I am going to miss your presence...

Bila ada pertemuan mesti ada perpisahan. And I think I handle separation very badly. I should learn how to say goodbye in a proper manner. And that explains why I have phobia for new things, new situations, new friendships etc, because I can't bear going through the separation that follows..

Today my mood is not in a very good shape. Internet connection was terrible last night, and I woke up so many times (ahh sleepless night) just to check on the connection (urggghhhhh I am such an internet addict!!). Didn't use any alarm clock by the way, it was just the biological alarm ring huu.

And lavender-kun is not in a good shape as well. It hung few times, purely my fault because i overworked it soo much huhu. Welll, i need to finish my part of Obs notes actually (which was assigned to me, so i guess the prob with lavender-kun is not totally mine!). I should be amazed that it didn't blow with a loud bang and nice burnt smell haha.

And I have to admit, I am not keen at all in going back to Kuantan today. If not for the single class that I am going to have tomorrow, I will happily continue my holiday until this Sunday huuu. (Sorry Miyavi, it's not that I don't feel honoured to ride u huu). With all the roller-coaster emotion, at 7.20a.m (I was in the act of bullying Lavender-kun again at that time, reading blogs to blogs), Yasir (who should have departed for school) suddenly bang on the front door vigorously. Ummi opened the door, and Abah had just entered the computer room..

"UMMI, TOT DAH MATI!!!!! KENA LANGGAR KERETA! KEPALA HANCUR. DIA TENGAH MENGGELUPUR"

Seriously I didn't know what to do, I just felt like crying. I smsed kakak, asma'.. sedih. Ummi and abah ran out of the door to the accident scene huu ( in front of our house), but I just stayed like a solid rock in front of Lavender-Kun. Kakak called, she cried even worse than me. We just kept quiet on the line huu..

I was phobia to cats, and I had the gut to mildly stroke a cat (mind you I am still dead afraid of kittens until now huu) when I was in primary school i think. I seldom play with tot, and i think i can count how many times I had touched tot, throughout the 3-4 years tot lived with us.. but i still love him deeply, and his actions cheered us all. Everytime we go out, the first thing we would search for when we arrived home was his presence huu! Suka buat aksi menggedik, suka mengiau kuat-kuat bila nak something.. truly we are going to miss all those...

Tot is a cat. Agaknya bagaimana aku bila kehilangan insan2 yang tersayang?..... That explains why I am extremely afraid of meeting..because i can't bear going through separation that follows.. 

we were born into this world and we met our parents, we feel happy but one day we are going to die, and they are going to die..

we were destined to meet and live with our siblings and feel happy about it, but one day each of us is going to die

we are going to get married and feel happy about it but one day death will do us apart.. 

we are going to have babies and feel happy about it but one day either 1 will die first..

adakah best hidup sendiri? you never experience the joy of meeting and you will never experience the gloom of parting. i don't know.. gloom is just not the right word! it is far more terrible and nightmarish than the word 'gloom' could explain... Ya Allah give me strength..