Seperti Khadijah kepada Rasulullah

Today I am in the melancholic mood again after such severe diarrhea. It was due to the keropok lekor rebus that I ate this morning, I am sure.

2 days ago, I went to Kedai Buku Ansar in KP with Hana, in a vigorous search of wifey books. At that point of time, I had just realized that what I had in me was not enough for me to be a good wife. In the end, I bought two books

1. Kisah cinta sejati Khadijah  by Abdul Mun'im Muhammad Umar

2. Jalan Kebahagiaan by ...

The first chapter I read was of course on anger. Why? Because at that time I was still feeling extremely sad after being scolded by A'thiq for some reason. Kesedihan di hati masih tinggi. Why sad? Because after the scolding session, I am extra aware that I haven't done enough to make him feel happy.. Ini baru je bertunang dan duduk berjauhan.. apatah lagi jika dah berkahwin dan duduk bersama? Pasti banyak lagi kelemahanku yang akan mengecewakan dia..

Starting from there I was so determined (and still am) to change drastically. To change to be a better person. Menjadi isteri solehah yang sentiasa membahagiakan suami. Aku ingin menjadi seperti Khadijah kepada Rasulullah, sehinggakan pemergiannya meninggalkan nama, kehilangannya diiringi air mata, kesunyian hidup tanpanya mebuahkan rindu, dan meskipun dengan ketiadaannya, namanya sentiasa saja meniti dibibir Rasulullah, diungguli dan bagaimana pula perasaan dalam hati baginda? Pastinya tersangat merindui isteri tercinta!

Ya, aku ingin menjadi seperti dia. I want my presence in his life become a priceless gift. Aku begitu ingin menjadi bidadari kepada dia, menjadi ibu anak-anaknya, menjadi tempat untuk dia bermanja, menjadi temannya mengejar cinta dan redha Yang Maha Esa, beriringan dengannya menyusuri jalan mencari syurgaNya.. 

Aku ingin menjadi seperti kahdijah kepada Rasulullah....