Yesterday when I was in the car with Ummi, I told her that I think being a houseman is even worse than being a medical student. Of course during housemanship, one have passed the exam adrenaline rush, but what i presume, the reponsibility would be way too big & burdensome. No Dr to cover up my mistake, to scold me the second I start doing something wrongly until maybe it is too late and the patient has sued me etc.
I am very anxious to deal with delicate matters such as life & death. I can just imagine if 1 day a patient dies due to my accidental negligence, i just can't forgive myself probably for the whole life. What a bizarre. The same goes with driving. I am really scared of motorists, because they look so.. fragile especially on the highways. I can clearly remember an accident I was invlolved in when I was small, between
the car I was in and a motorist. We crashed into each other, and in a flash I saw him practically
flying or somersaulting in front of my very eyes! He was brought to the hospital, and Alhamdulillah
was doing fine apart from few broken bones.
I really hate driving (because I am scared of accidents & death), which made me told Ummi to keep my driving license a secret! My future husband is not supposed to know that i can actually drive haha. Seems like that is not going to happen after all.
Ummi gave me a real piece of advice: Ask for Allah's help. Pray 2 rakaat before you go to the ward everyday, PRAY that Allah will help you all the way. Pray that He will guide you to make the best diagnoses, Pray that He will help you to avoid unnecessary mistakes, Pray that He will help you to deal with the outcomes rationally. and calmly.
Alhamdulillah. I have experienced a situation, whereby I felt that it was totally impossible to escape, that it was a dead end, that I was a dead meat, but He helped me to go through it. Nothing is impossible with His help! I feel assured, and so will you =)
Anakanda ke-5 , Uzair
3 months ago