Today will be the last day of holiday..and tomorrow my Paediatric posting will start. Am still not in the mood for classes and wardwork, but I'm not offered with any other choice.. Will InsyaAllah go back to Kuantan this evening.
I really regret taking public transports like the other day when a friend dropped me in Gombak, and I had to board the train and metrobus to arrive home. it took me 2 hours to arrive from kuantan to gombak, and another 2 hours from gombak to my house huu, when the journey should be around 30 minutes only... I was carrying 2 large bags (which of course contained books) and a laptop bag (Alhamdulillah abang bought me a netbook instead of a laptop). I didn't mind taking the public transports before, but as now I'm carrying my big Ameer as well, and I don't want to overwork my burdened hardworking heart, it is indeed not a choice to be opted. Well, nothing is easy in life isn't it? At least I was so lucky to be able to sit instead of standing all the way :p A pregnant lady should always be offered a seat huh?
My next antenatal checkup will be tomorrow, after a free period of 6 weeks ^_^ surely I can't wait to see my Ameer :D I planned to do the 3D/4D tomorrow, but due to some reason it has to be postponed.
Speaking of being hardworking, I think the last exam was the worst in term of trying. (Of course it can't compare with my IM exam in which I was so sick to read the book huuu). I was really not in the mood for exam..simply because I think that life has nothing to offer haha. That was when I started to question my intention; how sincere do I do things for Allah, or do I do things to get worldly returns?? In sequent, my previous exams were Ortho, Specialized, IM and O&G. I went to Jordan after Ortho, I went to Jordan again after Specialized, abang was around after my IM exam..and next came O&G.. I was not going anywhere, and abang wasn't coming home, there was nothing interesting in store, except that I'd get a long break. It was way different in comparison to my 4th year, when I desperately wanted to pass my exams because I wanted to have my elective posting :p People love to say that I have hypothyroidism huuu because of my round-the-clock it's-ok attitude in such a lazy emotionless manner despite doing something very fatal huu.
Back to the pre-exam period, abang kept asking me, "Ayang cuak donut ke?" Cuak donut is the term that abang uses when he becomes so restless before the exam, so anxious etc. I said, "Not yet..." I waited and waited for that anxiety to set in but alas until the end of my exam, I think there were some technical diffculties in the emotional setting leading to me having a blunted affect. What did I do? I surfed and surfed the internet.. Actually I was so disturbed with something few weeks before the exam..and it was carried along until the exam huuu. So what I usually do (and usually make me feel happy :D) and, what I actually did was to surf the internet for Ameer's necessities and did some internet purchasing (since I can't shop for myself). Abang was the anxious one, asking me,"Tak ganggu exam ayang ke..asyik surf internet je..." I said, "takde mood.." So during this holiday I end up waiting for the parcels to arrive home huuu till the pos laju people said sambil tersengih2 "Hari hari ada bungkusan sampai ye". Ummi and me pun tersengih2 haha.
After 2 months without abang, I just can't stop missing his presence.. especially when I feel that abang is very busy carrying out his responsibilites in Jordan.. Alhamdulillah I have Ameer to play with, and someone to resort to when I feel so lonely, a companion whom I can read story books to...and at least it reminds me, although abang is not here, a part of him is in me (and it's kicking haha). A jihad is not easy indeed. But the reward from Him is far worth the effort.. May we be patient always..
Abang, you knocked on my door once, I opened it and let you in, that was the first time you imprinted something in my life, and it will forever stay in my heart. I love you so much!
Anakanda ke-5 , Uzair
3 months ago