Probably the Diabetes CPG was made and meant not to be read as a whole (by medical student huu) because after trying very vigorously, it seems like I still can get nowhere with it. Or is it just me??? Hmmm
6 more days to go.. and I'm praying hard for something wonderful to happen huhu. An approved application? Quite close..
I received a wonderful news yesterday. Somebody is getting married? aha!!! :D Selamat Pengantin Baru!
It's the second day of Ramadhan. And I have just received a warning from Abang hahaha. Just to practice Qishas, I presented him with a warning as well. Takut tak? Mesti abang cuak nih hehe. Nak drill your memorization, Abang!! :p
And I can't wait to go to the clinic. Isn't that superbly weird?? I think so huuuu...
By the way, membeli belahlah di gerai SRC/ MRC dekat CF Bro k! Ada jual kurma :)
Sebentar sahaja lagi tarawih pertama akan diadakan. Niat di hati ingin menyertai tarawih di Masjid UIAM di KOM (Kuliyyah of Medicine). Sempatkah aku? Bunyi guruh sedari tadi mengacah2 perasaan. Mungkin terpaksa bertarawih di mahallah sahaja seandainya hujan turun.
Ramadhan meninggalkan banyak kenangan yang mengundang syahdu. Aku masih ingat, suatu waktu dahulu, aku dan asma berjaga pada malam ganjil dalam sepuluh malam terakhir. Bukan calang2 berjaga, malah berjaga sehingga ke waktu subuh. Pastinya misi mencari lailatul Qadr. Dengan masing2 ditemani sehelai kertas, tertulis atasnya senarai doa yg ingin kami pinta apabila bertemu lailatul Qadr. Tingkap bilik kami buka.. kerana ingin melihat pokok yang turun bersujud. Dan segelas air kami letakkan diatas meja, agar dapat kami sedari kehadiran Lailatul Qadr apabila air tersebut membeku. Apabila dikenang semua itu, pasti aku tergelak sendiri. Naif sungguh kami di waktu itu. Dan cetek pula ilmu tentang malam istimewa. Malam seribu bulan, bukan bermakna air akan membeku, bukan pula pokok akan bersujud semuanya, bukan langit menjadi cerah.. yang penting beramal, dan ganjarannya pasti tersedia!
Masih juga kuingat Ramadhan kami di rumah lama.. banjir teruk diwaktu itu. Aku yg tidur ditingkat atas pastinya enggan bersahur kerana tidak mahu meredah air banjir ditingkat bawah.. Dan setiap pagi, Ummi lah yang akan meletakkan nasi dan lauk didalam pinggan dan memberikan kepadaku yang duduk menanti di tangga.. Sungguh aku benar2 sepatutnya malu dengan Ummi! Dan kami berbuka puasa dalam keadaan rumah yang berlecah.
Suatu waktu dahulu, Ramadhan kutemui sewaktu menduduki SPM. Dan Ummi sangat risau aku berpuasa ketika menjawab peperiksaan. Sungguh Allah itu mengetahui hati bimbang seorang Ummi. Aku ditaqdirkan cuti berpuasa sehingga tamat peperiksaan. Dan setiap hari, Ummi pastinya akan bawa aku pulang kerumah untuk makan tengahari walaupun aku berkeras untuk menumpang solat zohor dirumah kawan berhampiran sekolah. Tersenyum aku mengenangkan semua itu.
Teringat juga suatu Ramadhan 3 tahun lalu.. ketika aku sangat buntu untuk membuat pilihan tatkala menerima lamaran seseorang.. sedangkan hati terpaut pada seorang akh lain dan aku tidak tahu apakah dia dapat menerimaku.. Masih kuingat tarikh itu 25 ramadhan ketika aku benar2 menangis dan berharap, dlm kegelapan aku mengemis simpati dariNya agar ditunjukkan jalan keluar.. sehinggalah seminggu kemudian aku mendapat SMS dari dia yang sangat kupuja, yang langsung melamar terus kepada ummi dan abah.. sungguh Allah selalu tidak mengabaikan hambanya.. sehingga kini Allah menghadiahkan dia kepadaku, menjadi suami yang sangat setia.. ahh pastilah aku insan yang paling bahagia. ALHAMDULILLAH untuk pemberian ini.
Masih kuingat ramadhan aku di Kuantan, sungguh aku sangat suka beriktikaf pada sepuluh malam terakhir di Masjid Negeri Kuantan. Memang pada dasarnya kami tidak dibenarkan untuk bermalam disitu, tetapi setelah kupujuk rayu kepada pak guard, dia mengizinkan juga tdengan syarat lampu besar tidak boleh dinyalakan.. dan kami dikunci dalam masjid. sungguh syahdu apabila bersendirian (meskipun ada beberapa akhawat lain) didalam rumah Allah yang sangat luas, begitu terasa kekerdilan seorang hamba. Pada tahun pertama, aku kesitu dengan menaiki kereta Pak Teh (prebet sapu). Pada tahun kedua, aku sudah memiliki kereta sendiri hadiah dari abah- Fiat Brava yang aku panggil Shika. Pada tahun ketiga, aku kesana menaiki Naza Suria juga pemberian abah yang aku panggil Shika Jr. Pada tahun keempat? Terpulang pada abang..
Teringat juga Ramadhan yang baru sahaja berlalu pergi, ketika posting pertama aku dlm tahun klinikal- mana mungkin aku lupa ketika aku berpuasa di Temerloh, sungguh memori yang sangat bermakna apabila kami selalu berbuka puasa di dalam bas untuk pulang ke Kuantan. Dan kami bertarawih di rumah, masak untuk berbuka.. terasa bagai baru sahaja ramadhan itu berlalu.. dan kini aku bakal bertemu ramadhan lagi..
Bagaimana pula dengan ramadhan kali ini? Ah tentulah ramadhan ini bakal menjadi ramadhan paling bermakna insyaAllah :) kerana ramadhan kali ini aku tidak bersendiri lagi, ramadhan kali ini aku berdua. Kalau dahulu setiap kali tibanya ramadhan dan setiap kali tibanya syawal, pasti aku tertunggu2 SMS dari tunangku, mesej formal yang mengucapkan Selamat Berpuasa dan Selamat Hari Raya. Tapi kini aku tidak sabar menunggu ucapan mesra dari kekasih yang sangat aku cintai, untuk mengucapkan selamat berpuasa!
Sayang, InsyaAllah lagi sejam bermula Ramadhan. Kesyahduan Ramadhan sudah sangat3 terasa.. Moga kita sama-sama memasuki Ramadhan dengan hati yang insaf, dan keluar darinya dengan diri yang jauh lebih bertaqwa.. Rapatkan dirimu dengan kalamNya, wahai HAAFIDZUL QURAN. Sungguh aku sangat bertuah dapat dicintai oleh hamba yang hatinya sangat mencintai Pencipta!
Ingatan mesra dari Zaujah Sayang
Pastinya aku akan menunggu ramadhan seterus2nya.. ketika kami tidak lagi berdua tapi ditemani buah hati, dari benih cinta tautan kasih antara aku dan abang. Ah tidak sabar untuk ku tunggu waktu itu
P/s aku suka panggil Sayang dengan gelaran Hafidzul Quran walaupun Sayang acapkali berendah diri menegaskan banyak hafazan yang dia tak mampu pegang.. Itu satu doa untukmu, Sayang. Agar kau lebih bersemangat untuk hafaz kembali bahagian dari Quran yang terlepas dari genggamanmu
Letto – Sejenak (untuk mengahrgai Ramadhan..)
sebelum waktumu terasa terburu
sebelum lelahmu menutup mata
adakah langkahmu terisi ambisi
apakah kalbumu terasa sunyi
luangkanlah sejenak detik dalam hidupmu
berikanlah rindumu pada denting waktu
luangkanlah sejenak detik dalam sibukmu
dan lihatlah warna kemesraan dan cinta
sebelum hidupmu terhalang nafasmu
sesudah nafsumu tak terbelenggu
indahnya membisu tandai yang berlalu
bahasa tubuhmu mengartikan rindu
luangkanlah sejenak detik dalam hidupmu
berikanlah rindumu pada denting waktu
luangkanlah sejenak detik dalam sibukmu
dan lihatlah warna kemesraan dan cinta
yang tlah semu.. yang telah semu
Ramadhan Ramadhan do come my way and bring along with you sakeenah and rahmah. At least let me experience the peaceful feeling that have long gone. Looking forward celebrating Ramadhan with abang.. And expand a bit (if possible) iman sebesar cawan.
Can I have the honour of complaining here again and again? Because my personal kaunter aduan is so faraway in Jordan huu, busy with his final exam. I am actually stuck with the case write-up, not having the slightest idea on how should I move forward -sigh- thus the redirection towards this virtual dumpster huhu. It's totally depressing when a patient doesn't even care of his own condition, and yet the doctors have to be the mommy, practically warning them to take medication n such. Haha now I know what did Ummi feels when I very frequently refused to take medication huhu. Speaking about compliance, I think I'm the worst patient ~sigh again~
A Family Medicine case write up is definitely much tougher than the clinical ones e.g surgery, IM. The main reason is because we have to explore in depth regarding social and psychological history, or in simpler words, a patient-centred approach rather than disease-centered approach. Of course when I have been trained for 1 solid year with disease-centred approach, currently in FM, the issue of empathy, digging and continue digging on abuse, issue of compliance and such seems like a very big, hard-to-handle deal. When a patient comes with persistent hypertension, you should suspect stress-related condition e.g family problem rather than...the patient doesn't even care about his/her BP thus the dumping of his/her antihypertensive tablets into the dustbin. When one see a purpura on the skin of a patient, one should suspect abuse rather than a fall or a senile purpura. When one sees a pregnant lady with poor spacing, one should suspect some degree of depression in the mother, blaming her husband for being so incosiderate and such. Sometimes thing doesn't reflect the real scenario. I really want to have my own baby but Abang is extremely worried because he won't be around to lend his helping hands. If I get pregnant, should he be blamed? I'm placing him in a tight situation and yet the society is being judgmental. The Doctors will be judgmental (Hehe abang jgn mare k :p) That was just a real time example. Ahh as a doctor, I have to learn to be a nosy person.
The problem with staying up late at night is one can't stop consuming some calories. I continue on from Pisang goreng to keropok lekor to Cocopie to Munchy oat cookies to biskut beras ahh it's and endless grievous list. The only thing that is retarded is the progression of my case write up. Ahh and thinking of my video recording tomorrow (we have to record a video while clerking a patient and show the video in the class during video session)..
I should b going back to my case report huuuu. Doing the countdown. Looking forward Abang's arrival :) Missing Abang like mad huu
I shouldn't feel too happy in view of my unfinished case write-up. And yet I'm thinking of starting the second one huu because I'm pretty sure I won't have time to do it when Athiq is around ~sigh~ a not so hectic life of Family Medicine nowadays but yet tiring.. I wonder why. How I hope Athiq will appear this instant right in front of me huu~ Another 9 days that of course are perceived as 9 years before his arrival, really I can't wait for that moment! May Allah be with us along the way..
Family Medicine isn't that bad. Especially when I have started to feel at ease roaming the KK Beserah compound plus lazing around and socializing with my group mates in the discussion room (uprolling my eyeballs. Huh, such a blissful life) Well, the scandal was there, yet I feel indifferent. I guess people can spit on my face and I can remain feeling indifferent huu. A very schizophrenic trait which I'm having- living in my own world haha (with my family of course).
Lately I enjoy the clinic posting so much. Especially when Dr Aznan takes the class. Why? Empowering. Because I feel that he gives us chances to handle patients, of course under his supervision. And I am currently feeling very excited to manipulate the Ultrasound machine hahaha (Ah-Long Dude, we definitely have an important mission before the posting ends!! :P)
And today Ah-Long Dude and me spent quality time in the Emergency Room, doing wound dressing (incompetently of course) and venepuncture. Of course my patient, a nenek who had diabetic foot 'berleter' throughout the procedure because she was not really confident in me hahaha, I just pretended that I was deaf. In this kind of thing where skill is needed, you won't get the skill if you don't practise. And in the process of acquiring the skill, of course many will complain. It is as if they are made to be 'guinea pig'. It's quite true in a sense. As if I have other options... (sigh again).
I am still brooding over the Ulu Tembeling riverine trip, especially when Abang will be in Kedah for 1 week while I face the river with fear, and phobia and anxiety huu that is so unfair :(. I am hoping for the impossible- for him to join the trip. What a pathetic childish wish.
Anyway, Good Luck Abang in your final exam :) Do your best! Happy Fasting everybody
1. First, I don't have the wealth to hire a professional photographer
2. It wasn't me (who took the photograph) or else it would be worse
3. My sis took the photos in half an hour, and she had to cover racks and racks of jubah, she was so tired and I think she got a hypoglycaemic attack thus the tremor huhu
4. I was rushing to go back home from my stepmum's house because I had a virtual YM date with A'thiq so I urged Asma' to just take whatever pic that she could and get done with it.
Haven't uploaded many more, so keep checking it out k (the blog) :)
Yes? Oh yes, I'm in such a fragile mood. After the old folk home visit? Nope. Missing abang? Of course. Worried about something? Sure. Depressed? Of course not. Going home? InsyaAllah tomorrow! :p
Well, I mentioned once that I was eagerly waiting for something. I guess it won't be a secret anymore huu. It's abang's homecoming in 2 weeks time insyaAllah :)
I dedicate this song to abang (have been listening to it for quite some time but TODAY, it gives me a new meaning...). And today it moves me to tears.. the emotional me? Oh it's just me missing abang every now and then
Abang, everything about that song is true, except for the 'Kau datang dan pergi oh begitu saja' because I know pemergian abang adalah satu perjuangan yang kita saling merelakan, kepulangan abang adalah saat yg sangat3 dinantikan, dan antara dua itu, kita saling merindu..
I cracked jokes and laughed when I sent you back to Jordan for the first time after our marriage..
Would I be able to laugh for the second time?
I prevented myself from crying when you kissed me goodbye
Would I be able to do that again?
I keep teasing you now when I see you cry while webcaming or during phone calls
I wonder can I stay that calm after this?
I have (after trying very hard) adjusted and adapted to your absence
Would I be able to adjust following another separation?
And for all those reasons.. I'm worried of your homecoming because it will surely lead to the second separation. And yet I miss you unnegotiably, abang! Abang, be patient for another 1 1/2 year ok :) Surely you can do it!
A Family Medicine trip to an old folk charity institution today taught me a lot regarding old folks, or more specific: abandoned old folks. We started our journey to Al Muktafi Billah Shah (AMBS) town (That was the first time I listened to such~~~ name. Never knew before that the town existed huhuuu) at 7.20am, arrived there at around 9.30am, after having our breakfast at the nearby stall. We were given a briefing about the place before we went to the wards. There were 4 wards in total. And my experience upon entering the first ward? My feeling? Everyhting was so pitiful. I was wondering how could the family just abandon them?... Memang sedih bila masuk ward ni...
A stall located few hundred metres from KK Balok :p Enjoying the ABC and keropok lekor huh?? Hehe
KK Beserah isn't that bad by the way in view of the fact that we mingled with urine(S) for the whole half day today, practically helping the lab stuff doing UFEME, dipstix test n such. And I for the first time poked the vein of Ah-Long Dude!! Haha, while she poked mine as well, and feeling at home and soo at ease utilizing the FBC machine, analyzing our own blood sample. Hahaha what can be more exciting?
By the way the negative feeling due to my extremely lousy seminar presentation yesterday persists. An undelicious aftertaste that lingers yuckk. Well as usual its the failure of preparation issue. It was on Erectile Dysfunction (yup it was obscene, and I enjoyed it to the most!!). I guess that was the main reason I kept procrastinating in preparing the slides until the day of the presentation. The stuff was a bit unfavourable huhu. The nauseous experience which forced me to adopt a sitting sleeping position wasn't supporting me at all. Never mind, at least i'm done with the seminar, Alhamdulillah :)
Well, the fact that one of my lecturer has a 'fixed false belief or make-belief' that I'm pregnant, is getting on my nerve nowadays huu. And I had to make a sheepish remark in the lecture hall that I'm not a pregnant lady huu. And I'm not susceptible to serious H1N1 illness insyaAllah. Why me? Why not Wani? Why???? Although at times (or more truthful, 'most of the time') I am hoping that it is true huu and I can't counter the depression of getting repeated negative UPT result.. The Dr kept saying that whenever a woman come to you with depression, the diagnosis is Pregnancy haha. That's absurd! Well, what's the point of getting married if you don't want to become a parent, isn't it? -Sigh- Another little talk with another lecturer today, pertaining to the issue of parenting kind of lit up my hope a bit.. just a bit.. because he asked me regarding my plan to have a baby and made it sound like "What's the problem of having a baby? No problemo" And for that little hope which I am trying to cling on to.. ahh it produces chest tightness which is unbearable.. maybe I should just forget about the issue.
Ahh I'm eagerly waiting for something to happen.......... :) Definitely not the Ulu Tembeling Riverine Trip!!!!! Can I escape that trip? huuu
I am stealing this opportunity to write something, because I know 1 or 2 people are anxiously waiting for some kind of evolution/ new stock to appear on this page huu. It's now 10:46am, WEDNESDAY. Hey it's the office hour of a working day! and here I am blogging. Today is my 3rd day of Family Medicine posting, obviously I should be in KK Beserah (where I am posted for 5 weeks).
For the past few days, since the last time I put up the last post, I've been dying to jot down some titbits. For example, how was the Nasyeed Concert? Oh it was great, I spent the night in bed with high temperature (I didn't attend it actually because I had fever, so 4 tickects down the bin. I guess it was A'thiq's doa hehe as he was very reluctant to let me go for some reason which I am going to tell immediately after this haha)
His reason was "Memanglah itu konsert nasyid, tp still CONCERT. Abang risau nanti ada percampuran lelaki perempuan. Abang risau, kalaulah ayang pergi tempat camtu, and ditaqdirkan meninggal kat situ.. macam meninggal dunia dlm keadaan tak mulia (kemaksiatan??)" Huu abang...!!!! Abang, your wish was granted by Allah the Almighty! :)
And almost the whole family was down with ILI (Influenza Like Illness) during the weekend. Please be patient everybody, especially Ummi and Abah who had very high temperature. I have just recently recovered from tonsillitis and ILI, but became infected by the virus again arghhh. This time around cough was more prominent. I think I disturbed the whole class with my cough (huuuuu).
However after I arrived in UIA from home last Sunday, new symptoms started to show up. I woke up during the night with extreme nausea and throw up till almost Subuh. Plus diarrhea. Its neither anorexia nervosa nor bullimia because I'm still feeling serene for maintaining my pre-marriage body weight. Having initially thought it was due to the feverish body, I assumed I needed to report to the clinic the next day, but then the the fever subsided except for few fluctuating temperatures. But the puking occasion continued. Well, my roomates who were awaken up during the extremely early morning by the unmusical sound of vomiting started to wonder I guess whether I am pregnant. Truthfully I start to wonder myself (plus the worry) whether I am really... you know haha. Especially when I started to feel nausea during clinic hours.
Oh common medical student, don't be ridiculous haha. I am finally relieved when I realized that I have not been taking Cimetidine for a long time. No wonder of the nausea, vomiting, diarrhea and abdominal pain. I thought the gastritis has long resolved. A visit to UIAM clinic today presented me with a prescription of Losec (Omeprazole) Haha I guess that would be my slimming pill for the time being. Plus MC (Medical Certificate).
Truthfully the Dr was quite surprise when I told her my chief complaint was 'sakit perut'.
Dr: Maryam, awak datang bukan sebab batuk, selesema, demam ke???? (Haha I guess nowadays everybody come with the chief complain of cough, flu and fever)
Dr: Awak takde symptom tu ke?
Me: Ada. Dah lama. Tp itu tak penting, Dr.
Dr: Tak penting???? Habis apa yg penting??
Me: Sakit perut ni yg penting (I even carried the plastic bag from K.Ana's cafe, because I felt like throwing up all the time huuu)
Then I was given a lecture that should I have the symptoms of ILI, I should go to the clinic and take a week break. I was persuaded to take a 1 week break, JUST BECAUSE I HAVE COUGH!! Huu demam pun dah takde.. Of course I won't feel happy when I think of my 1 week MC while my colleagues (especially Ah-Long Dude) are vigorusly filling up their logbooks at the clinic!!!
Me: Dr, susahlah kalau cuti seminggu. Saya banyak lecture, nak penuhkan logbook lagi etc..
Dr: Sebabtula tak baik2 awak ni, because you refuse to take a rest. Just take a week break, don't think of classes. Ini arahan Dean, Prof Fauzi ni..
I was even told to do a Chest X Ray should the cough continue for 1 month. Now I am suspected of having TB??? Huuu definitely no TB workout for me!! I meet people with URTI symptoms everyday- in the class, at the toilet, in my own hostel room, in my own house, in the clinic, in the cafe.. basically everywhere! No wonder of the prolonged and relapsing cough and flu huu.
And finally the nurse asked for my confirmation for so many times, "Maryam betul ke MC awak ni satu hari je? Skrg kita tgh OFFER ni.." Huh? Is there such thing?- Offer of MC! And now I feel happy with only 1 day MC :p Such over-propagated pandemic of H1N1~ H1N1 is realbut don't be too everwhelmed k :)