Best tak tajuk tu? Hahaha. How I miss rambling here. I feel like a part of me is missing, dissolving into emptiness together with the abandonment of this blog.. But time is precious. Too precious such that I always yearn for at least 25 hours a day. Blame those who says we only have 24 hours in a day... sigh~ I can hardly find time to write here. Such a tragedy.
I haven't written about 'ME' things for quite a stretch...and for a longer stretch..I haven't written about US thing. Hmmm. Probably its true what they say.. the longer you involve yourselves into marriage, the higher the tendency to forget about US thing.. Oh maybe not.. because Alhamdulillah until now abang has never stopped treating me like his princess, not a slight different compared to the moment he slipped a ring into my finger. If there is, I think it is only because his treatment keeps getting better and better insyaallah :)
For one thing, Abang ni sporting. Sporting beyond words. I have never imagined before my marriage, that I would be married to a man who sacrifices everything that he has, every cent and every second for his wife and family. Dulu kriteria simple je: Solat cukup 5 waktu, tak merokok, tak panas baran. Itu je. Tak sangka bila melamar, tengok ada rupa, tahfiz quran, buat medic. Kata orang syokkk. Setelah tanya kawan2 dan family dia whether he has all 3 basic criteria that I have listed, he passed! Maka kahwinlah, And waktu kahwin, I was careful not to hope for anything. Probably because I come from a family where the men are conservative. haha. Men who says that women should sit at home and take care of the children while the men go out to work. You see, my father was the sole breadwinner of our family. He worked hard, but I have never seen him changing diapers of my younger bros. Simply becuse it is the job of a wife.
After marriage, I was stunned when abang celebrated all my opinions, more than his. He helped me with the dishes, laundry, ironing, he even helped me with petty things such as combing his wife' s hair. I was till being extra cautious because I thought it might be the honeymoon thingy haha.
Then I got pregnant. That was when the real scenario began. I was sick for quite long, bedridden for the first 2 months, with ugly mood swings. Still abang managed to be patient even when our bed was full of biscuit crumbs (i kept munching on biscuits to reduce gastritis), he was patient when i couldnt care less of self hygiene (although he did drag me to the toilet and forced me to bathe haha), he was patient and made tea for me the whole night to reduce the tummy bloatedness, he was patient when I crave for a food, and when he prepared it, I couldnt even tolerate the smell, let alone the taste. I thought it was merely because it was my first pregnancy, and I shouldnt hope for the same tretment after 2 years of marriage haha.
Then came Ameer Faheem. Well, who doesnt have postpartum blue? I did. Tak larat melayan appetite Ameer Faheem yang lapar all the time. Sebab tu berat from 2.6--> 3.8kg at 1 month old. Penat! Depressed! Semua ada. Selaku ibu yang muda dan agak kejam waktu tu, I cried when he cried, and at 1 point just after given birth, I gave up and refused to feed him in the middle of the night. Tired beyond description. Abang juga yang bangun, panaskan EBM, bagi faheem minum and bagi dia tidur. Hoo anak 1st kot.. bolehlah.. that was what I thought. Lepastu meroyan apa tah waktu lepas bersalin tu, setiap kali mandi mesti nak abang teman (probably because we are so used to having bath together, after given birth I felt so unattractive. Bila abang tak nak mandi sekali terus merajuk). Walhal time tu tidur langgar time waktu solat. Abang yang nak pergi masjid mestilah kena mandi cepat. Until 1 time I cried rivers, just because when I woke up abang was fully and nicely dressed in Jubah and Kopiah. Rupa-rupanya I slept from asar and when I woke up, abang has returned back from Masjid after isya' prayer!!! Dasar mak apa lah camni hahaha. Abang was so sweet, Dia sanggup temankan mandi, tapi terpaksa berdiri kat penjuru toilet supaya jubah tak basah kena air. Hahaha. we always laugh when we dig back old memories ;p
More than 5 years has passed. I am not sure whether I am ready to go through that journey again, but abang's assurance make me feel confident. I always ask things like
Abang sanggup tak bangun malam baby menangis? Nanti esok nak g kerja mengantu
Abang sanggup tak bangun malam buat teh kalau ayang sakit perut?
Abang sanggup tak tukar pampers baby selalu berak?
Now now now why do I ask those questions to Abang when i should askt he questions to myself??? Semakin lama jadi isteri abang, semakin naik lemak plak!!! Abang kata "we will adjust!"
What do I fear most of having another baby? Not the difficutly in pregnancy or the hectic life of a new mother. I fear that things between abang and me will change, that we cant simply go out and watch movies, or we cant walk holding hands when each of us has to carry a child, that we cant simply pack our bags and enjoy ad-hoc holiday, that we lose the touch of being just the two of us...
Life is frightening in certain ways..
Finally,
yesterday, abang helped me to set up a workplace, where the laptop will
always be plugged in with my printer at the side, connected to a wifi
phone modem and a nice wide white table for abang and me to use together
:) A cosy red carpet to accompany, a well behaved Ameer Faheem who
understands mommy and daddy are working-at-home-mom-and-dad (on top of
being doctors during office hour), plus... a keyboard with missing
letters. Haha that one can't be avoided unless we buy a new one ;)
All
set up, I am pretty sure i'll be blogging daily, now that i have 3
blogs to run, a fast growing online business, and priceless health and
beauty tips to share!
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