Ni post yang langsung tak best!

Tomorrow baby will be entering the 12th week (I made a mistake, the week changes every saturday). But the pregnancy sickness isn't showing any sign to cessate..haissy.
I was down with fever and tonsilitis yesterday, and ended having hyperemesis as well..I vomited for more than 10 times in a period of 12 hours, which prompted me to go to the A&E a patient. It strongly reminded me of the earlier part of the pregnancy huuu...and brought back all the ugly memory. The doctor told me to come again today to be admitted should the vomiting continue , but alhamdulillah it is now better, and I'm more than willing to be admitted to Ummi's house huu.
Being a medical student, I thought of so many thing yesterday. Well, I had so many respiratory patients for the past 3 weeks- a patient with MDR TB, RVD positive with PCP, klebsiella pneumonia... and considering that a pregnant lady have some degree of immunosuppression or rather susceptibility to ifxn, I was so worried when I started having URTI yesterday. I was ready to tell mimi, that should she find me in an altered state of consciousness, bring me to the hosp asap, and please consider either pneumonia or meningitis huuu. I was of course a bit off the track, plus the headache that was quite severe..and repeatedly examine myself looking for Brudzinski sign (for meningitis). Well, when you have a baby inside you, you really want to make sure the baby is safe and sound huuu.

Every single day, I keep receiving comments like "Maryam, pucat sangat!!", "Maryam, awak nampak tak sihat", "Maryam, ok tak ni?" and truth is I never quite feel my own self during the pregnancy huuu. Imagine the feeling like your body is being taken over, but it's for the good of my baby, then it doesn't matter at all :) But really when I assess myself, I think my Hb is around 8 only. And many a times, I feel like surrendering myself to the ward for IV fluid, for blood transfusion..pregnancy is indeed a physiological stress on the body, at least for me. I have to sit down during bedside teachings, I very frequently skip the classes, and teachings with clinic time slip and MC. Well at least I'm still a medical student, and I have no other responsibility except towards my own self and study...just imagine if I'm a real doctor..everything would be worse. Maybe I should consider taking a cuti tanpa gaji huuu.

Today and for the past few days, I become very emotional..and I even cry when I'm driving..sebabnya?? I tell abang to just feel enough with a child, really I don't want to get pregnant again for the rest of my life huuu... tapi bila cakap camtu, takut abang poligami for the purpose of getting children..hmm org perempuan suka fikir ngarut2.. mengandung tu susah, susah dan susah, dan sangat menguji iman dan kesabaran.... T_T


aliaa said...

probably looking at a cute baby will ease your pain thinking that in few months you're gonna have one of those.

Take a good car of yourself=)

Aqidah said...

Semoga Maryam sentiasa sihat dan bersabar..hehe itulah pengorbanan seorg ibu...;)