We were in the lift when somebody asked me, "Can thrombosis occur in the vein?" Then I answered bluntly "We do have a condition called Deep Vein Thrombosis". Suddenly her face lightened and brightened up, she looked very excited similar to the expression of an innocent child when she gets an ice cream, "YES, BETUL LA PANDAINYA!!!!" I was extremely surprised by that unexpected reaction and burst into laughter "Huh??"
What syndrome should I call that? Huhu probably the medical students esp the IIUM medical students are in such a stressful period of Professional Exam time-territory.. The brain being fed with unimaginable amount of medical facts that discovering such a simple fact as 'Deep Vein Thrombosis does exists' can be a WONDERFUL experience hahaha
And I think I'm turning into a statue. A statue of a "medical student 'hovering' over a laptop". Huhu. I don't have any idea what I am doing staring at the laptop for hours! Berangan huh? So long, that I have to prop up a pillow on the chair just to support my vertebra. Isn't my vertebra the one who has to support my body? Now I'm truly confused.. And suddenly I am haunted by the thought of getting Deep Vein Thrombosis, because I'm in a condition that is not much different from spending 10 hours on the aeroplane.
Oh my, I really need to take a break and talk to real people rather than babbling here.. Subhanallah
Monday
repost
-from my friendster blog huhuu..-
hmm lama betul tak jenguk this blog. busy la konon huhu. having nothing to tell was definitely not the case. but i always wonder who read my blog? siapa? SIAPA? huu. of course i started to wonder when somone asked me "For whom do you write all these?" For myself of course! oh my such a narcissitic answer. when i pondered upon the question, i started to wonder myself "For whom do i write this blog?".
I guess i use it as some kind of a diary.. where i can say anything i want, and keep forgetting that it can be easily accessed by the public. Well you see, some people can talk non stop if only they were given the chance and lent the ears. And some people can really write to such an unbelievable extent if only they were given the space. And obviously that's me. Just don't mention that the stuff being documented are nonsense huu (like what i'm doing write now)
And to be truthful, i always hope that nobody would bother to even have a glimpse of this blog. -sigh- and discover how unbelievable i can be- babbling around nonsensely. and to realize that i started off in writing this with an idea in my mind, and now i am about to stop, without dropping a single line on the actual thing i wanted to write on -sigh for the second time-
hmm lama betul tak jenguk this blog. busy la konon huhu. having nothing to tell was definitely not the case. but i always wonder who read my blog? siapa? SIAPA? huu. of course i started to wonder when somone asked me "For whom do you write all these?" For myself of course! oh my such a narcissitic answer. when i pondered upon the question, i started to wonder myself "For whom do i write this blog?".
I guess i use it as some kind of a diary.. where i can say anything i want, and keep forgetting that it can be easily accessed by the public. Well you see, some people can talk non stop if only they were given the chance and lent the ears. And some people can really write to such an unbelievable extent if only they were given the space. And obviously that's me. Just don't mention that the stuff being documented are nonsense huu (like what i'm doing write now)
And to be truthful, i always hope that nobody would bother to even have a glimpse of this blog. -sigh- and discover how unbelievable i can be- babbling around nonsensely. and to realize that i started off in writing this with an idea in my mind, and now i am about to stop, without dropping a single line on the actual thing i wanted to write on -sigh for the second time-
Searching for the purpose
I always wonder, behind everything that happens, what would the hikmah be? Most of the times it is hard to feel grateful with whatever we have until something happens and enlightens us on the hidden hikmah.. and we would never fail to feel ashame.. Malu dgn siapa? Malu pd Allah sebab Dia selalu memberikan yang terbaik sedangkan kita terlalu payah untuk bersabar.
Yes we know, that each and everyone of us was created with purpose- a general purpose which is to be a khalifah. But I always wonder why am I destined to be a female instead of male? Why am i choosen by Him to be the second child out of 5 siblings? Why am I doing medicine right now? Why does Allah give me specific characteristics- a combination of specific mahmudah and mazmumah attributes which creates the personality I'm wearing right now? And so many other things..
And Allah told us in the Quran that He doesn't creates us just for fun.. each of us creates a special meaning, carve a unique template and marks our individual existence in this world with specific purposes.. And i keep wondering.. And the duration varies.. A baby born and allowed to live for a few seconds and then he dies.. don't you think that is amazing. One might said, it would be better if he is never fertilized, never conceived at all.. then he won't initially brings hope to his parents and in an instant create a space for grievances.. it is so purposeless..
If only... if only we realize that in things as small as 'burping is relieving and it ultimately points to the grandeur of Allah the Almighty'.. then our life will be a wonderful experience full of discovery and gratitude.. And the ultra short existence of a baby is actually a motivation for the parent to lead a better life so that insyaAllah one day they'll meet again in paradise.. the sorrow is indeed a blessing in disguise..but how often does that actually takes place?? -sigh-...
Yes we know, that each and everyone of us was created with purpose- a general purpose which is to be a khalifah. But I always wonder why am I destined to be a female instead of male? Why am i choosen by Him to be the second child out of 5 siblings? Why am I doing medicine right now? Why does Allah give me specific characteristics- a combination of specific mahmudah and mazmumah attributes which creates the personality I'm wearing right now? And so many other things..
And Allah told us in the Quran that He doesn't creates us just for fun.. each of us creates a special meaning, carve a unique template and marks our individual existence in this world with specific purposes.. And i keep wondering.. And the duration varies.. A baby born and allowed to live for a few seconds and then he dies.. don't you think that is amazing. One might said, it would be better if he is never fertilized, never conceived at all.. then he won't initially brings hope to his parents and in an instant create a space for grievances.. it is so purposeless..
If only... if only we realize that in things as small as 'burping is relieving and it ultimately points to the grandeur of Allah the Almighty'.. then our life will be a wonderful experience full of discovery and gratitude.. And the ultra short existence of a baby is actually a motivation for the parent to lead a better life so that insyaAllah one day they'll meet again in paradise.. the sorrow is indeed a blessing in disguise..but how often does that actually takes place?? -sigh-...
What is Islamic what is Unislamic??
If i were given the chance to choose the theme of my blog, then i would choose 'bakery'. I guess that is 1 of the words that i like best. Truth is, most people judge a person through his/her writing. And they tend to be critical and conservational and theoretical as well (well i don't say everybody, i say most). 1 thing that i like most is the concept Islam ad Deen- Islam is a way of life. It surely makes our life more meaningful and brighter. What is best with this concept is, it makes me feel that i am a good muslim even when i am baking =P or reading story books. Or writing everyday experiences in my blog, treating it as a diary all along. And yet sometimes i feel that it is inadequate to just laze around, feeling grateful all the time and enjoy my own life without doing something serious for the betterment of the ummah, for Islam. Or writing a blog on heavy issues related to Islam.
People might agree or they might disagree with my way. And that leads to the question "For whom do you write this blog?" and which forces me to answer "I write for myself" haha. My message is simple- Islam is a guide of how should we live our lives. Each of us can do anything that we want as long as it abides by the shariah. Being a muslim doesn't spell the word OPPRESSION, but rather it symbolizes a true freedom within the boundary of worshipping Allah.
I am a muslimah who is striving to be a good one. Not to mention that each and every one of us should do the same. We make mistakes and we improvise.. that is the way I personally think should be- muhasabah and ishlah. Nothing wrong in sharing our ups and downs with others right?
And up to this moment, I still enjoy baking very much. Does that sounds too un-Islamic? =) I dream of opening a bakery hahahaa. A baker with MBBS degree insyaAllah =P
But Pizza Hut says something that sounds like nothing is tastier than having a split personality (if i am not wrong). I guess they are quite right after all.
People might agree or they might disagree with my way. And that leads to the question "For whom do you write this blog?" and which forces me to answer "I write for myself" haha. My message is simple- Islam is a guide of how should we live our lives. Each of us can do anything that we want as long as it abides by the shariah. Being a muslim doesn't spell the word OPPRESSION, but rather it symbolizes a true freedom within the boundary of worshipping Allah.
I am a muslimah who is striving to be a good one. Not to mention that each and every one of us should do the same. We make mistakes and we improvise.. that is the way I personally think should be- muhasabah and ishlah. Nothing wrong in sharing our ups and downs with others right?
And up to this moment, I still enjoy baking very much. Does that sounds too un-Islamic? =) I dream of opening a bakery hahahaa. A baker with MBBS degree insyaAllah =P
But Pizza Hut says something that sounds like nothing is tastier than having a split personality (if i am not wrong). I guess they are quite right after all.
Kucing-kucing ku
Ni name kucing-kucing yang pernah hidup with me semenjak kecik till now (not to mention that i was dead afraid of cats when i was small and allergic to cat bile dah besar hahaha)
1. Pakwe (Striped black & white, mcm cicak)
2. Makwe (patch black & white, isteri pakwe, who later died of stomach cancer which bursted)
3. Sumini shampoo (because her fur was so soft!)
4. Kuning (later died of demam)
5. Puss (later died of euthanasia. we cried for days!)
6. Selekiah (grey, macam my grandma's called Dab/ Dabun coz kaler sama mcm kaler debu)
7. Nigga (giler comel, patch black + orange + white + brown n ntah apa2 kaler lg. u can imagine like a colour palette was thrown on its body!)
8. Tot (patch black & white, till now!)
Aku yang sedang hiba
Poligami. Satu terma yang mengungkap kengerian bagi kebanyakan wanita. Begitu jua aku. Memori hampir 10 tahun lalu ketika abah menikahi isteri keduanya.. Biarpun waktu itu umurku masih mentah untuk mengerti makna yang tersirat disebaliknya, namun kerana usia muda itu jugalah aku salah mentafsirkannya. Itu satu rahmat dalam agama, satu rahmat untuk manusia, namun kenapa aku terlalu takutkannya? Takut untuk berkongsi? Kerana aku lebih rela bersendiri dari berkongsi barangkali
Sukarnya ingin memiliki dan menjadi milik seorang lelaki yang banyak kelebihannya.
Dulu aku ingin sekali menjadi permaisuri kepada jejaka yang tidak tampan wajahnya, agar tidak ada wanita lain yang mengimpi untuk menjadi surinya.
Dulu aku ingin sekali menjadi teman kepada jejaka yang tidak ramai sahabatnya,
supaya aku akan begitu dihargai dan dijadikan teman setia.
Dulu aku ingin sekali menjadi penjaga kepada jejaka yang tidak ada hartanya, agar tidak ada tarikan gadis lain kepadanya.
Dulu aku ingin sekali menjadi pendamping seorang jejaka yang kurang kebijaksanaanya, agar dia tidak menjadi buruan golongan intelek wanita.
Dulu aku ingin sekali menjadi rakyat kepada jejaka yang tidak berkilau sifat kepimpinannya, agar tidak ada wanita lain yang berkenan untuk menjadi rakyatnya.
Dulu aku ingin sekali dilindungi jejaka yang sering menghampirkan diri kepadaNya, agar aku turut dibawa sama dalam kembara menuju Pencipta.
Dulu aku ingin sekali menjadi penyejuk mata kepada jejaka yang tinggi semangat juangnya,
agar aku ditarik sama atas landasan juang itu.
Dan dulu aku ingin sekali menjadi satu-satunya isteri kepada suamiku, agar aku dapat mencurahkan segala ketaatan dan baktiku kepadanya dan menjadi isteri yang paling setia!
Mungkinkah aku layak untuk semua itu?
Sukarnya ingin memiliki dan menjadi milik seorang lelaki yang banyak kelebihannya.
Dulu aku ingin sekali menjadi permaisuri kepada jejaka yang tidak tampan wajahnya, agar tidak ada wanita lain yang mengimpi untuk menjadi surinya.
Dulu aku ingin sekali menjadi teman kepada jejaka yang tidak ramai sahabatnya,
supaya aku akan begitu dihargai dan dijadikan teman setia.
Dulu aku ingin sekali menjadi penjaga kepada jejaka yang tidak ada hartanya, agar tidak ada tarikan gadis lain kepadanya.
Dulu aku ingin sekali menjadi pendamping seorang jejaka yang kurang kebijaksanaanya, agar dia tidak menjadi buruan golongan intelek wanita.
Dulu aku ingin sekali menjadi rakyat kepada jejaka yang tidak berkilau sifat kepimpinannya, agar tidak ada wanita lain yang berkenan untuk menjadi rakyatnya.
Dulu aku ingin sekali dilindungi jejaka yang sering menghampirkan diri kepadaNya, agar aku turut dibawa sama dalam kembara menuju Pencipta.
Dulu aku ingin sekali menjadi penyejuk mata kepada jejaka yang tinggi semangat juangnya,
agar aku ditarik sama atas landasan juang itu.
Dan dulu aku ingin sekali menjadi satu-satunya isteri kepada suamiku, agar aku dapat mencurahkan segala ketaatan dan baktiku kepadanya dan menjadi isteri yang paling setia!
Mungkinkah aku layak untuk semua itu?
Saturday
Bercium pipi je?
Throughout this holiday, i worked as a teacher in my old school SMKS. A 5 minute walk from my house. Last week, there was a case in the teacher's room.. A form 1 girl was kissed by her boyfriend.
Macam ribut dalam bilik guru, cikgu tengking both the girl and the boy. If i were asked, I would say itu bukanlah cara yang berhikmah to handle the case.. tp i kept quiet. I was only a replacement teacher after all. I was pissed off by the girl too actually. She was dead rude. Bila cikgu tengking,
dia jawab juga dengan tengkingan, claiming all the time that she wasn't wrong, that her parents know her relationship with the boy etc. What actually shocked me was when she said
"Cium pipi je, bukan cium mulut"!!!! How naive.
Baru form 1. Cikgu boleh la buat mcm tu coz masih bergelar pelajar sekolah. How immoral! Dan kalau nak difikirkan, dalam IPT pun, ada jauh lebih banyak kejadian seumpama itu malah lebih teruk lagi, namun dibiarkan sahaja.. Cikgu adalah pendakwah dalam kawasan sekolah, yang berdakwah dengan kuasa. Maka apakah kita tidak mampu menjadi pendakwah dlm IPT hanya kerana tidak memiliki kuasa? Dan itu membuatkan kita takut? (same goes to me)
"Cikgu senang la cakap kat kitorng jangan bercium, sebab cikgu balik rumah ada laki, nak bercium 24 jam pun takpe. Tapi pernah ke cikgu pk kitorang ni. Nak disayangi dan menyayangi" Bunyinya sungguh kurang ajar. Tapi itu jua satu ungkapan yang minta dimengerti. Mereka perlukan nasihat yang penuh dengan kasih sayang dan pengertian. Mungkin sekarang I can understand because I am not married yet and I know how hard it is to preserve the muamalat (perhubungan) between men & women. Hakikatnya, kita sukar memahami ujian yang ditimpakan kepada orang lain sehinggalah kita sendiri merasainya..
Macam ribut dalam bilik guru, cikgu tengking both the girl and the boy. If i were asked, I would say itu bukanlah cara yang berhikmah to handle the case.. tp i kept quiet. I was only a replacement teacher after all. I was pissed off by the girl too actually. She was dead rude. Bila cikgu tengking,
dia jawab juga dengan tengkingan, claiming all the time that she wasn't wrong, that her parents know her relationship with the boy etc. What actually shocked me was when she said
"Cium pipi je, bukan cium mulut"!!!! How naive.
Baru form 1. Cikgu boleh la buat mcm tu coz masih bergelar pelajar sekolah. How immoral! Dan kalau nak difikirkan, dalam IPT pun, ada jauh lebih banyak kejadian seumpama itu malah lebih teruk lagi, namun dibiarkan sahaja.. Cikgu adalah pendakwah dalam kawasan sekolah, yang berdakwah dengan kuasa. Maka apakah kita tidak mampu menjadi pendakwah dlm IPT hanya kerana tidak memiliki kuasa? Dan itu membuatkan kita takut? (same goes to me)
"Cikgu senang la cakap kat kitorng jangan bercium, sebab cikgu balik rumah ada laki, nak bercium 24 jam pun takpe. Tapi pernah ke cikgu pk kitorang ni. Nak disayangi dan menyayangi" Bunyinya sungguh kurang ajar. Tapi itu jua satu ungkapan yang minta dimengerti. Mereka perlukan nasihat yang penuh dengan kasih sayang dan pengertian. Mungkin sekarang I can understand because I am not married yet and I know how hard it is to preserve the muamalat (perhubungan) between men & women. Hakikatnya, kita sukar memahami ujian yang ditimpakan kepada orang lain sehinggalah kita sendiri merasainya..
I am still at the junction..
Waktu kecik2, bila orang tanya dah besar nak jadi apa.. I would answer "housewife". Waktu kecik2 bila orang tanya my sister dah besar nak jadi apa.. she would answer "cikgu tadika"
My mum is a housewife. Abah memang tak pernah mengizinkan isterinya bekerja. Didik anak anak, itu harapan abah. Ummi memang dah menerima syarat itu, semenjak sebelum mereka bernikah. Dia memang meredhai kehendak abah, saat dia menerima lamaran abah 25 tahun dulu. Dan kami terbiasa dengan keadaan itu, terbiasa ummi akan sentiasa menanti di rumah,
setiap kali kami pulang dari sekolah. Terbiasa dia akan sentiasa mendengar ketika kami meluahkan. Terbiasa dia sentiasa menghulurkan tangan saat kami jatuh tersungkur. Terbiasa dia seringkali menghibur saat kami berduka. Terbiasa dengan kehadirannya setiap waktu.. Dan itu jugalah harapanku untuk anak anakku. Itu jugalah harapan my sisters for their children.
Tapi kadang2 aku tertanya sendirian, kenapa saat ini aku bergelar pelajar perubatan? Kelirukah dengan pilihan yang pernah kubuat dulu? Kecewakah dengan takdir untuk diriku? Dan kadang kadang aku tertanya, adikku yang suatu masa dahulu bercita-cita untuk menjadi guru tadika.. mengapa dia mengambil kursus bioteknologi kini? Dan kakak yang suatu masa dahulu bercita-cita untuk mewarisi pekerjaan Ummi, sudahpun mendakap segulung ijazah Degree.. menanti waktu untuk mula bekerja.
Ahh memang tidak seorang pun dari kami yang mewarisi ummi, yang menjejak semula langkahnya. Tidak harus kucuba menyembunyikan lagi.. kadangkala aku masih kecewa, meskipun minat terhadap perubatan menggunung tinggi. Antara impian untuk menjadi
seorang isteri yang sentiasa menanti kepulangan suaminya, serta ummi yang sentiasa memenuhi keperluan anak2nya, apa yang lebih menyentuh realiti adalah seorang doktor muslimah yang sibuk dengan kerjaya. Meskipun niatku segalanya bakal menjadi ibadah, niat mulus untukNya, meskipun rezqiku nanti memiliki seorang suami yang begitu memahami... masih kesalkah dengan ketentuan ini?
Dan aku masih terkasima di persimpangan ini..
My mum is a housewife. Abah memang tak pernah mengizinkan isterinya bekerja. Didik anak anak, itu harapan abah. Ummi memang dah menerima syarat itu, semenjak sebelum mereka bernikah. Dia memang meredhai kehendak abah, saat dia menerima lamaran abah 25 tahun dulu. Dan kami terbiasa dengan keadaan itu, terbiasa ummi akan sentiasa menanti di rumah,
setiap kali kami pulang dari sekolah. Terbiasa dia akan sentiasa mendengar ketika kami meluahkan. Terbiasa dia sentiasa menghulurkan tangan saat kami jatuh tersungkur. Terbiasa dia seringkali menghibur saat kami berduka. Terbiasa dengan kehadirannya setiap waktu.. Dan itu jugalah harapanku untuk anak anakku. Itu jugalah harapan my sisters for their children.
Tapi kadang2 aku tertanya sendirian, kenapa saat ini aku bergelar pelajar perubatan? Kelirukah dengan pilihan yang pernah kubuat dulu? Kecewakah dengan takdir untuk diriku? Dan kadang kadang aku tertanya, adikku yang suatu masa dahulu bercita-cita untuk menjadi guru tadika.. mengapa dia mengambil kursus bioteknologi kini? Dan kakak yang suatu masa dahulu bercita-cita untuk mewarisi pekerjaan Ummi, sudahpun mendakap segulung ijazah Degree.. menanti waktu untuk mula bekerja.
Ahh memang tidak seorang pun dari kami yang mewarisi ummi, yang menjejak semula langkahnya. Tidak harus kucuba menyembunyikan lagi.. kadangkala aku masih kecewa, meskipun minat terhadap perubatan menggunung tinggi. Antara impian untuk menjadi
seorang isteri yang sentiasa menanti kepulangan suaminya, serta ummi yang sentiasa memenuhi keperluan anak2nya, apa yang lebih menyentuh realiti adalah seorang doktor muslimah yang sibuk dengan kerjaya. Meskipun niatku segalanya bakal menjadi ibadah, niat mulus untukNya, meskipun rezqiku nanti memiliki seorang suami yang begitu memahami... masih kesalkah dengan ketentuan ini?
Dan aku masih terkasima di persimpangan ini..
Adaptation in the borderless world
We played a silly game in friendster. Me, my sisters, my uncle, my bro.
We give exaggerated testimonials to each other, not to mention that they
look more like essays rather than comments haha. Of course my bro
and my uncle feel this overwhelming praises as quite incomprehensible
but hey presto everything has been done!! Hati mulia, gigi comel, peluh
harum, masak dengan rempah kasih sayang etc.. haha
It looks real silly and funny, but to build ukhuwah and mahabbah
is not just by meeting often, or by saying that we love them.
Be creative and have fun! We do have fun and close to each other
in our own silly way =P Enjoy the borderless well and adapt!
We give exaggerated testimonials to each other, not to mention that they
look more like essays rather than comments haha. Of course my bro
and my uncle feel this overwhelming praises as quite incomprehensible
but hey presto everything has been done!! Hati mulia, gigi comel, peluh
harum, masak dengan rempah kasih sayang etc.. haha
It looks real silly and funny, but to build ukhuwah and mahabbah
is not just by meeting often, or by saying that we love them.
Be creative and have fun! We do have fun and close to each other
in our own silly way =P Enjoy the borderless well and adapt!
Baking Class
I attended baking class on 21st & 22nd June. At least I do have a fruitful weekend in my 2-months holiday! hehe. The classes were great. I learnt to make bun, doughnut, croissants & danish pastry. Chef Jun became my teacher & we had a great time together spent for baking. I do have a dream which I hope won't just be a dream in 5 years time.. I want to have my own bakery. And I met a sister who attended the same class. I told her my intention, that I want to open a bakery one day but I don't know how to start. She advised me to do it from home in the first stage. Ambil tempahan dari rumah je. She has been doing the same thing for almost 20 years, and only know she intends to open a cafe! What a great advise. And she even advised me the promotion techniques & tactics (^_^). Thanks kak!
Friday
Unexplainable curiosity
In 3 days time, I'm going back to the campus. In 1 week time, insyaAllah I'm going to frequent the hospital. It's not that I am ill, but i'll be embarking my clinical year journey. And seems like I can't stop wondering who will be my group members? because we'll be moving in small groups throughout the clinical years.
Sometimes, I really want to be with those I am used to be with. Friends who will keep reminding me of my obligation and responsibility as khalifatullah. Friends who will make sure that I behave as a true muslimah. Friends who will always advise me whenever i
commit any wrongdoings. Friends who will always ask me to toe the line and not to go astray... Friends with whom I can laugh over such small and silly things, and with whom I can share my most petty problem problem without any hesitation and without having fear that I will be laughed at. Friends with whom I will feel strong in my attempt to be a true muslimah
When I think back, I can always be with these friends and have a good happy time.
However if I want to accomplish my responsibility as a khalifah,
I can't stay in the comfort zone all the time. I have to go out of my own cosy nest and mingle with the public. Be with those who need me most. Be with those who hate me most.
Be with those who care for Islam the least. Not because I am a good muslimah, but if I can at least help them to realize how special they are to be a muslim/ muslimah, and how they can even be more special if only they truly observe Islam, then that would be more than adequate for me!
And yet i still feel hard to leave my cosy nest...
Sometimes, I really want to be with those I am used to be with. Friends who will keep reminding me of my obligation and responsibility as khalifatullah. Friends who will make sure that I behave as a true muslimah. Friends who will always advise me whenever i
commit any wrongdoings. Friends who will always ask me to toe the line and not to go astray... Friends with whom I can laugh over such small and silly things, and with whom I can share my most petty problem problem without any hesitation and without having fear that I will be laughed at. Friends with whom I will feel strong in my attempt to be a true muslimah
When I think back, I can always be with these friends and have a good happy time.
However if I want to accomplish my responsibility as a khalifah,
I can't stay in the comfort zone all the time. I have to go out of my own cosy nest and mingle with the public. Be with those who need me most. Be with those who hate me most.
Be with those who care for Islam the least. Not because I am a good muslimah, but if I can at least help them to realize how special they are to be a muslim/ muslimah, and how they can even be more special if only they truly observe Islam, then that would be more than adequate for me!
And yet i still feel hard to leave my cosy nest...
Moist Chocolate Cake
Hari ni ada farewell party for me.. sebab dah habis mengajar kat SMKS.
so i baked moist chocolate cake. Alhadulillah the cake turned out good =)
It was very chocolatey, i think eligible to to be placed in Chocolate Factory which was visited by Charlie! hehe.
My teachers (which are now my colleagues hehe) loved it, so
Alhamdulillah Praise be to Allah
Chicken pie
On 26th July 2008, I baked a chicken pie.
Before this, whenever I cook something, I have my 2 beloved brothers in my mind- Umar & Yasir. Or as I usually call them- my 2 beloved monsters.
Because they really resemble monsters in terms of eating. Banyak yang tak terkata.
Anyway I enjoyed cooking for them. But now Umar is in France, i can't cook for him anymore.
And i actually miss that!!
But now everytime i cook something, I have my beloved bro,
Yasir in my mind.
Sebab dia kuat makan.
So I baked chicken pie for him but mind you it was very buttery
& unhealthy as well!
mengasah bilahan tumpul itu..
Lama sudah aku bercuti. Bercuti dari gelanggang dakwah rasmi (wujudkah konsep ini) Justeru aku pantas memberikan alasan, bercuti dari gerak kerja je, tak pernah bercuti dari menjadi khalifatullah.. benarkah?..
6 bulan. Satu tempoh yang terlalu panjang bagi khalifatullah yang lemah seperti ku tidak mencaj bateri.
Bateri untuk berdakwah. Tempoh yang lama bagi insan lemah sepertiku untuk tidak mengahdiri usrah.
Dan tempoh yang tersangat lama bagi pekerja malas sepertiku untuk tidak diikat dengan
peraturan dan tanggungjawab.
14 dan 15 Jun 2008. Diarahkan menyertai program DRAW. Dakwah Generation Workshop 08.
Memang hati ini sangat teruja untuk hadir, sebab dah terlalu lama menyulam rindu utnuk bertemu sahabat2 seperjuangan. Aku kesana menaiki public transport, janji untuk bertemu AJK program di stesen LRT Cheras. Janjinya akan ada orang yang menjemputku dan membawa ke tempat program. Sesampai di sana, aku menelefon AJK, ternyata pengangkutan semuanya sedang digunakan.
Aku diarahkan mengambil teksi untuk ke tempat program. Pastinya enggan kerana ummi selalu sahaja menasihatkan supaya tidak menaiki teksi sendirian, bahaya. Masih ingat lagi jawapanku padanya, "Mana ada pemandu teksi perempuan". Kemudian aku disuruh pula berjalan kaki ke tempat program!! Katanya tidak jauhpun dari stesen itu. Bagai sukar untuk percaya, jauh lebih sukar untuk menahan air mata dari ditumpahkan. Saat itu niat di hati memang ingin membeli tiket LRT untuk pulang ke rumah, namun kucuba tenangkan diri. Rasa ingin memberontak..
Kemudian aku terfikir semula. Itu bukan kali pertama aku ke situ. Dua tahun lalu aku pernah menganjurkan program seumpama itu untuk adik2ku, adik2 yang ingin mengenal jalan dakwah. Dan ketika itu aku jua berjalan kaki dari stesen LRT ke tempat program, bersama dengan seorang teman yang sentiasa menjadikan aku tabah menghadapi cabaran dan mehah dalam medan dakwah, teman yang selalu memasak dan memahat utuh kakiku agar terus tega menapak dan melangkah di jalan dakwah. Ah sungguh aku rindu saat itu, sungguh aku rindu pada sahabatku itu. Lalu aku teruskan melangkah..
Ah bagaimana bisa ku lupa pada latihan keras yang pernah ku lalui dulu, bagaimana ku terus alpa dengan kesenangan hidup di dunia, sehinggakan cabaran sekecil itu berjaya menjadikan aku tertunduk lesu dan terkulai layu mengalah. Ahh..
Jika ada singa yang kehilangan taringnya... itulah aku
Jika ada enjin yang kehabisan petrolnya... itulah aku
Jika ada burung yang patah sayapnya... itulah aku
Jika ada tumbuhan yang layu dan kontang dalam kemarau.. itulah aku
Jika ada kereta yang habis baterinya.. itulah aku
Dan jika ada khalifatullah yang telah hilang daya... itulah jua diriku..
Akhirnya dengan izinNya, aku beraya jua mengikuti program itu. Dan yang paling bermakna bagiku adalah slot muhasabah bersama ustaz ridha (seniorku) http://ridhauddin.com yang membuatkan aku terkasima betapa akulah bilah pedang tajam agama yang telah tumpul dan berkarat.. kerana aku berasa mampu untuk bercuti selama 6 bulan namu hakikatnya aku tidak sekuat itu untuk berjauhan dari sahabat2 seperjuanganku.. namun itu tidak bererti batu pengasahnya turut hilang!
aku akan berusaha untuk mengasah dan mengilatkan pedang itu kembali!
6 bulan. Satu tempoh yang terlalu panjang bagi khalifatullah yang lemah seperti ku tidak mencaj bateri.
Bateri untuk berdakwah. Tempoh yang lama bagi insan lemah sepertiku untuk tidak mengahdiri usrah.
Dan tempoh yang tersangat lama bagi pekerja malas sepertiku untuk tidak diikat dengan
peraturan dan tanggungjawab.
14 dan 15 Jun 2008. Diarahkan menyertai program DRAW. Dakwah Generation Workshop 08.
Memang hati ini sangat teruja untuk hadir, sebab dah terlalu lama menyulam rindu utnuk bertemu sahabat2 seperjuangan. Aku kesana menaiki public transport, janji untuk bertemu AJK program di stesen LRT Cheras. Janjinya akan ada orang yang menjemputku dan membawa ke tempat program. Sesampai di sana, aku menelefon AJK, ternyata pengangkutan semuanya sedang digunakan.
Aku diarahkan mengambil teksi untuk ke tempat program. Pastinya enggan kerana ummi selalu sahaja menasihatkan supaya tidak menaiki teksi sendirian, bahaya. Masih ingat lagi jawapanku padanya, "Mana ada pemandu teksi perempuan". Kemudian aku disuruh pula berjalan kaki ke tempat program!! Katanya tidak jauhpun dari stesen itu. Bagai sukar untuk percaya, jauh lebih sukar untuk menahan air mata dari ditumpahkan. Saat itu niat di hati memang ingin membeli tiket LRT untuk pulang ke rumah, namun kucuba tenangkan diri. Rasa ingin memberontak..
Kemudian aku terfikir semula. Itu bukan kali pertama aku ke situ. Dua tahun lalu aku pernah menganjurkan program seumpama itu untuk adik2ku, adik2 yang ingin mengenal jalan dakwah. Dan ketika itu aku jua berjalan kaki dari stesen LRT ke tempat program, bersama dengan seorang teman yang sentiasa menjadikan aku tabah menghadapi cabaran dan mehah dalam medan dakwah, teman yang selalu memasak dan memahat utuh kakiku agar terus tega menapak dan melangkah di jalan dakwah. Ah sungguh aku rindu saat itu, sungguh aku rindu pada sahabatku itu. Lalu aku teruskan melangkah..
Ah bagaimana bisa ku lupa pada latihan keras yang pernah ku lalui dulu, bagaimana ku terus alpa dengan kesenangan hidup di dunia, sehinggakan cabaran sekecil itu berjaya menjadikan aku tertunduk lesu dan terkulai layu mengalah. Ahh..
Jika ada singa yang kehilangan taringnya... itulah aku
Jika ada enjin yang kehabisan petrolnya... itulah aku
Jika ada burung yang patah sayapnya... itulah aku
Jika ada tumbuhan yang layu dan kontang dalam kemarau.. itulah aku
Jika ada kereta yang habis baterinya.. itulah aku
Dan jika ada khalifatullah yang telah hilang daya... itulah jua diriku..
Akhirnya dengan izinNya, aku beraya jua mengikuti program itu. Dan yang paling bermakna bagiku adalah slot muhasabah bersama ustaz ridha (seniorku) http://ridhauddin.com yang membuatkan aku terkasima betapa akulah bilah pedang tajam agama yang telah tumpul dan berkarat.. kerana aku berasa mampu untuk bercuti selama 6 bulan namu hakikatnya aku tidak sekuat itu untuk berjauhan dari sahabat2 seperjuanganku.. namun itu tidak bererti batu pengasahnya turut hilang!
aku akan berusaha untuk mengasah dan mengilatkan pedang itu kembali!
Tewas untuk kesekian kalinya
23:08 5 May 2008.
Hari ini, untuk kali yang entah keberapa dalam hidup ini, aku menangis lagi.. Menangis rindu. Rindu yang tak terucap dan terungkap.. Menangis sendu. Sendu dgn perpisahan yang bakal dilalui.. Menangis kerisauan. Risau untuk sesuatu yang tidak pasti..
Hari ni semua ada dirumah..kecuali Umar. memang jarang nak dapat peluang cukup semua ada di rumah. Umar kat Intek.. tak lah jauh dari rumah. Malam semalam baru hantar dia balik hostel, hantar dgn ummi. Tapi hari ni mula rasa kekosongan, rasa rumah sepi bila Umar takde. Mungkin i am not used to any of us akan pergi tinggalkan rumah jauh.. especially my bros yang memang lah tak pernah g boarding school..
Really I can't imagine how will I handle perpisahan dengan dia nanti.. itupun relatively sekejap.. 7 tahun, bukannya pergi untuk selama-lamanya. and i know the exact date he will depart for France..
Really I can't imagine how will I handle perpisahan dengan anybody I love untuk selama-lamanya?... and i don't even know the exat departure date.. so how can i be prepared?...
Weekend ni Umar start pergi solat jamaah di masjid near to our house.. I don't know how grateful i feel.. and ummi bekalkan dia dgn banyak buku agama untuk dia baca dekat Intek.. ummi kata nak pergi negara orang putih, jangan lupa diri.. Ummi is so strong. I have never seen her crying, sedangkan i have shed tears untuk kali yg entah keberapa.. I told him to cari usrah kat sana, jangan tunggu orang ajak. Dia kata dia tahulah nanti. Maybe dia rasa I am being extra sissy, but i don't really mind what he thinks. I feel so worried, kalau kat rumah, I have to wake him up every morning for Subh. Nasib baik our bedroom doors face each other. Nanti kat sana can he wake up early for Subh? And hari tu dia kata nak belajar masak. Kat rumah tak masak, rasa kesian nanti dia kena masak sendiri..
Mampu ke Umar stay as a true muslim di negara orang nanti? Maybe he doesn't have any idea how worried I feel for him. How much I am going to miss him. How painful the separation will be. And how helpless I feel, that I can only pray for him, pray that Allah will always be with him. And he will develop and bloom as a true mujahid, And finally I can humbly assure myself that i have done my best as a sister..
Umar, ingatlah ini perjuanganmu, dan setiap perjuangan para mujahid itu impiannya cuma satu- Allah Almighty. Murnikan niatmu, perkasakan langkahmu. Biar Ummi Abah bangga melihatmu waja mendokong agama, biar Islam gemilang dengan usahamu mengangkatnya, biar musuh terpana menyaksikan semangatmu membara dan biar dirimu puas tatkala bertemu Kekasihmu nanti. Umar, terukan dengan perjuanganmu, dan kami akan mengutip sisa kekuatan meneruskan perjuangan di sini, sehingga satu hari nanti kita bertemu dan masing-masing mampu tersenyum ketundukan dalam keindahan pengabdian kpdNya.. We LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!
Hari ini
Today is 27th June 2008. Today I create a new blog. I don't even remember how many blogs I have created before this.. Hopefully I will stick to this one forever =)
I wonder why did I change my blog quite frequently? Probably because I couldn't find a synchronisation between my true self (a cheeky & playful person), my lenient & relax writing style (terlalu selambe??), my own expectation of how i should appear in the public (polite, mysterious, and a garang girl) and the public's expectation towards me (as a serious person). What ususally happened was I wrote something in my blog, then someone
would comment that I was being too open, the next thing I knew was I deleted the blog!
1 thing that I really love is medicine. Then comes bakery. So you'll see that these 2 things will frequently come up in my writing. But then I am also a khalifatullah (vicegerent of Allah) & so are you!! yes you, i'm talking to you, jangan nak mengelat lagi. But people expect me to talk about serious issues regarding Islam all the time. I'm not saying that I shouldn't talk about that, but of course I am just the girl next door, with a pure intention to contribute to Islam in my own small ways and work towards improving myself -sigh- i'm not that capable after all but hey at least i have tried and I am still trying.. so should you, right? Then, what else left to be thought of? walk with me buddy =)
I wonder why did I change my blog quite frequently? Probably because I couldn't find a synchronisation between my true self (a cheeky & playful person), my lenient & relax writing style (terlalu selambe??), my own expectation of how i should appear in the public (polite, mysterious, and a garang girl) and the public's expectation towards me (as a serious person). What ususally happened was I wrote something in my blog, then someone
would comment that I was being too open, the next thing I knew was I deleted the blog!
1 thing that I really love is medicine. Then comes bakery. So you'll see that these 2 things will frequently come up in my writing. But then I am also a khalifatullah (vicegerent of Allah) & so are you!! yes you, i'm talking to you, jangan nak mengelat lagi. But people expect me to talk about serious issues regarding Islam all the time. I'm not saying that I shouldn't talk about that, but of course I am just the girl next door, with a pure intention to contribute to Islam in my own small ways and work towards improving myself -sigh- i'm not that capable after all but hey at least i have tried and I am still trying.. so should you, right? Then, what else left to be thought of? walk with me buddy =)
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