It has been that long huh? A week without any blogging activity. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't trying any weird recipe of soups out of my Ortho notes, and yup no food poisoning either. (Well I only hope to be ortho-wiser, that's all ~sigh~) Today is Saturday and tomorrow will be the last day without exam!!!! And the exam syndrome has just started which consists of
1. Asking abang repeatedly what if I fail my exam, and I have to do remedial posting and I won't be going to Jordan for elective. Abang kata if dah berusaha, tapi still tak dpt buat elective, itulah yg terbaik dari Allah :)
2. Revision week intolerancy which practically results in me going out everyday. (and I tried hard to search for the purposes as well) Keluar untuk cari baju abang, esok keluar utk cari pewangi yg abang nak, lepastu keluar untuk cari adaptor and extension wire yang abang nak, lepastu g collect parcel dari abang... I'm definitely good at finding alasan haha
3. Feel sorry for myself for not being able to join the family trip to Sarawak this weekend, and start wondering all over again, what am I doing all alone in Kuantan??? And what is it with the ambition to be a doctor?? Confused huu
4. It is always during the revision week when I'll be flooded with ideas (probably because of the excessive time of doing nothing), and this time around I start selling cakes! Yup cakes. I guess it started when I was so excited with my new oven and I couldn't resist the temptation to try it out (though the ortho notes were screaming for some attention), and I baked cake everyday, thus the idea of selling cake haha. So yes moist chocolate cake with rich chocolate topping :) Planning to expand the menu as well, but probably after the holiday insyaAllah
5. Most importantly, examination makes me feel close to Him..because everytime I think of the exam, then I start thinking of life as the real exam.. the feeling is, I think I'm not good enough to be judged by human beings (the Doctors of course), though at times I think I have done my best, working hard throughout the posting then how can I ever think of obtaining a pass once being judged byAllah the Almighty??? The most that I'll get is a failure in Ortho posting, I can always do a remedial, if not I have 2 years of extra clinical years to spare, or worst, I will be kicked out of medical school, and that's it in this very short life, for I will leave everything behind once the grave gives a call. Maybe I won't even have the chance to complete my medical training when my time in this world is up.. but do I work hard to face that real exam?? I always take things for granted....
And for that reason, I am most grateful to have this exam as a reminder that life is very short, and that I should be preparing for the ultimate judgement.. And i like that feeling of helplessness as a servant of Him..
I know.. I know most of the times I have this negativism on Medicine; on why must I do medicine, on why must I be a career woman when I want to be a housewife, on why do I have to be a doctor and experience a life which to most people is 'suck', but hey
"Life is movement, movement is life!"