The clicking sound

It was embarrassing- the clicking sound with each advancing steps, It was lowering my self esteem- the clattering sound accompanying my gait.. It was the sound of pebbles in the heels of my formal shoes. Judging from the situation, no doubt it was an old pair of shoes.. I bought it myself a long time ago, at a mega sale held in The Store in Kuantan, way back when I was in my preclinical years. I can’t even remember when. If only the sound were aborted, then no one would have guessed its old age.. And yet the sound gave away the secret.

It was quite cheap, obviously not a branded one. The heels were empty and that explains the clicking sound. When the sole was worn off, all the pebbles were free to enter and made the heels their own personal residency..-sigh- And for countless of time , they proceeded to the feet area; urging me to shake the shoes upside them just to vacate them and spare the pain of walking in a shoes full of pebbles!

For the umpteenth time, I was thinking of buying a new pair. In my own conscience and judgement, I really deserve it. In my own conscience…

That was before I was assigned a heart-inspiring patient- a sweet boy of 9 who had Acute glomerulonephritis- some kind of kidney disease. The 11th child out of 13 siblings, a member out of 16 households living in a 3-bedroom village house, the son of a rubber tapper single mother (the dad walked out on them), a year 3 student who only get RM1 pocket money, an active child who always insist in helping her mother to tap rubber, an active boy whose daily meal was not guaranteed, my eyes, heart and mind were opened and exposed to a new, wonderful, and yet pitiful world..

I spent quite ample time with them, to listen to their social and family problem, to lend my ears when they need someone to understand, to offer my advices and assurance when they seek for support, or to just be there for them and let them know in this whole wide world, there are always people who care. And I learn to be humble, I learn to be far more grateful with whatever that I have, I learn to appreciate my family and friends more, and most importantly I learn to be a good servant of God and realize there was nothing more important than Him.. They are indeed my teachers! My patients are.....

Recently, I realize that I have grown to be a part of the healthcare system, I have started to adjust with a path and life that I have at one time chosen, I become fond of the patients that I have to take care of and I subconsciously learn to love those who come for help and hope in the hospital.. I guess I am on the right track after all; although at times I can’t figure out why did I choose Medicine and that I may have made a major mistake. May Allah help me to go through the thick and thin in Medicine.. Ameen