a long sighhhh........

I want to start by writing on my yesterday.. We didn't make it to Mu'tah. Fullstop. We planned to join PERTAMA (program mahasiswa Malaysia seluruh Jordan ke apetah) during the weekend, but we didn't manage. They invited great speakers- Ust Maszlee, Ust Hasrizal etc. Mu'tah is about 2 hours drive from Irbid (I was informed). We wanted to join the bus trip from Irbid, but they departed at 3am and I was very sleepy, so Abang decided to go there by public bus the next day. It could take up to 8 hours by coaster (a mini bus). The next day, Abang deicded to perform the Jumaat prayer before leaving, but everything has been carefully planned by Allah, we waited for a Sarfis (kind of a taxi) to Amman for Allah knows how long, arrived in Amman sometime around 4, went to Mecca Mall because Abang was late for his Asar prayer. I was hungry and pleaded to Abang to buy something 'Malaysian'; and bought a very irritatingly expensive white rice with fish which cost Abang JD7 per meal (that was RM35 for nasi dengan ikan masak lemak ok. sayur pun takde. sgt sakit hati), then visited Ust Sulaiman (the MSD person) and performed maghrib prayer at his house, then took a taxi to go to the bus station, Mujamma Janubah to catch a bus to Mu'tah. By then it was 7pm. At the station, we were informed that there was no bus to Mu'tah (last bus at 6.30pm), so we asked the taxi to send us back to another station to catch a bus back to Irbid. Abang wanted to rent a car, but I wasn't very keen with the idea of throwing away more dinars (i kinda have this freaking mind of converting the Dinar to RM which sparked anxiety urghh because JD1 equals to RM5. So we took a ride in the sarfis-van, and the driver told us it cost JD3 per person, but when we arrived in Irbid, he ask for JD10!!! Sangat sakit hati dengan arab yg menipu. Semoga Allah bagi balasan setimpal sebab aniaya pelanggan. In couple of hours, we spent JD30, which equals to RM150. Balik rumah dengan hati sedih dan penat, dan tidur terus huuu.

The next day I thought we should have a good walk, so that was exactly the thing that I proposed to abang hehe. Abang tanya nak g mana, i said jalan je mana2 huu. But on 1 condition, i had to let him sleep till zohor haha (zohor is around 11++ am. I'm such an early riser who rarely can sleep back after subh, and abang is kinda feel threatened with that, becuase more often than not, i will do anything to wake him up, most common reason that i give him being i'm hungry hehe)so after zohor, we went out aimlessly huu. We ended in supermarkets including Mukhtar, Safeway etc and shopped for groceries.. and guess what???? Abang got his oven!!!! Bought it at Mukhtar, and the price was quite cheap for an oven of that size, a 34L one. Tapi abang pun tak sure dia rajin ke tak nak guna oven tu, but never mind about that, we went to search for raw cake ingredients pulak, surveying and comparing prices, but it was really hard to find pure cocoa that i started to wonder whether the Jordanians bake chocolate cake at all huu. Went back home to perform Maghrib and of course we didn't intend to shop anymore with the big oven inconveniencing us. After maghrib, we grab some sandwich from a restaurant, then hit the street again for another 'good walk' haha. Buy few things in Irbid mall including a spring tin cake (which I later hate because it doesn't hold the cake mixture. bocor huu), then went home to put away the things, and went out again for the 3rd time!!! By then I was really tired and sleepy, but we still watched a movie at home, regarding a serial paediatric murder case set in early 80s or 90s in English country. Huuu sangat takut beaucse it gave me the tingling sensation which is usually felt whenever we are reminded of death huu, and my mood was altered for the night.. Bila tengok abang, teringat kes forensik dulu of a newly married 26 year old man who died of coronary heart disease.. But I didn't want to press further on that matter, as I had enough in handling abang yg selalu menangis for the coming separation.. (note utk abang: u first cried pasal berpisah ni on my 5th day of arrival huuu)...

Sedih memang sangat terasa.. since insyaAllah the day after next, I will again say goodbye to Abang. Mula terasa sunyi tanpa abang (i seriously laugh almost non stop duduk dengan abang sebab abang kelakar and banyak cakap, tp sometimes bila abang dah ckp tak berhenti i ask abang to take a break and give my auditory nerves a good rest heheh) Hati rasa berat untuk berangkat, dan dada sesak dengan sebak, tapi dah taknak layan emosi sangat, as nothing can be changed.. we just have to move on.. Hari ni bertambah sedih, when I spend my day in Abang's kitchen looking at whatever left and planning what to do with them. I know kalau tinggal benda2 ni, alamatnya terbuang la.. abang goreng telur je hari2, benda2 lain semua dia tak masak hehe.

Hari ni bersungguh2 aku buat manisan untuk abang. A moist chocolate cake with cute strawberries on it, a bowl of fruity trifle.. A farewell treat perhaps..? Abang ni memang suka sgt2 makan benda mcmni. Sampaikan kalau buat cucur jagung or cekodok pisang pun, abang makan dengan sangat heavenly (memang we are a perfect team la, both kureng sikit makan rice and savouries tp suka makan desserts or kuih muih huu)

Saat2 akhir bersama abang, kalau ikut hati, nak menangis sentiasa, tapi kalau ikut rational, nak sentiasa hargai dan bahagiakan abang.. hopefully aku masih direzqikan utk bertemu abang selepas ni, laksanakan tanggunjawab sebagai isteri jaga abang dan jadi teman paling istimewa untuk abang!! insyaAllah. Ameen.