Exam will be this coming monday.

Did the antenatal checkup yesterday, paid a good amount to have the 3D pic of Ameer, alhamdulillah we got a peek view of him.. but I was left blank not knowing muka macam sapa haha, but surely he's chubby. Yang sangat pasti hidung dia kembang. Ikut sape ntah :p Ummi kata macam hidung amoi piyah!!! Things are not going on very well inside the tummy, but still Alhamdulillah for His bounty..

But there goes my dream to go to Jordan, nobody want to issue a medical clearance for me.. As for now I'm pathetically waiting for abang's return huhuhuuu..

Allah knows how much I want to give birth to him, the contractions are giving me severe discomforts, and his tiny legs are poking me hard (this is most painful!!!) , and my back is screaming for some justice, it is really painful :(

And Allah knows how much I want him to stay longer, gets stronger and gain more weight in the womb! He's now Alhamdulillah 2.2kg -smile, smile, smile- :D

I dream of getting an electric wheelchair huuuuu

Piyah has started on her weaning diet!! And I haven't met her for more than 1 month, that's how long I haven't gone home huuu....

Above averything else, I want abang, abang and abang!


I've been contemplating for quite some time
And I've been pondering over my life lately
I got caught in the web of confusion
I try to imagine the hectic HO life yet adequately paid, and wonder how satisfying everything is
I try to taste the sweetness of victory.. perhaps for those who have just received the title of a Dr
I try to picture a life so carefree
And I try to put on the shoes of those who are needy
I try to search for sakeenah that has long gone
And I talk to those who are suppled with wisdom
And I came across this poem that extremely depicts me:
Do not doubt I love you, eventhough
My actions may have undermined my word
We could be as connubial as birds
Had I not led my wild longings show
I cannot help wanting to devour
All the world that comes before my eyes
But more than all the world is that which lies
Within the precious circle of our bower
I'll do anything to keep you with me
our love will last as long as you have will
Despite my untamed need, my love is still
A rock against the surges of the sea

And I came across a song to which I shed tears
I am now a decided person :)


Birthday Mommy???!!

Tak sangka pulak the pevious post gave rise to few controversies huuu. Ada yg bg motivasi, ada jugak yg menempelak haihh, but thank you to those responses and responders regardless of their nature huu. Being me, of course i can just be blunt, but truly I learn.. as how I always like to put it, as I walk through life, I like to collect and keep those things that are useful, and I can just discard the things that I don't need :D Abang kata dia kurang jadi panas baran sebab terpengaruh with my way haha.

It's a habit I guess to complain. I am dramatic most of the times, but truth is not as bad as that :D a fact that is too familiar to abang, so don't worry that much hehe. For example extending my study, it is such an impossible feat to be accomplished haihh. In UIA, we don't have such thing I guess. And I nearly complete 3 out of 5 postings, so I don't have any other option but to move on :p Abang is the jack-of-all-trades, really. After we got married, abang dealt with the university transfer, and he got it. I received an offer letter to join JUST, sraightaway entering Year 4. I am the dumb one really, I didn't even know how to deal with JPA so the opportunity went down the drain. I was called to the Dean's office when JUST faxed the letter to UIA, they were curious as never in the IIUM history such thing happened before huu. And then he dealt with the univ regarding my elective, I don't know how he did it, but I managed to have a holiday during my elective, and graduated with an evaluation form written 'a good student, eager to learn bla.. bla". And then abang requested for marriage leave from his univ, and currently he requests for the paternity leave. I REALLY and REALLY wonder how can he do such absurd things huuu, but that's abang. I think he really knows how to deal with things. And sekarang abang gelak2 je sindir, saying "Nak tangguh HO pun tak tahu prosedur, ada hati nak tangguh belajar!!!" haha. Yelah, isteri abang ni tak pandai buat apa2 huu. But the fact that I am really deprived of the mood to study is for real :(

Complaining to abang all the time? Oh that's a must! And if you wonder, what do I complain and nag and whine about every single day, my answer would be, "Nothing much. Hari2 aku nangis2 cakap rindu kat abang" And he complains about the same thing to me, so I guess it's fair and square, we are equal :p

So back to the real topic, I didn't even remember that today is my birthday until I received a bunch of messages wishing me a happy birthday huuu. And it didn't hit me that hard as everybody was just saying "Happy Birthday" until abang wished me "Salam ulangtahun sayang yang ke 24....[cont]". What?? 24?? Am I that old? huuuuuu, terasa tak best plak birthday ni huuu.


Immensely mundane complain

The worst mood I can ever imagine.. if suddenly I get a phone call from the university office asking me, "Maryam, do you want to postpone your study? We are ready to grant your wish" I won't be needing another second to make a decision. yep, that is what i am seriously thinking right now.. to extend my study.. awful and awful. Professional exam is just around the corner, and I can't feel the aura.. worse is most of the times I think I don't want to care, the only thing I want is for May to arrive and hey presto! Off to be with abang for good huhuu.

Sape yang paling kesian? Abang. Why? Because I nag and complain and cry to him every single day. Batul, it's NEW YEAR!!! He's having his hectic specialized 2-week postings and I guess that adds up to the burden haissy. Plus, he's busy during the weekend... kesian abang and yet I can't control myself.. Abang told me that he used to be a bad tempered person before marriage, but he claimed to be a different person now that he's a husband... No wonder about that... because he get such an annoying cry baby wife huu. Yes he rarely (extremely rare) raises up his voice.. but I feel guilty (padan muka diri sendiri) :( When I think of going to his place, I want him to be around all the time.. I don't even want him to attend class huu. Nak jadi possessive macamane lagi??? Well, i think that's quite true, when I was around, abang went out to play at midnight, after I've fallen asleep. Speaking of being left alone, i even cried when he went to the mosque huuu. Absurd~ Tapi kena tinggal lama kat malaysia boleh pulak? not left with any other option I guess. Oh God, he's going to be a houseman after all!!! Why and why and why do i behave this way?? [fatrah geram dengan diri sendiri]

I have to ask baby Ameer, nanti nak duduk kat jordan tak?? :p Tapi kalau daddy busy, kita tinggal berdua je la huhuu

InsyaAllah I'll be moving out soon. I think staying in the hostel gives me a not-so-good environment.. less opportunity to have life, PLUS more time to whine, and the pathologic internet connection which means more opportunity to disturb abang huhuu. And seriously thinking of starting baking again, as if I don't have enough things in my hands... until before the baby arrives insyaAllah. Probably encouraged by the cafe owner who keeps asking me when will I send my cakes...sehinggalah naik segan nak beli kat cafe dia huu. And because I can't think of better things to do... and yet the exam is around the corner! Well, if you have been dragging your whole body to complete the whole medic affair for the past 5 years, another 5 months do feel like 5o years.. :(

They'll be flying to Sarawak (and i miss another wedding) this weekend,
And abang will sit for his Anaes exam tomorrow.. may Allah help you, abang..
And another hectic weekend for him..
Guess I'm head over heel in love with you abang, so i'll be missing you much!
And I am for uncountable times, stuck here....


I can b extremely lumpy at times!

It was 2 something in the m0rning, and I had just woke up, after some wonderful dreams :D Then the tummy started to rumble, oh the aura of gastritis, giving me a warning of what's coming. I looked down at it, suddenly it moved and wriggled, I was alarmed, what was that???!! and kept staring on for almost a minute... (the first thing that came to mind was, "A big snake in me??" Penangan baca Mastika huu) then I realize, oh I forgot that I have Ameer inside me huu. I dreamt of Abang & me, not in a preggie state haha... and I guess I got carried away..


Speaking about compliance

Yesterday I bought nasi goreng kampung + fried egg + ikan keli for dinner. I used to enjoy those foods, but last night I ate onlya quarter and threw away the rest.. The appetite just wouldn't cooperate.

I can be the least compliant patient any doctor can find. During the last antenatal checkup, Ameer's parameters were a bit worrying to me.. his abdominal circumference corresponded to his age of 29 weeks, but his other parameters were that of 32 weeks gestation... Being a paranoid medical student, I started to think of asymmetrical IUGR (intrauterine growth retardation), and the worst was, I felt guilty.. then I started to think of the anemia that I'm having, and my poor nutritional intake.. is it affecting Ameer?

First I can' take the iron (ferrous fumarate), because I'll start throwing up once I take it. So I stopped taking it once I entered 2nd trimester. Then recently Ummi bought me Iberet (ferrous sulphate) which should produce less GI effects such as nausea vomiting, because my hemoglobin (Hb) has progressively dropped to 9. Worse, Iberet also induced vomiting :( so i took one tablet only.

last week, once I got back from the antenatal checkup with that worrying finding (the Dr wasn't worried at all huhuu), I took the 2nd tablet huu, and ended having nausea and vomiting, then I slept with an empty stomach, and woke up in the middle of the night, vomit again due to gastritis plak huu. and I skipped the class next morning.. abang told me to avoid taking the iron tablet but to eat red meat, kerang and such to increase the Hb. The problem is, I don't have the appetite to eat rice + lauk huuuu. Sometimes I do cry because I feel so stressed throwing away my meal all the time. The irony is, I can eat cakes and biscuits and crave for them!! Abang pulak asyik suruh mkn kek rather than not eating anything, but cake is not nutritious! What a dilemma

When you are pregnant, you really do something for the sake of the baby. If I'm not pregnant, I won't worry this much, in fact I won't worry a bit to substitute my rice with cake for each meal huu (except that I'll get cardiovascular diseases later in life haha). And I actually have lost some weight lately.. I don't even need to wait until delivery :( Probably I should buy the supplement Neurogain which they sell in the clinic huuu...


My other half.. mngarut apa lagi ni??

I took this pic when one day, I noticed abang using the jubah as a plate to put some sort of muruku, while concentrating on the laptop screen.. I called him, snapped the picture and threatened to put it in the blog, while sighing "Kenapa abang letak makanan atas baju????"
He just grinned..
And yet..
How I miss that grin
how I miss that smile
and oh how I miss to see him laughing again
and listen to that cheery note in his words..
I simply miss every single thing about this man!

Bila tgk org ramai2 kahwin, rasa nak kahwin dengan abang lagi. Nak kahwin berulang (1000x) kali dgn abang, knowing that insyaAllah it's a decision that i'll never regret :). abang, jom kawen!


Antenatal checkup

I'm resorting to this blog because I have nothing better to do.. or rather I can't think of anything better to do.. Blurr sgt3.. It's 12am by the way..
Alhamdulillah, I've finished my presentation for Paeds; the seminar & PBA. And today, I went for my antenatal checkup after a lapse of 2 months huu. The nurse asked, "Checkup awak yg terakhir bulan 9?????" And I had to produce a stupid a bit of explanation huu.

Wanted to do the 3D/4D scan.. but Ameer was facing my back, and furthermore, he covered the face with his unfortunate! saje je Ameer ni huu. Bukan apa, I just want to have an idea of whose look he's going to take after..muka abang atau me?? Haruslah baby boy mengikut muka abang hehe although I desperately want my babies to look like me ngeh3 (ehemm [clearing the throat] i'm not commenting on abang's handsomeness or any such things.. it's just that the idea of mother-baby look alike seems fun :p abang will always look handsome to me insyaAllah even when he develops thousands of wrinkles 1 day hehe)

Well the Dr asked me to poke and push the baby here and there so as to change his position but I didn't think much can be done , as have been said before... it's really stuffy and crampy in there huu. But his weight is now 1.4kg Alhamdulillah, an excellent performance so far, Ameer!

Tapi Ameer ni sangatlah selalu tersedu-sedu huu. Interesting huh to note that a mother can really differentiate the in utero movements..? :D It's an amazing discovery for me as well. I know when he kicks, when he stretches, when he turns his body.. and definitely when he has hiccups! When the Dr was doing the scan, she suddenly smiled and said "He's having hiccups, can you feel that?" I said "Yes, selalu sangat2!" She just laughed and said "Orang tua tua kata, budak sedu bagus" and I replied, "Bagus supaya cepat besar ke? Hahaha"

I have another checkup this monday, and I hope Ameer will be just fine.. just fine..