chatting. yes, isu semasa ntah kemana, formal interview pun kemana huhu. Turns out he was from exactly the same village as Ummi ;p

Finally he said to the Dr, "Ok, meidcal side nak tnya apa?" It was so short, she asked me how to interpret an FBC result. that's all and after half an hour I went out of the room. I think everybody must have thought, "Oh wow, mesti kena basuh habis la, setengah jam interview!!" Hehehe. I told them not to worry, they are very nice :) Alhamdulillah. i've done my part, and I leave the rest to Allah..

Selamat berjuang abang

I may not write as frequent as before, for quite some time. It's this weird belief that if I pretend nothing happens worthy to be documented in the blog, then time would fly even faster than usual, and before I know it, it's time to meet abang again! huhuhu

Oh yes I arrived home 3 days ago... and I've been busy ever since.. settling few things, like arranging for faheem's school, who's going to take care of him when I work, shopping for abang's things, unpacking 100++kg of luggages, I traced the route to a hospital where I plan to do my HO (its hukm, and oh my I can't imagine travelling to and fro between subang permai and hukm), finishing my resume and tomorrow I am due for the SPA interview..

Hectic. Tiring. Yet I still have time to miss my other half. Oh yes I do feel like I'm living with only half of the body haha. Apa khabar la cintaku disana ye?

I'm the type of wife that has this orthodox belief that a wife's place is with the husband, and by saying that, i really mean that a wife should be with the husband at all time haha. Because of that belief, I followed abang to school (when Faheem attended hadhanah), I joined abang attending programs and meetings, Faheem and me went with abang to the mosque.. and whenever I prepare our dishes in the kitchen, I like it when abang come along (and do nothing) huuu. Apa jenis isteri lah ni ;p And because of that belief, I like to bring my pillow and blanket to the lounge (where abang put his study table and burn the midnight oil), crumpled on the floor besides him and sleep. Well I guess it's not hard to imagine a man studying a table with the wife crumpled on the floor like a cat. guess what? faheem has adopted that very habit and bring his blanket with him everywhere.

A conversation like below is such a common thing in our house

Ab: ayang, kalau ada air chocolate best jugak ni

Me: ok, ayang buat tapi abang kena teman

Ab: la.. baik abg buat je dah sampai dapur tu

Me: xpela ayg buat, abg teman je

maka abang terpaksa la tag along ke dapur sambil pandang2 dinding waktu isteri dia bancuhkan air hahaha. kejam x?

And because of that belief, I decided to come back to Malaysia, no matter how ironic it sounds. We think abang needs some personal time to focus on his study, without any distraction from me or faheem. abang needs to attend study groups, abang needs to be a real student, and for just a while, be free from the huge responsibility of a husband, a buddy, and a dad. I don't want his 'married' status become a fitnah to his study, and definitely I am willing to let him go for just a while during this crucial moment.

When he sent us to the airport, I didn't cry as hard as before, probably because I have set in my mind that it won't be long before we can meet again and enjoy being in each others' arms. Moga Allah murahkan rezqi kami utk bertemu semula..

Abang,

Ambillah peluang menjadi 'bujang' seketika utk focus pada study

Ambillah peluang berjauhan sedetik, utk kita renew cinta

berat mata memandang, berat lagi hati yang merasai

Berat abang rasa memberi keizinan kami pulang,

berat lagi ayang rasa berjauhan dari suami

Hakikat hidup itu selalu mendambakan pengorbanan

Dan adat perjuangan mengharungi onak duri

Kejayaan itu tidak akan mudah digenggam

Kerana ada kemanisan yang menanti

Kemanisan yang abang tak dapat rasai sekarang

Tapi akan terzahir bila suatu hari nanti abang berjaya

Dan mampu memandang pada pengorbanan dan kepahitan lalu

Sambil berkata, "Alhamdulillah! Semua ini aku raih dengan jerih perih!"

Ayang dan Faheem tidak jemu menghitung hari utk bersama abang semula!

selamat berjuang abang!

wada'an

Rakan2 yang mewarnai dan menjadikan indah kehidupan di sini

Kelab isteri solehah yang menceriakan hari

Pakcik2 makcik2 yang tidak jemu menziarahi dan melayani karenah Ameer Faheem kami..

Jualan kek yang mengajar aku erti berusaha

Menapak menyusuri syari3-syari3 yang melingkari tanah Irbed

Jejak Anbiya yang tidak pernah gagal meniupkan keinsafan dalam diri

Menahan kesejukan shita' dan kegembiraan meredahi salji

Keindahan musim bunga dgn anginnya yang sepoi2 bahasa

Debu dan padang pasir, qabilah badwi dan keserabutan perangai pak arab

Maglubah, mansef, basbouseh dan sahleb..

Rumah kami yang dengan kesungguhan abang berusaha, menjadikan ia terlalu selesa..

Wada'an ya Urdun

Aku pasti akan merinudi semua ini!

Kerana disini aku dan abang menyemai cinta

Disini juga abang melakar cita2

Disini kami belajar berdiri di atas kaki sendiri

Abang selalu bertanya, "Abang ada tertinggal apa2 tak?" setiap kali ingin meninggalkan Malaysia...

Dan kini aku berikan jawapan saat ingin berangkat meninggalkan Urdun... "InsyaAllah takda apa2 yang tertinggal... hanya jejak kenangan"

Kami berikan abang ruang dan masa

Dengan secebis masa yang masih berbaki sebelum detik besar exam akhir abang

Moga abang berjaya meraih gelaran Doktor

Dan tidak sesaat bertangguh untuk pulang ke pangkuan kami...

Ayang bakal sentiasa merindui kehadiran seorang suami yang kehebatannya tidak ada galang ganti

Ameer Faheem pasti ternanti2 Daddy untuk menjadi teman mainnya...

Wada'an ya Urdun dan seisinya

Dan Selamat tinggal cinta..

Moga aku dapat sampai ke sini lagi satu hari nanti...

Malaysia menggamit hadir

Oh sungguh aku rindu pada keluarga!

A hopeless wife's hope

kek yg ditempah hari ni...

I'm trying to busy myself studying, when fact is i can't even concentrate properly huuu. I'm tired baking (plus shopping for necessities, sending the cakes to the warung etc) but at least those things make my day fruitful. If I were to be asked, what do I want the most right now- it's going home.. going back to Malaysia.

Kenapa nak balik sgt3 ni? I don't intend to hide the truth- my days are super miserable when abang isn't around :( No matter how extensively I tire myself baking and such~ Oh human can never feel enough, do you happen to know that? I do. Abang g mana? abang sibuk study la of course :) I want to work, work and work. The thing is I don't know the purpose of our existence in Jordan when abang isn't around much to enjoy it haihhh~ Mode: merindui abang sgt3 and abang, pleasssseeeeee bagi isteri abang balik kerja heh heh

Oh how I hope I can sleep now and wake up after abang's graduation and then we can have a long nice holiday together!!!

Last night I dreamt of ummi and abah, that they have arrived in jordan. How wonderful! Bila terbangun....alaaaaaa mimpi je? :(

Faheem? adorable as always Alhamdulillah. Resembling mummy more and more. Emotional and such. Hobby dia cari makanan kat dapur (korek fridge and cabinet). Call Daddy 'Athiq' instead of 'Daddy'. Mummy tak jemu2 amalkan ayat untuk bagi faheem kuat ingatan, saranan dari auntie farah ;p Ayat sanuqriuka fala tansaa.. moga faheem membesar jadi anak soleh, bijak, dan membela Islam! InsyaAllah

A constant reminder...

Alhamdulillah hari ni baru boleh nak bangun lepas 3 hari terbaring. Seperti biasa, muntah, cirit birit, bloating, sakit perut. Lately the symptoms become more frequent, as frequent as any woman's menstruation huu. I wonder why.. Nak kata food poisoning, I'm the only experiencing them. abang tak pun. I try to associate them with hormonal surge etc, but it doesn't match.

I like to tell abang, "Abang tahu tak, kenapa orang tak serik mengandung? sebab diorang ngandung teruk, lepastu diorng dah lupa cmne teruknya ngandung, pastu teringin nak ngandung lagi, and during the next pregnancy, baru diorng serik semula. Tapi ayang tak mengandung pun asyik muntah2 macam org ngandung, jadi ayang tak sempat nak hilang serik, jadi serik semula." Huuu. Alasan. And then I will continue rambling something that sounds like, "Abang tahu tak, orang mengandung ni pahala dia besar sgt3. sebabnya mengandung ni susah...bla..bla..bla.." Abang seperti biasa akan jawab, "Abang nak ayang dapat pahala banyak sebab tu kena mengandung selalu" dan aku selalu akan mengelat, "tapi kalau kita diuji macam tu dan kita tak dapat bersabar, selalu merungut, nanti pahala pun hilang, bimbang dosa yang bertambah" huuu.

I personally really want to have a baby girl, sepasang dengan Ameer Faheem :) Nama pun dah lama ada, tunggu nak panggil tuannya je. But when i think of the pregnancy period it becomes like some sort of a phobia huu. Maybe Allah wants Ameer Faheem to be ready to be a good big brother before he can have a little sister.. Allah's plan is always the best!

Disebabkan hari ni baru berselera, terus teringin nak buat nasi goreng cina! teringin juga nak makan bihun goreng ummi huuu. Teringin nak lasagna, semualah teringin. But first I have to clear up the kitchen yang macam tongkan pecah setelah 3 hari tak dibersihkan huuu.

p/s: nak tahu tak Ameer Faheem suka buat apa sekarang? Dia suka mengamuk guling2 atas lantai! Instead of feeling angry towards him, aku selalu tergelak tengok dia macamtu, and tell abang, "Skit lagi dia guling2 atas lantai supermarket sebab tak dapat apa yang dia nak!" Perangai dia macam abang kecik2 (mengikut sumber yang sahih), tp aku lebih cool dari abang in handling his emotional burst. He is learning to deal with his emotions, let him be... :) alhamdulillah makin dewasa faheem ni, dah pandai nak beremosi.

Baru beberapa hari lepas, abang cerita yang waktu dia kecik, dia mengamuk sebab dia nak perhatian mak. Tapi bila mak datang, dia mengamuk lagi, dan mak tinggalkan semula. Dia sambung mengamuk sambil dalam hati berazam, kalau kali ni mak datang, dia akan senyap, tapi perkara sama berulang, dia tak senyap pun. Semalam aku suap faheem kek, tapi sebab lambat faheem mengamuk guling2 atas lantai. Bila pujuk dia, dia semakin reda, bila nak suap semula kek, dia mengamuk, bila aku tak suap, semakin kuat mengamuk. Perangai sebiji macam abang hahahaha. Nak tegelak tengok budak kecik ni. Cuma faheem ni mudah sgt3 untuk dipujuk :) bagi makanan, peluk dia, dia pun ok!