Selamat berjuang abang

I may not write as frequent as before, for quite some time. It's this weird belief that if I pretend nothing happens worthy to be documented in the blog, then time would fly even faster than usual, and before I know it, it's time to meet abang again! huhuhu

Oh yes I arrived home 3 days ago... and I've been busy ever since.. settling few things, like arranging for faheem's school, who's going to take care of him when I work, shopping for abang's things, unpacking 100++kg of luggages, I traced the route to a hospital where I plan to do my HO (its hukm, and oh my I can't imagine travelling to and fro between subang permai and hukm), finishing my resume and tomorrow I am due for the SPA interview..

Hectic. Tiring. Yet I still have time to miss my other half. Oh yes I do feel like I'm living with only half of the body haha. Apa khabar la cintaku disana ye?

I'm the type of wife that has this orthodox belief that a wife's place is with the husband, and by saying that, i really mean that a wife should be with the husband at all time haha. Because of that belief, I followed abang to school (when Faheem attended hadhanah), I joined abang attending programs and meetings, Faheem and me went with abang to the mosque.. and whenever I prepare our dishes in the kitchen, I like it when abang come along (and do nothing) huuu. Apa jenis isteri lah ni ;p And because of that belief, I like to bring my pillow and blanket to the lounge (where abang put his study table and burn the midnight oil), crumpled on the floor besides him and sleep. Well I guess it's not hard to imagine a man studying a table with the wife crumpled on the floor like a cat. guess what? faheem has adopted that very habit and bring his blanket with him everywhere.

A conversation like below is such a common thing in our house

Ab: ayang, kalau ada air chocolate best jugak ni

Me: ok, ayang buat tapi abang kena teman

Ab: la.. baik abg buat je dah sampai dapur tu

Me: xpela ayg buat, abg teman je

maka abang terpaksa la tag along ke dapur sambil pandang2 dinding waktu isteri dia bancuhkan air hahaha. kejam x?

And because of that belief, I decided to come back to Malaysia, no matter how ironic it sounds. We think abang needs some personal time to focus on his study, without any distraction from me or faheem. abang needs to attend study groups, abang needs to be a real student, and for just a while, be free from the huge responsibility of a husband, a buddy, and a dad. I don't want his 'married' status become a fitnah to his study, and definitely I am willing to let him go for just a while during this crucial moment.

When he sent us to the airport, I didn't cry as hard as before, probably because I have set in my mind that it won't be long before we can meet again and enjoy being in each others' arms. Moga Allah murahkan rezqi kami utk bertemu semula..

Abang,

Ambillah peluang menjadi 'bujang' seketika utk focus pada study

Ambillah peluang berjauhan sedetik, utk kita renew cinta

berat mata memandang, berat lagi hati yang merasai

Berat abang rasa memberi keizinan kami pulang,

berat lagi ayang rasa berjauhan dari suami

Hakikat hidup itu selalu mendambakan pengorbanan

Dan adat perjuangan mengharungi onak duri

Kejayaan itu tidak akan mudah digenggam

Kerana ada kemanisan yang menanti

Kemanisan yang abang tak dapat rasai sekarang

Tapi akan terzahir bila suatu hari nanti abang berjaya

Dan mampu memandang pada pengorbanan dan kepahitan lalu

Sambil berkata, "Alhamdulillah! Semua ini aku raih dengan jerih perih!"

Ayang dan Faheem tidak jemu menghitung hari utk bersama abang semula!

selamat berjuang abang!

wada'an

Rakan2 yang mewarnai dan menjadikan indah kehidupan di sini

Kelab isteri solehah yang menceriakan hari

Pakcik2 makcik2 yang tidak jemu menziarahi dan melayani karenah Ameer Faheem kami..

Jualan kek yang mengajar aku erti berusaha

Menapak menyusuri syari3-syari3 yang melingkari tanah Irbed

Jejak Anbiya yang tidak pernah gagal meniupkan keinsafan dalam diri

Menahan kesejukan shita' dan kegembiraan meredahi salji

Keindahan musim bunga dgn anginnya yang sepoi2 bahasa

Debu dan padang pasir, qabilah badwi dan keserabutan perangai pak arab

Maglubah, mansef, basbouseh dan sahleb..

Rumah kami yang dengan kesungguhan abang berusaha, menjadikan ia terlalu selesa..

Wada'an ya Urdun

Aku pasti akan merinudi semua ini!

Kerana disini aku dan abang menyemai cinta

Disini juga abang melakar cita2

Disini kami belajar berdiri di atas kaki sendiri

Abang selalu bertanya, "Abang ada tertinggal apa2 tak?" setiap kali ingin meninggalkan Malaysia...

Dan kini aku berikan jawapan saat ingin berangkat meninggalkan Urdun... "InsyaAllah takda apa2 yang tertinggal... hanya jejak kenangan"

Kami berikan abang ruang dan masa

Dengan secebis masa yang masih berbaki sebelum detik besar exam akhir abang

Moga abang berjaya meraih gelaran Doktor

Dan tidak sesaat bertangguh untuk pulang ke pangkuan kami...

Ayang bakal sentiasa merindui kehadiran seorang suami yang kehebatannya tidak ada galang ganti

Ameer Faheem pasti ternanti2 Daddy untuk menjadi teman mainnya...

Wada'an ya Urdun dan seisinya

Dan Selamat tinggal cinta..

Moga aku dapat sampai ke sini lagi satu hari nanti...

Malaysia menggamit hadir

Oh sungguh aku rindu pada keluarga!

A hopeless wife's hope

kek yg ditempah hari ni...

I'm trying to busy myself studying, when fact is i can't even concentrate properly huuu. I'm tired baking (plus shopping for necessities, sending the cakes to the warung etc) but at least those things make my day fruitful. If I were to be asked, what do I want the most right now- it's going home.. going back to Malaysia.

Kenapa nak balik sgt3 ni? I don't intend to hide the truth- my days are super miserable when abang isn't around :( No matter how extensively I tire myself baking and such~ Oh human can never feel enough, do you happen to know that? I do. Abang g mana? abang sibuk study la of course :) I want to work, work and work. The thing is I don't know the purpose of our existence in Jordan when abang isn't around much to enjoy it haihhh~ Mode: merindui abang sgt3 and abang, pleasssseeeeee bagi isteri abang balik kerja heh heh

Oh how I hope I can sleep now and wake up after abang's graduation and then we can have a long nice holiday together!!!

Last night I dreamt of ummi and abah, that they have arrived in jordan. How wonderful! Bila terbangun....alaaaaaa mimpi je? :(

Faheem? adorable as always Alhamdulillah. Resembling mummy more and more. Emotional and such. Hobby dia cari makanan kat dapur (korek fridge and cabinet). Call Daddy 'Athiq' instead of 'Daddy'. Mummy tak jemu2 amalkan ayat untuk bagi faheem kuat ingatan, saranan dari auntie farah ;p Ayat sanuqriuka fala tansaa.. moga faheem membesar jadi anak soleh, bijak, dan membela Islam! InsyaAllah

A constant reminder...

Alhamdulillah hari ni baru boleh nak bangun lepas 3 hari terbaring. Seperti biasa, muntah, cirit birit, bloating, sakit perut. Lately the symptoms become more frequent, as frequent as any woman's menstruation huu. I wonder why.. Nak kata food poisoning, I'm the only experiencing them. abang tak pun. I try to associate them with hormonal surge etc, but it doesn't match.

I like to tell abang, "Abang tahu tak, kenapa orang tak serik mengandung? sebab diorang ngandung teruk, lepastu diorng dah lupa cmne teruknya ngandung, pastu teringin nak ngandung lagi, and during the next pregnancy, baru diorng serik semula. Tapi ayang tak mengandung pun asyik muntah2 macam org ngandung, jadi ayang tak sempat nak hilang serik, jadi serik semula." Huuu. Alasan. And then I will continue rambling something that sounds like, "Abang tahu tak, orang mengandung ni pahala dia besar sgt3. sebabnya mengandung ni susah...bla..bla..bla.." Abang seperti biasa akan jawab, "Abang nak ayang dapat pahala banyak sebab tu kena mengandung selalu" dan aku selalu akan mengelat, "tapi kalau kita diuji macam tu dan kita tak dapat bersabar, selalu merungut, nanti pahala pun hilang, bimbang dosa yang bertambah" huuu.

I personally really want to have a baby girl, sepasang dengan Ameer Faheem :) Nama pun dah lama ada, tunggu nak panggil tuannya je. But when i think of the pregnancy period it becomes like some sort of a phobia huu. Maybe Allah wants Ameer Faheem to be ready to be a good big brother before he can have a little sister.. Allah's plan is always the best!

Disebabkan hari ni baru berselera, terus teringin nak buat nasi goreng cina! teringin juga nak makan bihun goreng ummi huuu. Teringin nak lasagna, semualah teringin. But first I have to clear up the kitchen yang macam tongkan pecah setelah 3 hari tak dibersihkan huuu.

p/s: nak tahu tak Ameer Faheem suka buat apa sekarang? Dia suka mengamuk guling2 atas lantai! Instead of feeling angry towards him, aku selalu tergelak tengok dia macamtu, and tell abang, "Skit lagi dia guling2 atas lantai supermarket sebab tak dapat apa yang dia nak!" Perangai dia macam abang kecik2 (mengikut sumber yang sahih), tp aku lebih cool dari abang in handling his emotional burst. He is learning to deal with his emotions, let him be... :) alhamdulillah makin dewasa faheem ni, dah pandai nak beremosi.

Baru beberapa hari lepas, abang cerita yang waktu dia kecik, dia mengamuk sebab dia nak perhatian mak. Tapi bila mak datang, dia mengamuk lagi, dan mak tinggalkan semula. Dia sambung mengamuk sambil dalam hati berazam, kalau kali ni mak datang, dia akan senyap, tapi perkara sama berulang, dia tak senyap pun. Semalam aku suap faheem kek, tapi sebab lambat faheem mengamuk guling2 atas lantai. Bila pujuk dia, dia semakin reda, bila nak suap semula kek, dia mengamuk, bila aku tak suap, semakin kuat mengamuk. Perangai sebiji macam abang hahahaha. Nak tegelak tengok budak kecik ni. Cuma faheem ni mudah sgt3 untuk dipujuk :) bagi makanan, peluk dia, dia pun ok!

february 2012

It's already February, how time flies. I'm bracing myself for perhaps the toughest time since I graduated 8 months ago (uish lamanya dah berkarat ilmu :()- and that time would be.... abang's preparation period for his final exam. He won't b around much (busy studying with his friends) and leave poor me and Faheem at home to enjoy each other's company huuu.

Now I'm thinking of expanding my baking business seriously- creating a blog to advertise the cakes, taking orders and such. I'm also busy sewing btw, abang terkasima tengok isteri dia gigih jait tgn hahaha. Hopefully I'll get my sewing machine soon huu, hopefully... ameen. Aku jahit apa? Haruslah jahit baju sendiri haha. Abang asks me to sew something for him (since faheem has got a hand-sewn backpack), but i'm not in the mood yet. Well if you can imagine, abang drowning himself in his sea of notes (which I just can't imagine the purpose of doing that. a note at a time is more than adequate i guess haha), while i busy myself besides him making my coats and blouses and skirts haha. From time to time he throws an inquisitive glance towards me who is measuring my own body and trying them on in front of the mirror to make alterations. If I am in the mood, then I'll open my text book and study with him. Studying without any clinical experience isn't really fun. Oh yes I wish (for every single day) that I can put on my whitecoat and join em ward rounds huuu, but I don't want to be far from abang again..

If you ask me whether I think of going back to malaysia, oh yeah for every fraction of second! Abang has no objection to that, but I am afraid that once I start working, I can't apply for a long leave, which i absolutely need :( nak ikut abang g jalan this july huhuu.

Speaking of faheem, we have stopped sending him to school (his schooling days lasted for a month only haha), considering atuk's worry. Faheem ni kan, suka sgt buat perangai sekarang ni haih. Suka tantrum bila tak dapat barang. Tantrum bila org tak teman dia main (for example when abang is out, I prefer to sit on the bed, surfing the net. Faheem in contrast wants to play in the lounge), his 'knack' symptom makin menjadi2 sekarang ni (only today we found a missing electric socket on the wall in our bedroom!). Most of the times I really don't know how to handle this exceptionally genius lad huuu, oh really..... (will continue later. the lil boss is crying)