It is hard to eradicate negativism

I am full of negativism thus the not so bright a step of writing here.. The dose of specialized has become so intoxicating.. and I am trying to find the antidote in a place called a kitchen.. guess what? I actually sold pudding in fruit cocktail (credit to a groupmate who implanted that very idea :p) and cheesecake.. Ahh I really need to drive back to make a perfect escape.. at least to feed the neurons with some medical stuff ~sigh~ Finsihed 4 mystery novels last week- guess I purposely tried to forget the textbooks for a while.. and swam my way in the drowning tears.. ahh abang is so faraway ~sigh again~

A not-so-brilliant start in ENT.. and definitely a dreadful first experience on my first ENT clinic day.. was assigned to read up sodomy cases and summarize it (how uninteresting). But somehow I kinda enjoyed the short political chit chat in the attempt to catch some breath of life.. and definitely enjoyed being a brat manipulating posh english- oopss I have just realized that I released the leash on the troll in me..you need to do that every now and then haha

I know I know, I am very vague here, but I remember hearing once that if Allah hides your 'keaiban', then why should you open up? If you commit a sin, istaghfirillah :)

I had a nightmare yesterday.. Abang turned into a vampire!!!.. but ironically I woke up this morning bright and cheerful haha. In the dream, there were some disgusting elements which caused me to spit mnay times, and guess what? I woke up to find my pyjamas all wet..with saliva. I actually spitted in my sleep, see how disgusting it was :p Had a long chat with kakak yesterday, and Alhamdulillah that made me feel happy. And one good news, the youngest uncle is all pepared for his engagement this weekend, but am afraid that I can't make it to Ipoh. I am actually trying to finish the slides for presentation this thursday, but surprisingly I manage to accomplish 4 slides in 4 hours!! That's the downside of not having a computer, because you can't decide where and when to do the tech-related assignments. Definitely not on my heavenly bed, anytime I like, instead I have to just make do with the un-ergonomic library chair, and the un-ergonomic library computer table..but un-ergonomic it is, I finished 4 hours straight of the daily 24-hours time credit, completed 2 anest case writeups..and currently the dermatology slides :p Alhamdulillah for that. But of course not without the blurry experience.. First you go to library CC, log into 1 of the computers and tell yourself, "Ok now that I am in front of the computer with internet connection, what do I do?" An hour spent just to get the feel of the subject. The next hour wasted in browsing aimlessly. The following hour used to overcome the word loss and blank mind.. and finally you have the fourth hour to start working on the slides, at the speed of a turtle with parkinsonism.. sigh~~~~ that is how it goes.......

Randomness

2 weeks since the last post, definitely it's not the academic business or BUSY-ness, since I think one can never have a posting more relax or I should rather say 'more lenient' than the specialized posting huu.. but 6 weeks without abang are enough to drive me insane. Usually within the 1st week after separation, I'll crawl through the hardest time period, requiring him to give me phone calls numerous times in a day just to offer a lil bit of consolation. It's the acute sharp cutaneous pain. The following 3 weeks are the incubation period, in which I'll feel that life without abang is equally wonderful (haha kejamnya) with tolerable occasional emotional rindu-rinduan, that is something perceived as mild as a butterfly flutter. Approaching the 5th week, even the black and white radiology seems to contribute to a brighter life compared to the extremely varigated hue of dermatology..huuuu. The chronic and continuous vague visceral pain.. except that it is not vague. Something like the acute exacerbation becomes chronic. Whatever~ Daily dose of crying, the continuous sms to abang, the nightmares.. the medicine-y regret, and the extreme homesickness.. sounds like the familiar symptoms huh? Combatting the urge to grab the car key and drive 240km south bound..

I have tried to stop myself from baking for the time being, but it seems like that's the only thing I can do to make time travels faster. It's something like I wake up from sleep and feel this is the thing I should do today- do some baking, anything related to baking huu. Feel so lethargic in the middle of everything, do some complaining to abang and sleep in tears, waking up again feeling EXACTLY the same way.. GOSH I am stuck in a vicious cycle!!!

Am definitely not in the mood for swimming (although I was the enthsusiastic one to wait for the swimming pool to open) *p/s sorry ah long dude.. but definitely feel that I need some kind of diet. The girth is regretfully increasing day by day uh-uh. Most probably abang won't consent to this ahaa :p Good luck abang for today and Wednesday's exam. Do your best because definitely I need you to be back early in August without any resit of papers :D

A weekend well spent :)

A weekend well spent alhamdulillah, in the territory of my in laws.. arrived in Kuantan at 7am MONDAY after a lengthy 11 hour trip AS-KTN, I am currently in dire need of a good sleep huu.. and oh the blogging activity, it has long cessated; again the usual reason blaming the not so available internet connection and laptop huah~ Radiology posting is about to end, here comes the 3rd of 5th- Dermatology to be specific :) And next will be ENT, next will be Ophthal and next will be Abang :P Counting the days towards the final exam huuu

The business has started to outstretch its wriggly tentacles as well.. with pizza being the latest product :) The hush2 (among my gossipy sisters of course) of whether I really should change the course to catering instead of medicne (gah!) is excellently counterracted by my sporting mak, who gave me a first hand lesson on how to make doughnut (hehe she's really an expert in doughnut making). But currently I am so excited to learn sewing from her huu (she's also a professional tukang jahit) that I have promised myself to pay a visit to Kamdar, buy few metres of clothes, make an escape to Kedah again and produce few pieces of curtain haha. Well our sewing machine is not working, and I have tried inducing Ummi to seduce abah into buying a new one gee~ I wonder whether she's keen on doing that by the way, since she has just breathed a breath of relief once I volunteered to take the bulky bread mixer to kuantan and spare some space in the utility room for her :p (she's trying to make me bring the marble slab for chocolate making to Kuantan also, but I'm definitely not going to fall for that :D)

One thing about mak, she drives really fast! Well I wasn't aware of her reputation before (although I have known that fact much earlier) but yesterday, when we went to a run down area of chinese grocery stores, one of the apek smiled and shouted "Aiyoo Formula 1, ini Formula 1".. I couldn't help but to laugh hehe, and I said, "Semua orang pun tahu mak bawa kereta laju". She laughed as well, "Yalah, ini keleta Formula 1" she answered with a chinese slang. Well try to imagine a petite lady, wearing tudung labuh driving a white Kancil :D that's my mak! hehe

Well, I should stop now before the ramblings take a turn for the worst. may Allah helps me to do well in the exam this friday ameen.