I was, am and will forever be His servant..

It feels like yesterday.. we greeted the arrival of Ramadhan.. 
It feels like yesterday.. we started to have sahur and fast
It feels like yesterday.. we felt excited of going to bazaar ramadhan
When in reality we have arrived at the third trimester of Ramadhan.. the last 10 days..
In pregnancy, this period is the excitement period, when the labour of the baby couldn't be patiently waited anymore.. Should it be the excitement period for us as well, when Eidulfitr is felt like a year away?

This time around (this ramadhan), I have never break my fast at home with my family (that is of course very sad). I have never visited bazaar ramadhan except twice when the bus from temerloh to kuantan stopped by the bazaar and pakcik driver allowed us to buy food for breaking our fast (because we break our fast on the bus each time we travel from temerloh to kuantan). I have never performed tarawih in the mosque; not even once, despite the fact performing trwh in the mosque WAS one of the hallmark of my ramadhan (in my younger days, one of the thing that we liked most was going to masjid and perform tarawih. we did 8 rakaat and while waiting for my parents to finish 23 rakaat, we just played in the mosque- that was the best part; socializing hehe). I have never gone out shopping for Raya thingies with my whole family, like we did before...

Truth is, it is a very lonely life, and I really miss the life that I had before. But we move on, and we try to adapt. Sometimes i cook with my housemates, I perform congregational tarawih with them (sometimes in the hospital surau), I spent my fasting days with the patients and their families, 
more than once i break my fast in the ward, I use night time for reading my medical text books and sometimes reciting the Quran, I have done my quick raya shopping even before ramadhan..Truly it is a very lonely life even whem I am always surrounded by people;
because I just miss my family so much, I miss listening to the Quranic recitation from the cassette by famous Imam with my sisters until we fall asleep, I miss waking up with her waiting for the lailatul qadar after we have prepared a list of things that we would like to pray for during that night hehe, I miss Ummi's cooking.... 

but 1 thing never change.. the last 10 days of ramadhan 
has always been the time for me to reorientate myself as His SERVANT.. InsyaAllah.
Jom koreksi diri dan kembali kpd fitrah manusia yg suci =)


As bob said...

a very nice post..zouq. Maybe because some parts of the story also been faced by me before

Bukak puasa dalam bus from temerloh to kuantan. Bulan ramadhan bersama patient. Pergi bazaar dengan pakcik2 bus time2 tunggu akak2 medic siap :D


5 days to go, give out our best..

btw, it is touching..

Anonymous said...

=) bob, nama penuh ap ye? perhaps we have bumped into each other kat campus??..

ahmad said...

hmm...u r rite.. this time ramadhan is not like before anymore.. miss dat days a lot..i think i enjoyed most in ramadhan during at matric PJ.. probably, due to the surrounding... hmm..miss that...

ummu ameer said...

yes =) anyway ahmad, kenapa keep your blog private?.. may i know which ahmad ni eh? A.G.M.G k?

ahmad said...

haah..u r rite...this is A.G.M.G... pandai la u bg this short form... good idea... hehe.. going to use it... anyway, my blog, nothing la there, just some collected poetries that i found over the net... i x tau pun dat my blog is private, hua hua hua...(real loser for tech since entering medic school)... :)