This post is of no importance... AT ALL. It is just that every now and then you feel like writing something.... useless... to others, but important to me perhaps. Or is it all the time??!
I'm in my 5th O&G week, another case write-up needs to be submitted this friday (of course I haven't started on it), log book should be submitted next friday and 1 more week before the exam :D Umm wait, why am I smiling??? This is weird, especially when I haven't started preparing for it :D Never mind..
I haven't gone home for quite long, and not planning to be home anytime soon. I'll try to bear the days defore the exam, and then perhaps I can enjoy playing with safiyya :D Ok, I am missing home like mad. Full stop. But I have this weird theory, that f I go home less, Ill somehow perceive the time runs (runs fast!!) instead of crawling like a snail.. and perhaps I'll somehow feel abang won't be gone for too long T_T -pathetic- It's like you are trying to fool the mind...
I'm tired with the hospital. Fine. I'm tired with labour rooms. Nothing could be done anyway.
The thing is, I do nothing useful today other than reading the smses which abang gave since the day we tied the knot. Haha. Superbly pathetic. It has been more than 1 year.. Saje sembang2 petang dengan abang reminiscing the old days :D, we tied the knot in June 2009, but abang went back to Jordan after 2 weeks. We lived far apart for 6 weeks, then abang came back for 6 weeks- our 1st raya together. abang went back, this time around for 3 months, and then I came to Jordan in January to Feb for 3 weeks after I was done with Ortho. I then continued with my specialized posting for 10 weeks, and I was damn anxious waiting for the exam result as we were hoping that I'd pass and be able to do elective in Jordan. So I flew back to Jordan in May, and stayed there for 2 months (but I did my elective for 1 week only huhuu. I was so sick by then), then I came back to malaysia to start my final year. Abang followed 5 weeks later, our 2nd ramadhan and 2nd raya together Alhamdulillah. And now abang has gone back to Jordan for 3 weeks, planning to be home again in 4.5 months time when I deliver the baby insyaallah. Whoaa I guess that's the longest in history.. Huu abang lamanye... abang ok tak?? :D
Some people would just shake their heads, thinking we're insane huu. I don't even know how do we survive so far.. with the baby coming. But step by step, one step at a time, then 1 day look back, and you'll be surprised at how far you have travelled. I guess that is what we did, though in heavy tears. But we don't cry as much as before. I guess human just learn to adapt, not in a short period. And put aims at short intervals, then you try to achieve them one by one.
I remember when abang first left me, we cried like mad. he called me in the departure hall, when he has just boarded the plane, at transit airports, when he has just arrived, in the taxi on the way home, senang cerita, I think I talked to him more than anyone else in my life though he was thousands of miles away. I cried at the tiniest thing, I cried just by entering our bedroom, I cried when I look at his clothes, I cried when i drove my car, I cried when I was preparing milo, remembering how he used to prepare it for me when he was around. Man that was really messy huu. We smsed each other all the time haha that was real mess.
But being around my family did help in tremendous ways. How thankful I am that I have them in reach, all the time. As for now, of course I miss abang, at the simplest thing, as simple as smelling his neck when I hug him. But mission after mission, then you realize that you are actually travelling instead of being in a status quo. As for now, I'm aiming at abang's promise.... :p and yes, I Am working hard..
I always write things with reason (despite my usual statement that it is useless haha), probably it is sometimes too subtle that no everybody can pick it up. But be strong, everybody :D
Anakanda ke-5 , Uzair
3 months ago