Today is 17th January. 2 days before his birthday. Yesterday we went to KAUH, and consulted three different paediatrician regarding Ameer Faheem's health. All three of them diagnosed him as Roseola infantum. I was quite reluctant to agree... because of the history.. Probably it was our fault as we didn't tell the history thoroughly.. and probably because when we met them, the conjunctivitis has resolved. He was left with fever cough and runny nose only. Ameer Faheem has been having fever for 7 days, approaching 8 days with no sign of resolving :( This morning, I noticed that he was not well, just like the past 1 week.. but a bit different. Nampak comot lebih dari biasa. I brought him to the sink to wash his face, and I knew the reason.. There were dry pus surrounding his left ear, and matting his hair. I touched his right ear and he cried. Everytime. but when I touched his left ear, he stayed quiet. I check the canal. Oh yes, a nightmare which I thought have passed... it was full of pus. The exact presentation when he had tympanic membrane rupture (twice in fact) when he was 3 months old... I told abang about it, but we decided not to bring him to the hospital, just yet. Twice a visit to the hospital in a week is indeed tiring.. for us and for him...

I cleaned him, and then he slept besides me. He appeared lethargic. I cried and oh yes I cried. Because I know that a ruptured membrane heals by fibrosis, and thrice rupture isn't something to be taken lightly..

At that point of time, i just missed sharing it with Wani, when Faheem had his first and second membrane rupture; discussing the options that we have. At that point of time, I dreamt of being in Kuantan, calling my lecturers and ask for their kind help and assuring words... At that point of time I regretted my housewife status which prevents me from driving him to the hospital and straightaway seek for the best medical care... because a human never feels enough, and yet a mother always want the best for her child....

Life is indeed a test. O Allah give me strength to continue on..