It's only Monday, and I'm praying hard for Thursday to arrive.. I really need a break. The 3 on calls I did last week, plus the moving out activity left me in such a devastated and tattered state.. And for the first time after Abang's return to Jordan, I finally press my pause button, to really sit down in the middle of the chaotic and hectic setting, determined to mark my own no-trespassing territory.. to break down. Breaching my own divine rule, while blanketed by utter confusion, I made a big sin, telling him, If only you're here..... If only you're here to help, or at least to lend me a smile..... That's a BIG no-no. And yet I didn't make the tiniest attempt to define today as a very bad day, with worst performance during teaching, and a wandering mind during class.. And that I don't think I can make it to the finishing line with grace.. or at least without chipping off my dignity..
Somehow I don't care how many hearts have I broken, how many souls have I turned down, I just have to move on.. May Allah bless those who have sincerely given me the infinity of space to breathe a breath of hope and step a step of improvement while I only manage to reply with a feeble thank you.. I'm so torn...
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