Searching for any wonder

When I looked at the last post, only then i realized that i has been sometime since i last wrote here. almost 1 week. i was sick with grieves i think, which impaired my ability to express. i wrote about 2 patients who died, and now another one is dying and deteriorating, 
which doesn't comfort me at all that i will live longer than her.. death can come at any time, 
which i was reminded of when a patient told me that the doctor who treated her died earlier 
than her.. Innalillahiwainnailaihi raji'un.. We belong to Him, and to Him we will return..

But that doesn't mend the bitter truth that i really miss my parents and want to go home, but a long and nightmarish weekend awaits me (because i have on-call on saturday but am currently thinking of skipping it huu), and the anti-depressant that i took (which consists of motivational advices from friends) doesn't seem to work at all! Dragging my reluctant heart to the hospital is very tiring indeed!! Astaghfirullah..