Post Call Off

Believe it or not, for the past 2 months i have been working continuously with only post call off to allow me to catch my breath. The saying 'nothing comes easy' is very true indeed. Skills and knowledge dont come easy. Confidence and resilience dont come easy as well. There are times when I can run care-free, there are times when I have to crawl in pain, but 1 thing I always remind myself of....don't come to a halt! The journey is something that has to be traversed no matter what.

When I was in the previous posting, this time around, the so called mid-posting period, we went to Sabah. That was 4 months ago. The need to be on the loose resurface. Another breakway would be very helpful to maintain sanity I guess. But somehow reality doesnt really entertain one's need. And I have no choice but to charge straight ahead in a combat with self. SELF.

Perihal anak

Faheem is fast turning 3. And that simply means, the question "bila nak dapat adik ni?" is being bombarded like a bomb non-stop. Dush. dUsh. DUSH! And I keep asking myself, am I ready to undergo that journey all over again? Or is abang ready?

You know I keep wondering, what makes a mom wants to become a mom again. Of course once you are a mom you will be one, forever. But what makes a mom wants to become pregnant again? Hmmm.... Quoting from a friend, once you become parents, you have to reduce your degree of 'spouse' and increase your degree of 'parents' means you become a father rather than a husband, or a mommy rather than a wife.. OUCH.

Abang asked me when do I plan to have the second one.. I said I don't know. Abang said probably after finishing housemanship, and my housemanship is finishing soon.. I said err, probably not in the next 5 years.. That's the timeline I offered when I gave birth to faheem hehe, and now faheem is 3, i still give the same answer ;p Probably the 5-year duration is such a subjective period of which Allah only can decide..  Who know I might announce a positive UPT anytime soon haha.

Probably I have not had enough of romantic dinner with Abang, late night movie with Abang, going out with Abang, snuggling with him while he reads the Quran, always ready to lepak in the masjid whenever he asks me to.. I still feel the emptiness when he goes to work, longing for him to come back home asap.

I always wonder, what really motivates one to have another child..? Probably because the pressure is really building for me, because one never grows younger..

I guess it's just that I'm not ready yet.. I'll be ready one day insyaAllah.. :)

6 more months....

I am halfway into medical posting, my fifth.. to reach final seems to take forever... and that comes from someone who always get everything easy! (as abang said it for uncountable times). Not fair? Hmm. Finishing housemanship means I start to plan for a new and more realistic life :p and oh probably fast entering the world of makcik makcik. I've a new hobby; collecting tableware. Hohoho. How ancient do I sound?

Life is hard as it always is. Abang always tell me that Allah bestows me with an easy life, easy job and easy everything. But Allah is the most fair. Each and every srvant is being tested in different ways. I am affected with abang's 'hardlife' :p. Abang always tell me that he is a fighter, that he gets everything through hardship. I seriously think that is true. He is the type of people who struggles. And he is the most patient person ive ever met, as patient as ummi. I come back late from work feeling tired and abang will comfort me, become the backbone that I always depend on. And oh he gives me a maid to finish the household chores, to entertain faheem whenever I feel tired and need my beauty sleep. Abang comes back home late and exhausted, he has to comfort me for not always being around. I seriously dont know how do we do the math here. It is just so wrong...

Last night we watched movie- paycheck. We have watched that before.. in jordan. It reminds me of our previous life. I never want to go back to that point, but I kinda miss being a wife who bakes every single day hehe.

Life is such a test and im glad I have abang to walk with me.. oh allah make us YOur grateful servants. .