day 21 in ortho

Today is my 21st day of ortholife. Ortholife is a programme coined by the HOD of ortho in sg buloh hospital (HSB). I was offtagged on day 14, and yet i don't feel much different from being a tagger. when you walk through (in fact i feel like i crawl through it) housemanship TRAINING, your INTENTION is the one that will keep you going. I can be calculative of the seconds that tick away, of the works that should be shared, of how many patients that I have to take care of, of everything, but in the end I am the one who is going to gain something. So I should be calculative in grabbing the chances that I might not get again, experiences that is going to make a better me, acquiring knowledge and skills that are going to help me in the future, yes I better be calculative about that.

Tagging was a nightmare yet enlightening. It was something that I had gone through during my medical student days, except now with an extremely different responsibility. I don't mind the long working hours, the criticisms, the scoldings, extra jobs, but in the end I am a mother with a one and half year old son eagerly waiting for me at home, and a wife with a romantic husband who is obviously depressed with the wife's MIA. It's not easy to prioritize, and yes I take times to cry my heart out everyday in the on call room. Life is definitely not a bed of roses, as for now.

if there is 1 thing I think the HOD hates about me, it's the indecisive manner. He keeps asking me, "Maryam do you feel like quitting?" I keep answering, "Not yet". Not yet? Not yet is not enough of an answer, he wants a strong NO. and still i keep telling him, I don't know what lies for me in the future. And yes, I have to admit that my family comes first above all, and if there are 2 things I don't want to lose, it's a romantic husband and a cute son ;p

We have mentoring family in ortho. the term 'unlike any other', propagated by ortho dept in HSB is not very accurate i think. we did have a strong mentoring family back in UIA. I got a spine surgeon this time around, a very nice Mr Shahrid, which very much reminds me of my beloved mentor Mr Shukrimi in UIA. May Allah bless them both for their kindness and guidance!

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