Be humble..

[34]Kaum lelaki itu adalah pemimpin dan pengawal yang bertanggungjawab terhadap kaum perempuan, oleh kerana Allah telah melebihkan orang-orang lelaki (dengan beberapa keistimewaan) atas orang-orang perempuan, dan juga kerana orang-orang lelaki telah membelanjakan (memberi nafkah) sebahagian dari harta mereka. Maka perempuan-perempuan yang soleh itu ialah yang taat (kepada Allah dan suaminya), dan yang memelihara (kehormatan dirinya dan apa jua yang wajib dipelihara) ketika suami tidak hadir bersama, dengan pemuliharaan Allah dan pertolonganNya. Dan perempuan-perempuan yang kamu bimbang melakukan perbuatan derhaka (nusyuz) hendaklah kamu menasihati mereka, dan (jika mereka berdegil) pulaukanlah mereka di tempat tidur, dan (kalau juga mereka masih degil) pukulah mereka (dengan pukulan ringan yang bertujuan mengajarnya). Kemudian jika mereka taat kepada kamu, maka janganlah kamu mencari-cari jalan untuk menyusahkan mereka. Sesungguhnya Allah Maha Tinggi, lagi Maha Besar.
Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband’s) absence what Allah would have them guard. As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (Next), refuse to share their beds, (And last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them Means (of annoyance): For Allah is Most High, great (above you all).

It’s now 1.44am I am trying to read on Dyslipidemia CPG after being bashed to a rag by a Dr during one of our classes- for not reading it earlier huuu. That’s the superficial act. I am actually sitting in front of the laptop in a very close proximity to Abang (who is sleeping soundly) trying hard to make him feel my presence (by making exaggerated movements and acceptable decible) thus indirectly wake him up because I am feeling so hungry huhu though sahur time will be few hours from now :( (Suppressing my frustration) he isn’t giving any positive sign to wake up and entertain my starving tummy huuuuuu.
We actually slept straightaway after maghrib prayer. I don’t know what’s happening to me lately, I get lethargic by doing nothing, that’s so indecent. I can’t even stand a 2 hour class, that’s is so unacceptable universally –sigh-
Alhamdulillah family medicine posting officially ended yesterday after handing in the logbook and second case write up. However the BEST part is, Abang was given a homework- he has to do a case writeup!!! How I teased him on that hehe. Chayoukk abang!!! I guess he becomes a regular tagger of a doctor in KK and in doing home visit, thus the acquirement of case writeup assignment. Next is case presentation (am I glad about that hehe). What’s next??

Haha, that (the above) was written almost 1.5 months ago. I’m arranging and cleaning my laptop, and suddenly found this short excerpt from my life diary. Failing to find the strength to throw away this piece, I decide to write something on it.
Once upon a time, I came across a saying (I still remember it was in a magazine that K.Aini gave to me) which says ‘seorang gadis tidak akan menghendaki apa-apa di dalam dunia ini melainkan seorang suami, saat dia sudah bersuami, dia mahukan segala2nya yang ada di dalam dunia’. Abang pulak selalu kata, ‘wanita banyak nafsu. Nafsu nak makanan sedap,nafsu nak barang kemas dan perhiasan, nafsu nak pergi kedai kain (erk ni memang perli nih), nafsu shopping (ni perli lagi heheh), nafsu nak rumah besar etc, tp lelaki ada satu je nafsu. Nafsu nakkan perhiasan dunia yg paling indah’. Hmm what would that be? If you have ever heard, ‘seindah-indah perhiasan dunia adalah wanita solehah’.

When I ponder upon the first saying, I think it is true (in my case at least). There was nothing that I wanted except to be a wife when I was single, and now once I become a wife, it seems like I want so many things (except for jewelleries of course because no matter how hard I’ve tried, the chemistry between me and jewelleries is still lacking. Abang silalah jangan berkecil hati when I don’t wear my engagement and wedding ring :p).

Of course one can’t blindly follow their nafsu isn’t it? Islam teaches us that, humanity also teaches us that. If one gets a husband who is so tolerant, one should be more than thankful. I am reminded of the kosher system adopted by the Jews, whereby a woman is not welcomed in a family gathering e.g a family dinner. What more if they are menstruating, they are degraded further down below the level of a maid! They are considered dirty. If I were in that place, I am sure being the rebellious me, I won’t hesitate an inch to conduct a reformation or possibly form an organization fighting for women’s rights haha. I am also reminded of the orthodox or traditional malay concept whereby women have to blindly follow whatever their husbands’ say, claiming that all the time that they would be an isteri durhaka should they try to voice out their opinion.

One should be clear of the definition of a discussion. A wife is no less a human that needs to be heard and to be understood. Ahh I’m getting a bit emotional here because I think psychological abuse on a wife is everywhere.

On the other extreme, it is a bizarre if a wife tries to defend herself and fulfill her nafsu by using religion as a stand hehe. When I said to abang, “Abang tahu tak, duit abang duit ayang jugak. Tapi duit ayang duit ayang sorang ok”. Umar and Yasir claim that I am a very unbelievable mata duitan type of wife hahaha. Abang asked back, ”Betul ke? Tak adil la macam tu sebab abang banyak tanggungan. Takkan guna duit abang sorang je!”I answered “Betul, sebab abang ingat tak ayat Quran yang cakap ar-rijal (lelaki) lebih kuat (or utama) berbanding wanita kerana apa yang mereka nafkahkan dari harta mereka…” Abang replied “Haa nasib baik tahu nak jawab” (Abang tahu sbnrnya, saje je nak uji huu) And I smiled in a satisfied mode.
HOWEVER the very same Quranic verse, doesn’t just stop there! It continues by addressing the women with ‘maka beramal solehlah, taatlah..

If I work and most of my times are spent at work, he has the right to ask me to quit. If I work and come back home tired, incapable of fully functioning as a wife, he has the right to fire me back. Now that I am studying and neglect my responsibility as a wife totally (staying far from him), if he instructs me to terminate my study and live with him, I have to obey. And worst if I work and gain money, he won’t forever has his share. But still despite all these, he still tolerates with the condition and practices patience. He even further asks “I have fulfilled your social needs, am I right?” Subhanallah, mashaAllah, what more could a wife ask for?? To MYSELF especially and all the wives out there, and all the wives-to-be, be humble, get down to earth and don’t be too demanding. (Huuuu how much harder can it be when you have 99 nafsu all screaming for freedom in all directons!!). To Abang, sorry if I am too demanding huuu (bak kata Ustaz Samsuri, “org perempuan ni hari ni minta maaf, teriak tak mo buat lagi, dah insaf dsb, 2 hari lepas tu dia ada tak puas hati dgn kita (suami), dia p attack balik. Org perempuan MEMANG Allah ciptakan dia lagu tu..” )