Pondering..

Lately i have been thinking, what do i really want in life? What can really make me feel happy and satisfied? Probably because i have finished my housemanship makes me think that i have more options to choose from although i still have 2 more years to go for my compulsory service and 8 more years to complete my jpa bond huu.  It seems being a doctor is not that enjoying anymore.. Or being a gov doctor is not that enjoying. Or im just sitting in a wrong place. Workload is not the issue because obviously workload currently is not overwhelming at all. Im tired of doing the same plain thing everyday. And i want freedom of time. I want to plan my own schedule and be good at it.

Ive been doing locum work quite a lot and that is quite satisfying.. Because patient say thank you and come back to you just to tell u they are better and to appreciate whatever that you have done for them. They smile. U feel that u really want to help.

Whereas working in the hosp, i dont know a big number of my patients (mostly because im working in a male dengue ward and most of them are foreigners- bangladeshi, nepalese, vietnamese and what not; whom im not even interested in communicating due to langguage barrier and other personal reasons), they are not appreciative, they are misusing gov facilities and they expect to get 5 star treatment when the number of patients are like infinity. They come, we treat and they go back well. As lame as that :( Doctors are human too..

Most of the time you r expected to become superwoman who are available anytime to report duty. I am rebellious. I have a kid and i have a husband.  Sometimes i just bring my kid to work and during oncall. I ask abang to stay with me in the ward whenever im oncall. People talk behind my back but who cares huu. Specialist sometimes gave their sharp words, hut i turn 2 deaf ears.. Sometimes i get colleagues who like to nag, who cares either huhu

I think what i get during my working years are.. I develop into someone inhumane and mean and selfish... and i damn hate that...