Recipe for today ;D

haven't updated my cooking blog for quite sometime, but today i don't have the option to procrastinate again. it's not that i don't cook but taking and uploading the pics are a prob for me. i don't have a handphone with camera and bluetooth. it is a handphone which i bought in my first year MBBS huhu. We usu take pics using abang's phone camera.

Hari ni tergerak hati nak buat tortilla, mcm puan anis buat utk suami dia ^_^. early in the morning faheem and me went out to buy some groceries. balik je, terus buat chocolate cake and banana cake. and then buat ayam masak sambal. lately my appetite takes a different twist (i wonder why hmm). i eat seriously more than usual and i crave for weird thins. 2 nights ago i asked abang to buy me nasi + pedal ayam (ada warung yg jual, we ate at 12am huhu). then today they sell paru lembu goreng, teringin jugak, terus order haih. yg buat ayam sambal tu sbnrnya sbb teringin nak makan paru sambal, so buat sambal siap2.

lepastu barula nak try resipi puan anis. mula2 buat popcorn chicken (abang panggil kuih ayam. kalau udang celup tepung abang kata kuih udang huuu T_T nama tak glamour langsung). lepastu barula nak masak totilla sebenar. and then buat gravy for mashed potato mcm kat kfc. senang crite ni tgh tringin nak makan twister kfc ngee~

will upload the recipe and pics later in my cooking blog insyaAllah :D

18th December 2011- Wadi Arab

Alhamdulillah today we had the chance to have a picnic at wadi arab (betul ke tak ntah nama ni). It was so beautiful SUBHANALLAH! And later we visited the tomb of Muadz bin Jabal and his son. Abang said both of them died of cholera.. May Allah bless their souls..

New Hope

I read many blogs and websites on methods of teaching a small kid, subscribed to many newsletters eg brillkid, learnt various tricks to stimulate a child, bought many educational and story books to supplement the teaching and I could sum up that I did quite a lot of things to educate my baby.

After few months of teaching Ameer Faheem, I started to give-up because he couldn't speak thus I didn't know whether he understands any of them. Furthermore nenek said that maybe at this age they are not ready to read yet. I started to believe that (eventhough I tried hard to believe otherwise), until 1 day (few days back) I noticed (I might be wrong anyway, but hey I'm trying to cling on to the slightest hope available haha) that Faheem started associating the phonics sounds that I made with the ABC which I pasted on his wall.

I love to sing this song that goes A sounds like aaaa.... apple, B sounds like behh...bee, C sounds like kkkeh...car, and D sounds like dddeh..DADDY! until z. I adapted the sound from smarthands (find in youtube). He usually likes it best when I say F sounds like ffffFFF...FAHEEM! And laugh as if that is the funniest thing in the world. Everytime I sing out the song, I point to the respective letters on his wall. Few days back when I started singing that song, he just watched and when I was about to mention the letter F (and point towards it), he started laughing out loud! I was too astonished that I laughed with him haha. It might be a coincidence anyway.

But I'm not going to lie, that if it was a coincidence, then it was a coincidence delicately planned by Allah to boost up my spirit again. Guess what did I do after that? I searched for the blog darwisy darwisya again (I read that blog a long time ago), this time around determined to seriously plan for Faheem's education. I have even laid out his daily routines (what to learn and when), I google for nutritious food ideas for him and I did some research for his school.

But for the time being, we are planning on sending him to a playgroup. But the schooling system in Jordan follows that of a university, which means they are finishing end of this month and start again in february. Guess Faheem has to wait until february insyaAllah. It's not really for educational purpose but rather for social purpose. i want him to learn how to make friends haha.

As for now, he still tries to eat his alif ba ta flashcards (by al-Furqan) which frustrates me daily, and he refuses to sit in front of the tv to watch his educational videos if i don't stay with him (even if i stay with him, he usually busies himself with something else such as trying to reach for the tv huu)

Ask me

Ask me what an HO's housewife is going through, and I can give a sincere answer. Lonely. Most of the times I think I act like a small kid crying and fighting for abang's attention and time. Urgghh how I hate that but I just couldn't help it. That doesn't define an isteri solehah for sure..... But many times I just don't care T_T.

Macamanala isteri yang suaminya keluar berjihad lama kan? Besar pahala, tapi besar juga jurang untuk terbuat dosa, bilamana ketaatan isteri jadi pertaruhan. Abang kata nak keluar ikut tabligh sehari pun, dah berjuraian air mata. Berat hati untuk melepaskan, barangkali kerana nipisnya iman.

Orang kata sifat anak itu ikut ibu bapanya. I used to question that fact... until the proof is right there before my very own eyes...

Ameer faheem sukeeee sgt merajuk...

Ameer Faheem sukeeee sgt menangis bila bangun tidur...

Ameer Faheem mengamuk2 bila daddy nak keluar rumah...

Semua mummy faham...

TAPI

Ameer faheem extra buas... mummy tak dapat handle (sebab sifat ni dapat dari daddy lah ni hehe)

Mummy has gotta be strong so that Ameer Faheem will learn to be strong too!

10th December is about to end~

orang kata harini gerhana bulan, 10th December 2011. Guess what? i can't even remember the science behind it... and I don't know what should I look for.. my mind does fail me..

It's a wonderful day.. because I have abang today. Uh I guess I only have him on saturday. Went out with him and Faheem... to get me a birthday present gee~ Thank you abang for the wonderful gift!

Org lain sibuk tengok gerhana, but I think of Ummi much! Rindunya kat Ummi... A birthday does reminds us of the one who sacrifices much for us, doesn't it?

Today Ameer Faheem starts brushing his teeth (I do it for him of course while he keeps trying to bite the toothbrush). The decision was made because he eats chocolate everyday. He roams the house all the time (he's excited that he can walk). He gets funnier day by day~

Oh 11th December is approaching...

Oh today is my birthday. Nothing special to me, but a special reminder for Ummi of course of the pain that she endured and the joy that she experienced, exactly on the same date, 25 years ago... Thank you for everything!

I am 25 years older than 25 years ago of course haha. Abang wanted to do something special for the occasion (although I was more interested in snuggling under thick blanket), and yes we decided to go to Papa John JUST BECAUSE we wanted to take photos at the same place as 1 and a half year ago, celebrating abang's birthday!

Another project~ done!

Oooopsss nampak gigi rabbit Faheem! Tgk ada wound kat tepi mata... ter'accident' dengan stroller when he was playing with it.

My little polar bear

I was planning on making cushions but it was diverted by another cheeky idea- i made a bagpack instead for my baby! And it was hand-sewn!! (I don't have a sewing machine btw)

Sewing the finishings..

Halfway through... took me 2 days to complete this

Tadaa!! the front view

backview

isi pampers faheem ;p

Well, maybe i should start working on the cushions

Calling it home

After almost half a year (or more if I add up my previous visits) in Jordan, I find that Jordan is not so bad as I've thought before. Adapting isn't always easy, but it comes naturally with time I guess.

I remember when I first came to Jordan, the first 2 weeks were the tourism week. When you visit a place for the first time, you get all excited. A tourist. Entering the third week, it is not as wonderful as before. I started whining for the differences between Jordan and Malaysia. Approaching 1 month, there was nothing I wouldn't give to be home. Experiencing winter for the first time (this year is actually my second as I was here during the previous winter), I just couldn't believe that such a cold place exists on this earth and furthermore inhabited by human!

I remember, the first thing that I whined about was cocoa powder. I wanted to bake a choc cake but it was so hard to find cocoa powder. And I said to abang, "Don't Jordanians bake choc cake??" Haha.Most of the time I whine about food ingredients which are not available here. Then the food. Sebenarnya abang tak biasa dengan benda2 pelik that I want. Specifically- what a woman want. There was one time when abang and me went to a tailor to ask about jahit tepi. Man, we all laughed when abang didn't know what to say to the tailor, throughout his 6 years in Jordan, he has never been to a tailor, so understandably his vocabulary of sewing thingy is nil.

Then I felt so weird why did Jordanians love brown. Anything brown. Brown/gold cushion, curtains, bedsheet etc. Everything. I said to abang, "Susah betul nak cari kain bercorak kat sini" Abang said, maybe they love brown because they live in a desert haha. So I brought my curtains, pillow cases, comforters, tablecloth, kitchen towel, apron (everything) all the way from malaysia haha. I love english rose pattern.

Because I am so bored at home, we go out every weekend- to balad (town). Abang used to go there once in a year but since I'm here, the frequency increases to weekly ;p Slowly I learn that Jordan is actually colourful ! And I actually think that once i go back to malaysia, I will miss a part of here. Especially balad! ;p We get quality things at cheap prices (what I love most are the soft toys for Ameer faheem and his clothes). I can find sweet potato in Jordan to make kuih keria. They do have delicious halawiyat! They have english rose curtains. There are times when i look at bedsheet and feel like, "ahhh, I just have to buy his one. it is so sweet!". And guess what I found yesterday????

COLOURFUL CLOTHS!

And yeah, my sewing projects begin here ;p I plan to make cushion cover for Ameer faheem (yang suka sangat dengan bantal tu), and blouses for me~

Projek ibu dan anak lalala~

Budak yang suka dengan bantal banyak!!!! Sampai golek2 atas bantal, daddy kata macam kucing ;p

A is for Apple, B is for bee, C is for car and clouds

G is for giraffe. Eh giraf takde mata and mulut lagi

N is for nest

T is for tree, S is for sun (snake tak siap lagi)

I just want to share a project which I've started not a long time ago, still under construction and yet to be finished ;D

Tentulah projek ibu yang banyak sangat masa hehe

I started teaching faheem ABC, alif ba ta and numbers since few months ago. Well till now I don't know whether he understands any of it, he can't even speak haha~ I don't mind anyway, it is just a fun playtime activity and of course I'm not that serious as for now.

Since we came back to Jordan, I [ehemm-cough, cough] have been informed that Piyah aka Pipi aka Safiyya Amani has been attending homeschool- kat rumah nenek! Well that kinda motivated me to [cough *you know] be at least at par with the our great homeschool teacher- NENEK! We learnt to read at quite a young age, taught by Ummi. in fact I attended kindergarten for 2 days only, before I quickly became fed-up with the morning session (because i had to wake up early haha).

BUT only RECENTLY... I received a super trustable news from the very great teacher herself (NENEK) that Pipi actually goes to school for 1 hour per day only which is from 12pm to 1pm. And out of that 1 hour, she only studies for 5 to 10 minutes depending on her mood, and spend the rest of the time roaming nenek's house!!! How funny my dear pipi hehe. Miss her much!

So back to my home-kindergarten, I made ABC cards and paste them on Ameer faheem's bedroom wall. And I drew and cutout pictures as example for each letter.

Here goes:

A is for apple

B is for bee

C is for car and clouds

D is for Daddy

E is for elephant

F is for faheem

G is for giraffe

H is for house

I is for inchworm

J is for Jamalun (Camel)

k is for kite

L is for lion

M is for mummy

N is for Nest

O is for owl and orange

P is for panda and pumpkin

Q is for quack

R is for rabbit and rainbow

S is for snake and sun

T is for tree

U is for umbrella

V is for vegetables

W is for Wolf

X is for X-ray

Y is for yellow yacht

Z is for zebra

Well really i have no other things to do...see I list down everything from A to Z!!! Hahahaha~

But as mentioned before, the project is still underway. So I post the pics of few examples which I have pasted. Well let's make learning a joyful experience! :D

Soal hati..

Have been writing and keeping it to myself lately. Probably because of their melancholic nature. I'm getting more and more emotional these days ahaha~

I'm the type of person who 'absorb' experiences quite excellently. Uh in a simpler way of explaining, I tend to internalize things that I see, I hear, etc into emotions, perceptions and even dreams thus explaining the frequent nightmares haha. For example if I (be it accidentally) hear somebody talking about simple robbery, I will usually dream about some high level robbery committed by hideous monsters armed by extra modern guns etc occurring in some nightmarish planet. That is how advance my imagination goes. Heyy it's not like I'm enjoying any bit of it, but yes it happens almost everyday huu~ Thus abang has these been carrying out these protective measures to at least minimize the imagination huu, for example, prohibition from watching freaking videos, prohibition from listening to frightening stories, no involvement in weird discussions etc..

Abang has been careful...too careful until yesterday morning when he 'invited' me to watch a video- it was actually a recording from a tv show, interviewing a mother and her 20+ year old son who lives like husband and wife after the death of her husband (which is the son's father). They are Indonesians, and they are proud to own up. How gruesome! Doing something wrong from religious aspect (any religon, man. i don't know whether they are muslims or not but if they are then it is even more messed up!) is one thing. Not realizing it is wrong from the fitrah aspect is another thing. Not feeling ashame to own up is even more unbelievable! Appearing on TV as if to tell the world, "Hey, what's wrong with that?" is so killing my sanity. They are INSANE. Oh only insane people can do that. And oh insanity can also run in family~

I didn't finish watching it, I just couldn't challenge my sanity. What kind of world am I living in right now? I kept thinking about it, and yes I still can't get it out of my mind~ How awful...

Speaking about other things...

Abang came back home on Wednesday telling me...,"Junior abang baru admitted kat hospital KAUH. AML (Acute Myeloid Leukemia)"

Me... "Siapa?"

Abang.... "Ilham Ellani. Dia MINDEF"

I replied.."Dia presented dengan apa?"

Abang..."Tak sure, abang tak tengok dia lagi. Bahaya ke?"

Me..."Kata cancer..." I refused to explain and discuss further

Friday... Ameer Faheem and me waited in front of Yarmuk Univ Mosque for abang to finish his friday prayer. When abang arrived, a friend of him came to us... explaining about Ilham's father who is coming to Jordan but needs regular dialysis. he asked abang about the procedure in KAUH

Abang..."Macamana ye nak buat dialysis?"

Me... "Abang kena tanya KAUH la procedure macamana.. Lama ke ayah dia nak duduk sini?"

Abang..."Sampai dia sembuh"

Me... "Oh ayah dia pindah sini terus ke?" (if you are a doctor [even if you are not], you will realize that leukemia is not a disease that comes and go like cough and flu.....)

Abang... "mmmm..."

Saturday...

Abang was in the toilet, I checked my FB.

al-fatihah buat ilham ellani..moga rohnya d tempatkn bersama mereka yg beriman..dr ALLAH kita dtg, kpd ALLAH jua kita kembali... cukuplah mati itu sebagai peringatan..

Me... "Abang!!!!!! Junior abang yg AML nama apa? Ilham Ellani ke?"

Abang..."Haah. kenapa?"

Me... "Dia dah meninggal....Diorng britahu dlm FB"

Abang... "Hah?????" He came out of the toilet to check his FB...

Innalillahiwainnalilaihi rajiun...

Tak habis palpitation tengok video mengarut... kini berita kematian dia menambah sesak di dada. Sesak dengan sebak dan sayu.

Aku tak pernah mengenali dia yang bernama Ilham Ellani. Tak pernah bersua wajah, juga tak pernah mendengar ceritera tentangnya. Cuma namanya meniti dibibir abang saat2 akhir kehidupannya. Tapi mungkin kerana ikatan aqidah, dia yang tidak pernah sebelum ini mencelah jalan cerita kami, pemergiannya untuk selama-lamanya mengundang seribu kesayuan. Dia yang tak pernah kukenali tapi Allah hadirkan dia dalam hidupku walaupun cuma untuk seketika, sebagai pengajaran yang cukup mengusik jiwa. Ilham Ellani baru sahaja pergi, dan apa yang pasti aku PASTI AKAN menyusulinya...

moga roh Ilham Ellani ditempatkan bersama roh orang2 yang beriman dan bertaqwa...moga roh kami jua suatu hari nanti...

Memang cukup mati itu sebagai pengajaran. Yang ditinggalkan akan meratapi, tapi yang pergi pasti lebih banyak urusannya... Ya Allah permudahkan urusan kami semua seusai meninggalkan dunia..

Anak itu anugerah

Faheem cuba korek keluar anjing and tulisan tu..

tak berjaya..!

Faheem sedang 'operate' tigger..

mummy & faheem... Arabella Mall

Ameer Faheem al-Waseem.... satu ANUGERAH!

Malam tadi kami menerima berita gembira lagi. Alhamdulillah pasangan Nadiah dan Fauzi Akmal dianugerahkan cahayamata pertama mereka, seorang mujahid. Anak bongsu irbid barangkali sebelum tirai 2011 berlabuh. Setiap kali adanya berita kelahiran, saya pasti naluri keibuan tercuit, baik ibu-ibu yang sudah memiliki ramai tentera-tentera kecil, mahupun mereka yang baru akan bergelar ibu. Begitulah kegembiraan yang dibawa bersama suatu kelahiran, kegembiraannya sehingga tersebar dan terkesan pada orang sekitarnya :)

Anak itu anugerah, benarkah? Kata org kedah, "Celah mana?" Aku duduk terkesima, benarkah? Jika sedari kecil menuntut pengorbanan dan kesabaran ibu bapa? Sudahlah mengandung itu payah, melahirkan itu menyakitkan. Bila sahaja lahir, ragamnya cukup melelahkan. Asyik saja menangis kelaparan sehinggakan tidur ayah ibunya terganggu, kemudian baru disusukan, berak pula. Ini tidak lagi dikira kembung perut, sakit itu dan ini, dan macam2 ragam lagi. Menginjak ke dewasa, pelbagai fasa dilalui. Ingin makan segala benda, ingin mencuba setiap sesuatu, tidak mendengar kata, buas dan banyak lagi sehingga tidak tersenaraikan..

Apakah dengan kesusahan ini, anak itu masih dikatakan satu anugerah? Tentulah. Kerana disebalik kepayahan mengandung, ibu ayah tidak jemu mengusap manja anak didalam perut dan tidak sabar untuk menanti saat lahirnya. Disebalik kesakitan melahirkan, dapat menatap wajah comel anak memberikan bahagia yang sukar untuk diungkap. Sehinggakan saat melahirkan itu selalu dirindui untuk dilalui semula. Disebalik ragamnya yang banyak dan acapkali mencabar kesabaran, memenuhi keperluan dan kehendak anak itu membuahkan kepuasan. Puas dapat mengenyangkannya, puas dapat membuatkan dia selesa, puas dapat melihatnya membesar didepan mata, puas dapat mendidiknya. Dan jika anak itu tersasar dalam perjalanan kehidupan, pasti kita ingin sentiasa disampingnya memberikan panduan, biarlah sedalam mana kedegilannya

Ameer Faheem al-Waseem?

Ameer faheem adalah anugerah untuk kami alhamdulillah. Anugerah selama 10 bulan + 9 bulan mengandungkan, hampir 2 tahun kami hidup dengan kehadirannya. Setiap detik yang berlalu adalah detik yang meninggalkan jejak rindu (kecuali ketika alahan mengandung huu). Kini Faheem sudah 10 bulan, kenangan yang tercipta terlalu banyak untuk diabadikan.

Memang ada ketika, kami geram betul dengan ragamnya. Makan segala benda (termasuklah sampah sarap, kasut dsb), koyakkan buku, tabur makanan serata rumah, tak dengar kata. Tapi kami cuba untuk mengerti bahawa kedegilannya adalah untuk mempelajari. Contohnya sudah banyak kali dia cuba untuk pegang api pemanas, kami cukup marah, dan pernah sekali dia berjaya pegang juga, dan terus meraung kesakitan. Saat itu aku marah, tapi marah dengan diri sendiri kerana tidak mampu melindungi dia.

Hari ini kami ke klinik untuk suntikan 10 bulan (ikut jadual suntikan Jordan). Anak2 disitu semuanya diam dan pasif. tiba2 suara anak teruna saya juga yang memecahkan kesunyian. Menegur pasangan kembar lelaki yang lebih kurang sebaya dengannya. "Ahh!.. ahh!" Tiba2 dia senyum. Kembar itu juga tersenyum. Hehe gelagat Ameer Faheem selalu mencuit hati. "Assalamualaikum" saya mengajar Ameer faheem cara untuk menegur kawan. "Alaikassalam" ibu kembar itu menjawab dengan sura halus. "Psst... pssst," dia menyambung. memang itu cara mereka bermain dengan bayi. Faheem pun mula mengeluarkan suara halusnya. Bayi 'shini' kami juga yang hebat! (mereka suka mengejek orang melayu dengan panggilan "Shini" iaitu Chinese. Kata abang itu satu penghinaan)

Dan sejak memiliki Faheem hampir tidak pernah aku berbelanja untuk diri sendiri sehinggakan abang kata, "Setiap kali keluar kita beli barang untuk Faheem je!" Aku tersengih, "Anak kita sorang ni je kan :)". Bahagia

Masih tidak percaya bahawa anak itu anugerah?

Salam awal muharram

Today I cook nasi lemak (not again??? huargggh), because a kitchen that smells like malaysia makes me feel heavenly in the Jordan winter. And today I make bawang goreng. You know the kind that you buy (and never make it yourself) in Malaysia. The kind that people say are cooked with plastic to make it crunchy..? No, I made it myself and they are just as crunchy, obviously I didn't fry any kind of plastic. I'm thinking of making some hot soto (and ohh eat it with the bawang goreng!), and in the same time planning to make mee bandung (I've blended some sweet potato, and put them in the fridge). Man, I just can't stop thinking about food in winter!!!! T_T

The only thing that I need right now is a weighing scale.

Hari ini awal muharram. Abang actually wished me "Salam Maal Hijrah"..... didn't expect it anyway. Abang kata kena lupa kesalahan lama, kena tambah kebaikan dan kasih sayang. Huhhh kena tambah jugakla baca Quran dan jangan asyik berFB and blogging je ok :)

I really have a long way to go.......

Ameer Faheem's props

faheem can stand up and take 2 to 3 steps further alhamdulillah :)

faheem's curtain

hanging bedhead (bumper)

bedsheet, and blanket

and pillowcases too!

Don't want to write much, just want to upload few pics of Ameer Faheem's props which I made myself :D Just so that Ameer Faheem will one day realize how special he is!

It's freezing cold and I'm not ok with it..

I am writing this because i have nothing better to do. how sweet does that sound? it's really cold here, and i'm slowly and chronically losing my sanity to it. i don't know the temperature but what i do know we use the water heater all the time and I've had my fair share of burns because of the desperate need to be warm. scalding hot specifically. And numerous times mentioning to abang of a getaway to Malaysia haha. There are always thing to be fretted about when there are so many other things to be thankful of. I always feel like throwing the gas sobah (heater) into a sea (Aqabah perhaps) when I have two hirams (and of course abang too) to make me warm. Oh I can't stand the smell of the gas- it gives me watery eyes and headache. And then I despise entering toilet. I remember once Ummi told me of her experience when she was studying in UK. She said that mat saleh bathe once in a month. I do some math, and if winter spreads for 4 months, then they bathe for 4 times ONLY throughout that period. Surely I would like to do that too! But only this morning I smelled Ameer Faheem, and had to persuade abang to smell him too. Guess what? He smelled like a goat (I'm not kidding seriously). And Ameer Faheem bathe weekly. Oh monthly bath is a definite no-no.

Ameer Faheem and me have quite a severe cough and runny nose since a week ago. And if Ameer Faheem has runny nose, it is absolutely a mess. He doesn't know how to blow his nose, and he seriously objects to others wiping his nose as well. mengamuk2 taknak org lap hingus dia haisyy. And in case you are wondering why does mummy get it everytime Ameer Faheem has it, the answer is simple dimple (bak kata abang), he LOVES coughing at my face. It's not air-borne to be clear, he practically sprays all his infectious saliva to me huhuuu.

There was one morning when abang and me walked to yarmouk mosque to perform subh prayer. on our way, we came across a man who was sleeping on the cement floor of a row of shops. No hiram, no mattres, nothing. He was wearing a shirt and a pair of jeans. It was surely freezing cold. Only then I realized how lucky I am not to be homeless T_T But then I still snap at people when I can't stand the low temperature. And seriously I think I can freeze and die (in my sleep probably) T_T Naudzubillahiminzalik

We visited ijat this morning. her husband called me sometime before subuh, informing me of the contractions that she had. 3 in 10; 1 minute each. i said "what? Go to the hospital now!", knowing her history of a fast labour. Asked abang to get a taxi asap and as soon as they arrived there, she gave birth to a super cute 3.1kg baby girl, darling Ulya. Oh how I love watching her serene, lovely chubby face. Well of course not without inviting a question from abang, "Kita bila lagi ayang?". I've always wanted a girl, but uh perhaps pregnancy is not for me for the time being and in the immediate future. I've had enough an experience, to last for few years insyaAllah :)

Ameer Faheem loves clapping his hand nowadays. And he is also a copycat hehe. I like to kiss him and enhance the sound (uh you know the kissing sound), and now when I do it, he makes that sound back. It's funny :D 2 more teeth have erupted, totaling in 4 front teeth. I'm currently teaching him how to climb up the ladder of his slide hehe. Tapi sekarang asyik nak kena dukung je, suka nangis buat bunyi merajuk teruk. and sometimes in the middle of the night he doesn't want to be alone so I just put him in my lap, hug him tight, we look at each other doing nothing for hours huuu. Will probably upload few pics of that little darling in few days time :)

To the mosque we go, to the mosque we go it's friday today! :D it's friday people. and today we have the SEAD programme. An Eidul Adha celebration for malaysians in Irbid, oh I guess I'd probably be enjoying rendang after all (well that's the case if they cook rendang haha).

Yesterday, Ameer Faheem (and mummy hehe) managed to put his hands on a slide (gelongsor)- the toy which abang has promised to buy for him, in exchange with my cooking ngee~. A blue one, 3 steps. Huuu macam teruk plak isteri abang nih. Well the price is obviously cheaper than ordering food for 100 people so i'm taking it as a win-win situation, kan abang kan?? It's not that abang won't buy it for free (because really abang is one person who almost never say no to anything) but I just felt unfair to get something without doing anything.

Classes start in 2 days time and oh how much i hate that. But a student has got to strive hard. Our (Ameer Faheem and me) days will surely be lonely when abang is busy at class. And that signals I've got to put my headmistress hat on, planning things for Ameer Faheems education again. Btw, Ameer Faheem had his 2 weeks of school-free days :D

Aidil adha 2011

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

This year marks our (Ameer faheem and me) first aidiladha far away from home. I was a lil bit teary of course especially when abang started takbir on raya night but since it was only 2 weeks since I came back here, the eid was not so terrible after all Alhamdulillah :)

As we were in a festive mood, Abang decided to hold open houses (twice in fact). The first one which was on first day of raya, was allocated for the singles (especially abang's batch-mates :p). The second one on the third day of raya was for families. Initially abang decided to order the food priced at JD1.5 per head. Pondering upon that thought, I came up with another idea; which was I cook but in turn abang allows me to buy Faheem something expensive haha. A toy. Abang agreed. So on both occasion I cooked Nasi minyak, ayam masak merah, acar sayur, cakes (choc and banana), carbonara and macaroni. That were about all I could afford to do.. practically alone huu as i cooked for 100 people in total. Pheww that was really a work-out for me.

Ameer Faheem enjoyed the company so much of course, many kids to play with. And of course he loved playing with 'Umar! There was one time when he stood and hold on to Umar's hood and tried to chase after 'Umar, while flashing a cheeky smile all the time. But 'Umar walked too fast for him and he fell. Oh both of them look soo cute together! :DDD We also attended other open houses, it was such fun Alhamdulillah. An at one of the open houses, Kak Jiha actually made a soft cotton japanese cheesecake which was too good to be called delicious that I have decided to try baking it today! And Kak Aizah baked carrot cake which was also too good to be real and i'm gonna try baking it soon as i receive the recipe from her insyaAllah. Wish me luck :) Will probably send a report later haha.

Ameer Faheem will turn 10 months in 2 weeks time insyaAllah. We have lost track of his weight and height, thanks to the comprehensiveness of infant checkup in Jordan clinic :(. But he can now stand without support (and smiling ear to ear while doing it. oh he's so proud of it!), sometimes trying to take a step further but end in a fall hehe. I pray that he can walk soon insyaAllah.

Khabar dari irbid

Alhamdulillah dah seminggu kami meninggalkan bumi Malaysia. Dah seminggu juga kami bertabah mengharungi winter Jordan, setakat ni dah 13 darjah Celcius. Memang sejuk, Faheem dah seminggu tak mandi hehe. sebabnya bila mummy buka baju dia and bawa masuk toilet, menjerit-jerit menangis taknak kena air :p

Cepat betul waktu berlalu, bagai tak terasa dalam kekalutan menguruskan rumah. Sesungguhnya kami diuji lagi...

Jumaat 21 oktober, 19:50 kami berangkat ke Jordan dengan Gulf Air. Berat bagasi memang tak ingat, lebih kurang 150 kg utk kami tiga beranak. Tak termasuk lagi dengan stroller faheem yang tak perlu timbang huuu. Alhamdulillah tak banyak masalah di Airport. Dalam flight dari Malaysia ke Bahrain pun tak banyak masalah, Ameer Faheem tidur pada kebanyakan masa.

Dari Queen Alia international airport, puas kami berfikir cara untuk pulang kerumah beserta barang2 yang banyak. Akhirnya Allah berikan kami jalan keluar yang sungguh tak disangka2, kami pulang menaiki pickup. Harga pun murah JD15 sahaja dari airport sampai ke rumah. Entah macamane abang boleh terjumpa pickup tak tahulah.

Sampai shj dirumah, ingtkan bolehla berehat, sambil hati tak sabar2 untuk pasang segala hasil jahitan di Malaysia. Buka pintu, ya Allah, najis tikus berteraburan serata rumah, bau kencingnya menusuk sampai ke otak. Kami jalan dari satu bilik ke bilik lain, semuanya dicerobohi tikus hatta sehingga ke atas katil pun ada najis tikus. Kemudian kami ke dapur dan sekali lagi dikecewakan. Makanan dalam kotak dan tin habis dimakan, dapur sungguh kotor dan busuk. Tandas apatah lagi, laluan utama tikus untuk masuk kedalam rumah, penuh dengan tanah dan segala kotoran busuk. Terasa seperti ingin menangis, tapi masih gagah untuk terus mencapai vacuum cleaner dan terus membersihkan carpet. Tidak sempat pun menukar baju..

Cuaca di Jordan waktu itu sudah sejuk, winter sudah bermula. Ameer Faheem yang memang selsema sejak di Malaysia seperti susah untuk menyesuaikan diri dengan perubahan cuaca mendadak. Dia mula sesak nafas. Aku mula risau, dan selepas solat, kami terus keluar untuk ke hospital dan makan malam. Di hospital nasal suction dibuat- prosedur untuk menyedut kahak2 dan hingus, sebab Ameer Faheem masih belum pandai menghembuskan hingus dan membuang kahak sendiri sehingga menyebabkan dia sesak nafas. Alhamdulillah dia tidak ditahan di wad. Kami pulang malam itu keletihan dan terus tidur.

Keesokan harinya kelas abang bermula. Aku begitu berat hati untuk melepaskan abang pergi. Sebabnya tikus masih dalam rumah dan aku begitu fobia dengan tikus. Abang pesan supaya aku tidur sepanjang dia ke kelas dan dia cuba untuk balik awal setiap hari. Memang begitulah rutin aku dan faheem setiap hari. tidur sehingga abang pulang dari kelas. Bila abang pulang, barulah kami beroperasi mengemas rumah dan mencari tikus. Membuang barang2 yang rosak dan nmengasingkan pakaian yang perlu dibasuh. Akhirnya kami asingkan sehingga penuh 6 bakul pakaian untuk dibasuh. Bila mula hendak membasuh, mesin basuh pula tak berfungsi. Aku mula rasa tertekan, dan terus membasuh dengan tangan. Ya Allah terasa seperti sudah jatuh ditimpa tangga. Semuanya itu aku habiskan dalam 1 minggu. Sudahlah air sejuk seperti ais, tangan dan kaki pula memang luka2 sebab kering akibat cuaca yang sejuk, tapi digagahi juga untuk bersabar atas ujian2.

Akhirnya setelah 4 hari kelas, abang mula bercuti untuk 2 minggu. Cuti raya haji. Subhanallah aturan Allah itu memang cantik. Terasa ringan didada sejak abang mula bercuti. Kami mengemas rumah sebaik celik mata di waktu pagi sehinggalah keletihan tertidur pada waktu malam. Biasanya selesai saja solat isya' jam 6.30pm, kami terus tertidur. Beberapa hari kami ke balad untuk survey carpet dan akhirnya Alhamdulillah berjumpa dengan carpet yang berkenan di hati dan harga berpatutan. Pink for my room, purple polka dot for Ameer Faheem (sebab nak sesuaikan dengan set bilik tidur polka dot yang aku jahitkan hehe), Maroon stripes for the lounge and flowery pink for the lobby. Alhamdulillah. Memang aku patut ucap terima kasih yang tak terhingga kat abang sebab sudi melayan kehendak wife ngade dia ni nak carpet pink serumah hehe. Kemudian episod memasang carpet pun bermula. Memang meletihkan. Sudahlah angkat carpet pun berat, inikan pula memasang carpet dalam rumah yang sudah dipenuhi perabot. Aku dan abang bekerja berdua je, memindahkan perabot dari satu bilik ke bilik lain. Ya Allah, rasa seperti nak patah pinggang, rasa putus asa dan macam2 lagi perasaan negatif, tapi kami terus bertabah.

Kemudian setelah hampir 2 minggu, rumah hampir selesai di kemas, abang mula membaiki barang2 elektrik yang rosak. Alhamdulillah mesin basuh dah dibaiki, ada wayar putus digigit tikus. Abang seboleh2nya ingin mmbaiki semua barang sendiri. Sebabnya di kawasan kami ada satu sahaja kedai baiki mesin. Dan serious aku sendiri geram betul dengan tuan kedai tu, berbisnes dengan cara tidak jujur. Pendek kata, aku rasa dia dapat duit haram je. tak bimbangkah dia menyuap rezeki haram ke mulut anak isteri??? manusia.. manusia.. Tuan rumah kami pun warning supaya tidak ke kedai ni.

Pernah dulu bahagian spinner mesin basuh rosak. Abang hantar untuk dibaiki, terus dicaj JD25 (lebih kurang RM150). Bila buka bahagian belakang, rupa2nya dia hanya tambah pin pada tali spinner yang terputus, tak tukar tali baru pun. Takkanlah tambah pin sampai JD25?? Kemudian ada sekali abang hantar peti sejuk. Katanya rosak motor (rasanya semua orang hantar pun dia kata motor rosak, walaupun aku rasa gas je habis). terus dia charge JD60. Abang biarkan dulu di kedai sebab terlalu mahal. Tapi sekarang peti sejuk abang pun dah takde, dia jual barangkali. Baru2 ini pula kami hantar 2 sobah gas (heater) untuk dibaiki sebab apinya merah dan bukan biru. Mula2 dia kata JD6.5 untuk setiap satu (sebelum minta dibaiki, kami tanya harga dulu), kami kata mahal sangat. dia kata JD5, so kami kata ok. Dia baiki dua2 sobah tu 15 minit je,cuma tukar sumbu yg harganya JD1 (sebab abang pergi kedai hardware tanya). lepas tu dia kata harga JD6.5x2 + JD2 utk upah = JD15. Malam itu seriously aku rasa macam nak bunuh dia ni sebab menipu besar! Tapi aku diam je.

Alhamdulillah rumah kami selesai dikemas. Alhamdulillah wa shukrulillah. Lapang rasa dada. Abang pun boleh mula focus pada study, begitu juga aku. Alhamdulillah atas nikmat teman baik anugerah Allah. Abang memang satu anugerah, teman yang bersamanya aku lalui pelbagai perkara, dengannya aku pelajari erti sebenar kehidupan, bahawa kehidupan itu tak sentiasa indah dan mudah, tak sentiasa seperti yang kita impikan, tapi disebalik setiap usaha pasti ada bahagianya :) Mengenangkan kehidupan aku dan abang yang merantau, sejak dari mula kami berkahwin. Dulunya kami merantau ke kuantan bila abang pulang ke malaysia, dan kini kami merantau di jordan. Merantau di kuantan lain kisahnya. Pernah duduk di hotel berminggu2, duduk di homestay sehingga berbulan lamanya, berkali2 juga kami tidur di R&R kerana keletihan travelling kedah-kl-kuantan, kehidupan yang jika diceritakan seakan berbunyi pelik, tapi bila dilalui bersama abang terasa seperti adventurous hahaha. Merantau di bumi asing jordan, mungkin lebih banyak cabarannya. tatkala aku dan abang cuba untuk membina kehidupan dan rumah yang selesa untuk kami 3 beranak, memang tidak mudah. Dari segala aspek (yang kebanyakannya biarlah tersimpan rapi dalam lipatan memori aku dan abang). Dan sekali lagi kami banyak melakukan perkara yang mungkin tidak terjangkau pada pemikiran orang :p Contohnya waktu kami pindah rumah, abang angkut segala perabot seorang diri dari rumah ke lori. Aku marah betul dengan abang tentang perkara ni. Bimbang abang sakit2 belakang, sakit pinggang dan sakit satu badanlah senang cerita. Tapi abang kata waktu itu kawan2 sedang sibuk dengan program kalau tak silap. Kemudian dari lori ke rumah sewa baru barulah kawan2 datang untuk membantu sebab waktu itu sudah lewat malam dan program pun sudah habis.

Alhamdulillah ala kulli hal :)

Really...?

Seperti tidak percaya dalam tempoh lebih kurang 24 jam kami isyaAllah akan berangkat meninggalkan Malaysia... pengalaman baru untuk mummy yang tak pernah berjauhan lama dari keluarga, mungkin perkara biasa bagi daddy yang sudah lama di perantauan.. Ameer Faheem? Barangkalipermusafiran yang tidak memberi impak pada kehidupan tidur-makan-mainnya :)

Moga Allah permudahkan...

To just keep quiet and hug tight

I have so many things to write about. First about Asma's wedding. I have written an article on it but as the pics are still not available, I'll post it later. Second, about the convocation last saturday (but as it was dead boring, I guess I just have to skip writing about it). Next is about Big Bad Wolf (which I can't help but to write about it), but I haven't transferred the piccies from the camera, so it has to wait as well. Finally rambling is the easiest. So I guess i'll be happy with it for now :)

This morning Ameer Faheem self-servicely took his tonic which was Drapolene. Oh if you happen not to know what a Drapolene is, it is a pink cream for diaper rash! Yeah every single day morning is such an event for the two of us, but somehow there is always something to make each day stand out significantly from the others huu.

The day started out happily with great learning activities. I let him read a book entitled One Mole Digging a Hole, all the while ignoring his attempt to eat the book. (Well I'm kind of frustrated with the chronic mouthing period. Oh how I hope it will stop soon. He simply eats anything including slippers, rubbish etc). Then I played the video "Ten Little Numbers". He was so happy that he started to dance and..... finally fell on the floor. Then I started showing him flashcards of alif ba ta which stopped at the letter zai as he was uninterested. Then I gave him his breakfast and his second bottle of milk for the day. Then he slept for about 10 minutes before waking up again (that is too normal for him). Then I changed his diapers and let him play with the Drapolene (with the lid tight) before I ran to the kitchen to check on my cooking (maggi je huhu). No more than 5 minutes later, he cried. I ran to him and presto, the drapolene was on the floor, around his mouth, and some managed to go in huuu. It was just like icing. I was so shock that I practically swept him off the floor and washed his mouth. I called abang (who was doing his elective in Paediatrics ward, and asked him to ask his Dr what to do. Alhamdulillah Drapolene doesn't seem to be that nasty, and all that is need is symptomatic treatment...

I thought that was a warning for him, that enough is enough for the day but instead he became more hyperactive, forcing me to shout at one thing after another huuu. He played in the toilet, then take things off the rack one by one starting with a nailcipper, ridsect, shoe brush etc. I took the thing from him one by one, and the next thing i realized he was trying to eat an envelope. After being forbidden to do so, he went to a cupboard and open and close drawers. Phewwww. I immediately brought him out of the room, realizing that my patient was thinning fast :( He went to the kitchen, turned off the stove fire and tried to play around with gas before moving on to banging pots and pans. I transferred him to the living room hoping for a more serene condition but next thing I knew he was in the toilet. I took my phone, smsed abang, and sat down to cry. Man I was tired.

That is how my usual day goes. Luckily abang is still a student, who can luxuriously come home (for the day) at noon to help me out. Alhamdulillah.

But the thing that I want to share is kids are like that. Some are perhaps milder, some are worse. After all he is just a kid. My house is not a kid-friendly kid-safe house. Self explained by the age of the youngest among us is now 19 years old. Sometimes I do miss our house in Jordan where I can let Ameer Faheem explore his own world without having me to ban him from doing almost everything. Here, we put rubbish bin everywhere, giving him chances to *uhuks* empty them anytime. We have stairs practically in between every rooms! Oh I think abah loves a house with many levels, and windows! I am tired watching him climbing up stairs. Ameer Faheem even climbed upstair to the second storey once. I almost got a heart attack. Ummi put flowers everywhere, and for sure Ameer Faheem understood it as he is invited to pick them up. And due to all those, accidents happen like a train. one after another.

A child wants to learn, attention, love and EXPLORE. Sometimes I am mad at myself for not giving Ameer Faheem the things he needs to grow. I am not a mum-angel who can always smile
despite what he does. I sometimes get mad, I raise my voice, I shout, I cry, I pray and I advice. If what he does do cross certain limits, (such as bullying safiyya), I act stern using the words Allah marah, neraka and syurga. He is a 9 month old kid who doesn't understand but if he is not being taught he will never understand.

Oh how i hope Allah will guide me to bring up this amanah. Ameer Faheem is indeed an amanah. An amanah that is so precious that most of the time he makes us smile, and he makes us feel warm inside, and I can tell, we kiss him for more than hundreds of times per day haha, probably thousands!

But sometimes what I am best at is to just keep quiet and hug him tight..

Ameer Faheem and Abang

Today I plan to write on Faheem's education plans (haha macamlah banyak sangat), a topic which i keep postponing for so long. Well we were not well for quite sometime, I had fever for 2 weeks, siap muntah2 and prompted abang to ask me to undergo the pregnancy test huu. Alhamdulillah, sekarang dah sembuh :)

Eventhough Faheem is only 8 months old, I have started teaching him simple things, basically I want to teach him how to read. My main reason? Faheem is too active, trust me he is TOO active such that at times I just feel like collapsing. Oh yes there are times when I cry to abang and tell him that sometimes I need time for myself. I admit sometimes I just miss going window shopping alone, I miss enjoying leisure time reading storybooks, I want to jump into my car and drive around alone, I want to bake and sew without being disturbed... Being a fulltime housewife is actually a career which is busier than an office job. You don't get a break at 10 and at 1, you don't start at 8 and end at 5 etc, you don't get free weekends to unwind, but it is a responsibility that goes round the clock. And for that I respect a housewife with many kids huu! Don't get me wrong. Faheem is not a burden but I am adapting to the life of a mother. A good one. Kalau setakat bagi tidur, bagi makan, anybody can do that. But, with increasing age, comes increasing needs, which means, increasing responsibility for us!

Alhamdulillah abang has always been there for us (faheem and me) :). Allah presents me with a husband who doesn't mind changing faheem's nappy, preparing his milk, waking up in the middle of the night to take care of faheem and give me chance to sleep, adush tak tersenaraikan rasanya bantuan abang huuu. Berdosakah macam buli suami pulak??? Huuu, thank you abang... really I can't imagine how can I cope wthout him....

Back to Faheem's hyperactivity, I am kind of hoping that once he can read, I would be able to quieten him a bit by giving him storybooks which he can let himself engrossed with, reading :p Another thing, I have always dreamt of owning a house (one day in the far future hehe) with a big library. I have always loved books! so I started buying Faheem's books since he was still in the womb! Huu, adakah ibu yang sebegini excited? I remember once I was dealing with a sister who lives in UK, to buy few sets of used storybooks in UK. she asked, "Anak dah umur berapa?" I answered, "Anak saya 5 bulan dalam perut lagi" Hahaha. tergelak kakak tu dengar.

Here goes...

1. The first set that I bought. Winnie the pooh. but I don't really like the language because they like to use american shortforms.. These are used books which look like new!

2. second set. Grolier books, also used but look like new. Bought in UK. Bought this when i was 5 months pregnant with faheem huu.

3. Quran stories for kids (pic on top) & little hearts. Beli kat maribaca.blogspot.com. Thank you kak chik yang bagi banyak discount! :)

4. Flashcards peter and jane, baby khalifah. Yg baby khalifah tu beli satu set, mommy teruja sebab dalam bag (1 set dalam bag) ada book of adab, book of solat etc. ada CD sekali. Yg keywords tu bonda dan pipi yg hadiahkan, a souvenir from UK when they went there earlier this year.

Finally these are faheem's board books. 3 books in a set. Ooops the blue moon book was a present from bonda as well :)

The issue is can faheem read all these? Haha of course not. He eats them all! But I take great care not to let him ruin the books because abang spent a big amount of money to buy those (mahal bagi kami yang tak bergaji lagi ni :)).

so what I do now, I made my own sets of flashcards (I'll put up the pics laters), english and arabic alphabets . Everyday I will keep repeating flashing the cards to him. Most of the times he will laugh and laugh as if the whole business is dead funny huu. I also play educational videos which I downloaded from youtube which include abc, numbers and alif ba ta song, simple surah from the quran, animals etc. Sometimes I allow him to watch cartoons such as chuggington and roary the racing car. His favourite is 10 little numbers :p which induces him to start dancing. Truth is I don't know whether he learns anything from these activities, but important thing is i have tried. People say kids do learn in their own way, so let it be..

Teaching a kid is not simple. It requires an infinite patience.. No doubt I have to extend my thanks to abang. Really this thing requires cooperation from both mummy and daddy. Abang yang sabar memenuhi keperluan2. I said I needed colour papers, abang belikan. I needed manila cards, abang juga yang g belikan. Alhamdulillah ala kulli hal :)

1. urusan daftar kerja dah selesai, tunggu nak g interview spa je insyaAllah

2. asma nak kawen dah ahad ni.... busy la dgn kenduri. Yg sebenarnya I am busy preparing my own dress sebab kan abang and me nak kawen lagi hujung minggu ni hehe.

3. i want to write on our experience introducing faheem to waterfalls :D

4 weeks?

Been busy completing my job application form, and will insyaAllah finish everything by friday :) I haven't changed my mind which means I do not intend to start working earlier than next June. I am still tolerating pigmented sputum despite the finished antibiotic which signals another clinic visit is due. And 4 weeks left before we have to depart to Jordan again??? Man , that fast T_T...

Have I ever mentioned that Ameer Faheem has 2 new teeth since a month ago?? Yup, he bites people (read: mommy) nowadays. Probably I need to make a tag for him which says, "Beware of this boy. He bites!"

Abang works hard these days [ahaksss]. He comes back late everyday, and oh I miss him every single day T_T. Kan best kalau abang dapat evening off setiap hari ^_^, g hospital separuh hari je heh. Too true, I am a rambling jobless wife who can't possibly wait patiently for the husband to return home everyday huhuuuu, while letting the little boy do whatever that he wants.. He likes to play with pots and pans! Mummy tgh tidur pun dia g dapur sorang2 untuk bermain dengan periuk belanga nenek aduh. He is seriously busy! Have u ever heard of the saying that goes . "Kids are the busiest people in the world" Even a prime minister can't beat them you know...

Abang has started doing his elective a week ago. Faheem and me? We are down with fever, cough, stuffy nose, flu and sore throat. Faheem's first URTI (upper respiratory tract infection) ever. Sewing project doesn't go well for sure with the rising temperature.

I have to reluctantly admit, I am jealous of abang. I'm screaming inside to follow him to the hospital huuu, which makes me think for the umpteenth time to start my housemanship asap, but I know when he depart for Jordan, I'll scream out loud to get on the plane with him huhu. Now i'm trying to figure out what do I miss actually? Being shouted at by the seniors or the tiring life which is capable of turning one into zombie anytime. Huuu I am insane.

Faheem turns 8 in a week time insyaAllah. Now I haven't elaborated him for quite some time. He started cruising a month ago, and he could crawl since only a week ago. He can sit on his own. He enjoys eating almost anything including cendol, milo ais etc. He sure smiles a lot. Sekarang comot banyak hingus. He loves nenek's kitchen. and... he disturbs almost anything which at times makes mommy mad huuu.

Semua org (abang's family) ckp faheem super duper active just like daddy when he was small aiyaaa. Seriously mommy boleh pengsan jaga faheem alone huu. Alhamdulillah abang has been playing his superman role to control the condition and mommy-cooler to prevent mommy from exploding huhuuu.

Faheem at times can be so cunning, and at times can be rebellious. He loves attention and does so many things to get it. 1 thing I do know, his emotion is developing well alhamdulillah :) Dia suka menangis suara halus which is almost inaudible and sit alone as if he is sulking. oh maybe he is haha. He still sleeps alone and I do miss him which prompts me to make occasional visits to his cot throughout the night just to stare at the cute and serene face. Faheem.... faheem... :)

I think most of my friends who were pregnant or delivered around my first pregnancy are currently pregnant again or waiting to deliver for the second time... which makes me think of having a second baby. Ok I admit I want a girl. But If I do get pregnant and blessed with a boy who is just as active as faheem, mungkin akan pengsan kepenatan haha.

Raya activity

Alhamdulillah we have safely arrived from kedah last night, after 2 weeks of breathing alosstaq air, berakhirnya kembara raya 2000km. fuhh. i said to abang, since we came back from jordan, we have been living in the car! it's super duper tiring, but alhamdulillah, fulfilling :) arriving in kl doesn't mean everything comes to an end though, because it's time to attend weddings...

when we came back from jordan, the first thing i requested to abang was to go to jalan TAR. sebabnya i read this 1 blog, owned by kak moon. according to kak moon when we go to Sarah hughes store (used to be globe silk store), and buy clothes for curtain. just mention "I'm a follower of Moon", we will automatically be eligible to get a 50% discount on top of the sale price. sounds weird, yess haha. so the last few days in jordan, i chatted with kak moon, clarifying few things. pelik jugak nak g kedai kain tetibe nak bagi password "Saya follow blog moon" hahaha. tak pasal2 penjual ckp aku ni merapu pulak huuu.

coincidentally abang had to finish some business in bangunan Mara, so we left faheem at home and went there by train. driving was a big NO as it was the last few days before raya, and if we did drive, we would only finish our precious time enjoying traffic jams haha. i didn't tell abang about the sarah hughes store yet, but i offered him a minimal info about buying clothes to make curtain for faheem's and our bedroom in jordan.

masuk keluar kamdar, nagoya, sarah hughes store, and banyak lagi kedai kain, finally we decided to buy a blue stripe for faheem, and yes in sarah hughes store hehe. the price was very much reduced, from RM66 per meter to RM43 per meter (Raya sale), but when I mention "I follow blog moon" [of course after fighting with the inner conflicts, and abang pun pandang pelik kat aku huuu], i bought it at RM21.50 per meter. to me it is still on the expensve side, tapi takpelah sebab nampak kain quality, hopefully tahan lama la sampai faheem umur 10 tahun ok :p

few days after that, we went to Nilai, still with the aim to find curtain clothes, for our room, and to mix-and-match faheem's blue stripe. dapatla beli utk faheem, blue polka dot. yang ni kain murah RM6.80 per meter and kain tebal! but i still didn't find any curtain which suit my taste for our room.

finally when we went back to kedah, abang bought me to many clothes store, and after 2 days of searching i settled for few clothes sold by Kamdar. It was a mix and match of white, pink and english rose. (aku ngan abang dah decide nak kawen lagi oktober ni bersempena wedding asma' hahaha, so perlulah membeli kain putih utk hias bilik pengantin kami!! bilik kat jordan la haha :p)

so what i did in kedah (mak tolong sekali sebab mak sibuk nak siapkan tempahan raya aku plak sibuk nk pinjam sewing machine mak. so mak jahit kat machine, aku tolong jahit baju2 tempahan guna tangan seperti jahit kancing, silang pangkah dsb. kalau mak g kerja, aku cepat2 jahit banyak2 hehe)

1. Faheem's curtain

2. Faheem's hanging bedhead

3. Faheem's bedspread

4. Faheem's comforter

5. Our curtain

And yep I have 6 more weeks in Malaysia (while abang does his elective), and I plan to sew and sew and sew! Kali ni pinjam sewing machine kakak pulak haha. Terpaksa la setiap pagi aku berjalan g umah kakak T_T

Will upload some piccies later :)

My study experience (3)

Alamak semakin malas plak nak tulis pasal ni, initially plan nak tulis pasal Ameer Faheem's books and education huuu

I guess I should continue on how to study waktu bersalin (which is not useful to anyone I guess haha), and how to study with a baby. Ok, not much on the first part.

Selepas episod yang teruk of nausea and vomiting uring my first posting which was internal medicine, a motivating period during O&G, an extremely tiring period of paeds (I started having nausea & vomiting again in the third trimester, and worst the baby bump was heavy, caused difficulty in breathing, his limbs were sharp poking my abdomen as I had oligohydramnios, I had to do CTG and Doppler US weekly for certain reason bla...bla...bla... ) I can't remember how did I study at that time huuu, but my guess would be, I didn't study much T_T

Next came Surgery. I attended the first fruitless week (the first week is always fruitless haha), then I was admitted in the second week due to premature contraction (Ameer Faheem was 35 weeks old), warded for a week, and at 36th week, I was induced due to Ameer Faheem had IUGR (Intrauterine Growth Restriction) and took maternity leave for 2 weeks. In total I had 3 weeks of holiday hurrah! When I came back, it was in the 5th week!!! Memang terasa bila kawan2 dah pro ttg surgery, and I was crawling to understand simple things huh and to fill up my logbook T_T. Abang had gone back to Jordan, Ummi came with me to Kuantan to take care of Ameer Faheem until my Surgery exam (for 3 weeks). Some lecturers were reluctant to let me sit for the exam as I had more than 20% absence but I was determined to go for it haha. Of course I didn't score well :( but I passed alhamdulillah and I promised myself to do better in the final posting which was psy.

Waktu ni memang mencabar. I left my house at around 7.30am because I breastfed Ameer Faheem before going to the hospital, I came back during lunch time and go out again to attend the afternoon class. Ameer Faheem asyik kencing and berak je sampai bocor pampers huhu, and I don't really sleep throughout the nights sebab dia asyik nak menyusu je. I took that opportunity to read my notes but I was so tired that many times I just didn't know what I was reading. I started giving him formula milk because I was too tired to stay up (many times Ummi would wake up and prepare his milk). Ummi is really a gift from heaven! But I still managed to finish my surgery notes! Tak tahulah macamana sempat buat huhuu. I think making notes to me is as natural as having my meal huuu. You'll find time for it no matter how busy you are!

I drove with Ameer Faheem (only the two of us hehe) to Kuantan to start my Psychiatry posing. This time I knew I had no time to waste. I guess I was truly blessed by Allah to be grouped with Dr Iman in this posting, such a great motivator and a great friend. We always took Psy for granted haha. Every morning, I went out at 6.45am. Ameer Faheem tak mandi ok. I sent him to the hospital nursery, and at 7am, I met either Iman or my best buddy, Zanaridah in the ward. We practice doing shortcases everyday, going to different wards depending on available cases and depending on what I have revised the previous day. Kawan2 kata ada finding best kat Paeds, maka ke ward Paeds la kami pergi. Begitu juga wad lain. I even joined the Internal Medicine ward rounds in the morning! I think starting with IM in the 5th year is an advantage. Because you will get Psy last and you have much time to revise the other postings. At around 9.30am, we walk to the end of the hospital where Psy ward is located (if there is any class at all, otherwise I'll stay in the main building the whole day). Every afternoon we have Psy seminar. After the seminar, usually at round 4am, I will go to Psy ward and find a case (to present the next day) and at around 6pm, I fetched Ameer Faheem from the nursery (which was located just beside Psy ward) and went home. 6-7pm was our rest time. I gave Ameer Faheem his milk, and then both of us will sleep. At 7 I woke up, refreshed myself for maghrib prayer and watched the melayu drama haha. 8pm was the time to start studying again, and making notes (AGAIN???) I studied till around 10 or 11, entertaining Ameer Faheem and changing his diapers in between and putting him to sleep, at 11 I retired to my bed. I woke up again at around 2 to 3 am, to study while chatting with abang.

So you see, I didn't make a timetable which I had to follow, but my life itself was such a routine. And I disciplined myself to follow that routine. Well actually I didn't force myself to follow that routine, but I disciplined myself to achieve my daily aim which indirectly made me follow that routine. I put my study as number one, but in between I fulfilled Ameer Faheem's needs. If you put it the other way round, then the outcome will totally be different! I type while Ameer Faheem was on my lap, I read while breatsfeeding him, I fell asleep when he was sleeping hahaha jeles kot tgk dia best je asek tidur!

As for shortcases, practise practise and practise. I started practising for my shortcase during the last posting, sempat je insyaAllah :D It is never too late I guess haha, but be consistent. There aren't too many systems kan? CVS, respi, abdomen, neuro, ortho (ni memang tak practise sgt pun huuu. my own mistake), O&G, and I recommend for shortcase, bacalah buku NK Chew tu sampai habis, really helpful! Nak khatam ulang2 kali lagi bagus! Do shortcases best in pair, time it (5 minutes), repeat, repeat and repeat. Don't waste time lingering in the ward. Mungkin disebabkan saya ni muka tak malu, I usually go to the ward, IM for example, walk to the last cubicle (respi cubicle), minta izin terus utk examine with a short intro. Tak payahlah nak segan2, jalan kehulu ke hilir without doing nothing, buang masa je. Lepas examine, directly present to your friend, and then straightaway find the bed ticket to know the diagnosis, finding, look at the X ray etc. If anybody inform you that there are patients with good finding, straightaway go to the ward to examine them. Kalau tangguh2 alamatnya patient will be discharged or dia dah malas kena examine setelah ramai sgt org examine haha. Lepas examine, present present and present. Discuss discuss and discuss. While discussing we usually refer to little book of causes (for differentials), oxford handbook for investigation etc and malaysian book for management eg Sarawak handbook, Paeds protocol etc.

Put a target that at least everyday you examine eg 3 patients (examined by you and not you observing your friend!). Many times I like to do long cases straightaway. For example, we go to a patent, then I will tell my friend, "I give you 5 minutes to get a chief complain and get a general idea of what the patient has. Then examine any appropriate system". If you are used to getting chief complaint and know how to exclude each differential for each chief complain, than in long case, takdelah melalut2 tanya patient benda merepek2 :) Go straight to the point.

1 more thing, practise to do a general inspection/ examination of a patient. Zanaridah and me in our third year used to tour the ward, go to each patient and taking turns to just present the general inspection. General inspection really helps you to make certain diagnosis. For example if you see a middle age patient with barrel chest and tracheal tug, you would like to SUSPECT COAD. A young adult, thin, and with certain facies usually has HIV and come with infective endocarditis. Contoh je lah. Most of the time you can 'suspect'. Probably most of us has known that for general inspection we should know what to look for. As for me, I have this 5-sentences template hehe.

1. This is an [elderly/young], [lady, gentleman, boy, girl, baby] who is [lying, sitting in certain position? etc]

2. He is [pink, pale, jaundiced, cyanosed, sallow looking], appears [comfortable, in pain, resp distress?]

3. Nutritional status [obese, cachexic], hydrational staus (controversial, some lecturers dislike), hygiene [unkempt, clean]

4. Syndromic facies, visible deformity (eg arachnodactyly in Marfan, amputation)

5. Attachments [oxygen, TPN, CBD, chest tube or ape2lah]

well I'm going to stop here, will continue later :p

Ameer Faheem at 7 months

Not in the mood to blog. In the mood to go back. Just can't believe that tomorrow is thursday! Ahhh 3 months away from home are enough to make me miss it like mad. Busy doing some house cleaning, oh well we are going back for 2 joyful months insyaAllah. goodbye Jordan and all its contents hehe.

Ameer Faheem turns 7 the day after next, oh how our Faheem has grown much! He is super active, making mommy super duper tired. I'm transforming into a mommy-tarzan I guess which makes Ameer Faheem a tarzan and abang a daddy-tarzan! His head is always full of ideas, naughty ones too!!! I can't leave him for few seconds without him doing something. And currently he keeps trying to stand without support! haisyy anakku berdiri pun senget benget goyang2 lagi dah sebok nak lepas tangan, sabar je lah. First he will stand up by holding on to a table, bag or any available things. Once he has stood, he will put up his hand (as if in a surrender condition) and flashes me a cheeky smile. Lepas tu jatuh tergolek. Adoi. Well that reminds me of my cute piyah. Dah lama pandai berdiri, dah stabil sgt pun tp still hati2 tak berani lepas tangan. Careful and extra careful. Oh I forgot, a girl is definitely different from a boy :D

There was another day when we bought nasi for iftar. Abang put them on the table and then went into the kitchen. Suddenly I heard the sound of rustling plastics, (as usual) rushed to the lounge and said "Faheem!!", ahh there he was, standing besides the table, holding on to the plastic, busy trying to reach for the content while wearing an innocent face that says, "Ah, what have you got for me today?" Dush. Rasa nak cubit je budak comel ni

Faheem is a big boy and I can't wait to go back home (where almost all his belongings are kept) and start his education. I brought few of his books to jordan, and I'm tired of repeating the same story to him again and again- jungle book, toy story, and lion king :( Well one day I'm going to write on his education plan, but as abang has told me time and again, Faheem is our guinea pig huhu, we didin't have any experience educating a child before. But of course not an experiment without an extensive research prior insyaAllah :)

My friends has started working. i didn't knew that it would hit me this hard, but at times I feel like crying when I read their placement hospitals in the facebook. I am kind of sad but being far away from abang AGAIN is just unimaginable. It feels like you are missing the train.... huuu. And at times I just don't feel like playing with Ameer Faheem during the mood swings. I guess I need time to adjust. Thanks abang for handling the emotion roller coaster :D

Balik cuti memang banyak plan

1. G jalan TAR dgn abang, nak beli kain

2. Nak jahit curtain, baju raya abang, faheem and me

3. Nak belajar dengan mak cara jahit kemeja and of course make a pair for abang and faheem

4. Nak selesaikan segala bayaran online shopping and happily wait for the goods to arrive hehe

5. COD booster seat Ameer Faheem

5. Apply for part time job???

6. Convocation

7. Asma's and Amin's wedding

8. Attend weddingssssss :D

9. Ziarah newborn baby

10. Continue Ameer faheem's & mommy's checkup in KD Kg Subang

11. Endless......

My study experience (2)

I had waited for almost a year before I finally stopped planning for pregnancy. Married without a baby is not that fun I guess. Well then if you still remember I had quite a severe homesickness, thus this pathological mind of mine decided that if I can't have my family in Kuantan, why don't I start my own family haha. Absurd~ But is the timing correct? I was about to enter final year, man, with the terrifying final professional exam coming and the husband living very far away. Believe me, insyaAllah with Allah's help and guidance, final pro is not that terrifying :)

I wanted to prove that a pregnant lady can do just as much (if not more) as other people. in O&G, after the morning sickness has reduced much3 in intensity, I worked really hard. I handled more than 5 deliveries (the requirement was 5 only), I attended more than 10 oncalls, I stayed in the hospital for 2 days straight doing back to back calls just like what I did in 3rd year (when I was not even married!), I seriously filled up my logbook by performing many HVS (haha gile ke ape ni?). If I could do it, then why can't anybody else? I was pregnant, my husband was not around, and I was practically on my own.

Well I don't want to deny that I received many negative comments. People (nurses, MOs etc) asked me, "Kenapa nak pregnant sekarang? Kenapa tak tunggu lepas grad", "Kesian awak ni, dahla tengah belajar, kalau bersalin takde cuti" and MANY MORE, but I just smiled. But of course, silently I answered, "This is my life and I decide". Truthfully I was the one yang nak sangat3 nak baby haha, abang cukup risau because he said he wouldn't be around to take care of us. Simultaneously I also received positive comments. There was one time, a visiting lecturer (a specialist from another hospital), came to give us few lectures. We had a ward round with him. After the round had finished, I hung out with a friend in the ward, discussing something I guess. Suddenly he (the specialist) came to us and excitedly asked "Bila due? sebelum exam ke selepas exam" I was of course surprised. I said "4 months before our final pro" and he continued "Wife saya dulu pun macamni! Lepastu dia tangguh HO sebab nak jaga baby" His wife is now a head department somewhere. I just smiled :)

I have to admit, pregnancy is tiring (at least to me). I slept earlier than usual, I couldn't do anything much in the hospital, many times I had to sit during bedside teachings but what's wrong with that? Because i preferred to sit much, I took this chance to strengthen my theory, finish making notes, and I carried my notes everywhere, so that I can read it whenever I have the chance. As had been said earlier, I like to comparmentalize. Thus I divided the 6 weeks for Obs and gynae. 3 for Obs and 3 for Gynae. The final 1 week was for revision. Obs for example, i allocated about 1 week to study about antenatal care which was further comparmentalized into trimesters (which includes hyperem, PPROM, PROM, APH, untried scar etc). Then about 1 week for medical diseases in pregnancy, and finally 1 week on labour & postpartum- the normal process and pathology. Well i guess that's the bulk of Obs :)

Important thing is, always list down all the topics in a posting, then once you have an overview of what you have to learn, zoom into each topic, study in depth. insyaAllah you won't get lost.

I don't have specific time to study, but i do have a list of topics which i have to cover each day. Utamakan study, and urusan lain will fit in. For example if I have 5 topics to read today, during lunch time I finish a topic, sementara tunggu lecturer datang seminar, habis lagi 1 topic, usually takde kelas in the evening you can finish 2 or 3 topics and by the time you get home, you have only 1 or 2 topics left to be read. So pandai2 la budget, sempat la nak tengok drama sekejap ke (we -Hazwani and me- watched the 7-8pm drama melayu everyday hehe).

I admit, there are times when you just feel too lazy to sit down and read. I study anywhere. tak payah properly sit kat study table pun boleh study. kalau dah sehabis malas, I switch off the bedroom light, lie on my bed, open my laptop and read seminar slides sampai la tertidur. ni serious slalu buat macamni hehe.

To be continued...