This pic was taken by a friend during a mag photoshoot. When i look at the pic, i just can sigh at my own memory failure of how small Ameer Faheem was. seriously small. And I have just realized that it has been 2 weeks, entering the 3rd week Abang survives the days without Faheem and me. Time do fly fast when a baby demands one's attention. I admit that many a times Faheem comes first, then only abang. Sometimes I don't even have any energy store left to pick up his phone call, Perhaps that's a good point when I don't cry as much as before. I don;t go online as frequent as before either. I can't depress a smile thinking of the old days. Old in the sense that Faheem was still not around. Every single day I'd wait for abang to finish his class and we would chat for hours. Every single day. And oh how a baby re-tune that frequency into a much lower one hehe.

Yet I have long realized, nothing changes much. I still miss abang as badly as before, except that at times it is masked by lethargy in juggling things in my hands. And I try really hard to update abang on his little one every single day. If only one knows how hard it is for me to upload Faheem's piccies :p I dress up Ameer Faheem in the clothes bought by the dad, it gives me satisfaction.

If only Ameer Faheem can understand, I can talk for hours telling him so many things. Telling him that some people are just born lucky, and I have no doubt he's one of them! Ameer Faheem was born when the issue of dumped babies champion the news. That he was born to a family who loves him much. That his loved ones sacrifice their sleep to listen to his cries when many other babies have their cries go unheard. That he has baskets of clothes when many others are dressed up in plastic bags and thrown away. That he has a dad who is eagerly waiting for his arrival. He has a mum who worries over his nappy rash. And a grandma who is worried if he is not well fed. Ameer Faheem is surrounded by people who sing selawat as lullabies to put him to sleep, a mum who hugs him when he has nightmares, kisses to soothe his anxiety.. really Ameer Faheem you are one lucky person!

May Allah bestowed Ameer Faheem with Iman

May Allah always guide him to His right path.. Ameen

Faheem

Maybe it's time for me to jot down something.. 1 week more before the final exam.. and me? I'm working hard to at least make the log book 'passable' huhuu.

Yesterday Faheem went for his 1st month checkup + vaccination. And his weight? 3.8kg Alhamdulillah :) There's a hikmah why he was born 1 month earlier I'm sure hehe or else I'd have a hard time to push him out!

Breastfeeding? Not progressing that well haih, well I'm not supposed to give an excuse that I'm busy, but truth is, really I fail to exclusively breastfeed him huu. It's an emotional roller coaster for me. First, people keep saying that I'm undernutritioned, thus explaining Faheem's continuous cry due to hunger huu. Susu badan tak cukup zat lah, susu sikit lah sebab tu Faheem lapar walaupun dah menyusu etc. Sedih jugak when I remember that abang has spent not a small amount of money to buy the breastpump, bottles etc. Sedih when I feel that I'm unable to provide him with the luxury of breastmillk. When you say exclusive breastfeeding, it is not just in the sense that you don't mix it with formula milk, but really breastfeeding a baby is a labour motivated by love indeed. And everytime I breastfeed him, I should say, "From mummy with love!" haha. Truth is, Faheem memang lapar. Just imagine that he can finish 6oz of milk when normal baby drinks 2oz 2 hourly! I keep asking him "Ada jin ke dalam perut faheem ni?? Huuu" Kalau baby biasa feeds for 20 minutes, Faheem ni sejam pun tak cukup huhu, serious macam kebuluran. well he's famished all the time anyway. And really I can't stay up all night breastfeeding him when I have a hectic schedule waiting for me every single day.. another excuse perhaps..

Having a baby provides one with a way different kind of life. I have to fit my schedule into his schedule haha. But despite all that, just looking at him give me such a happiness that nobody can explain. Watching him growing up (or even better- pumping his body up!) presents me with a satisfaction that only a mother can understand. And at times, I just sit down and unbelievably ask myself, "I am a mother? Really, I am a mother?" and I would just say Alhamdulillah for everything that Allah has bestowed on me.

Faheem ni pelik sikit, sebab mulut dia bisng sangat2! I think he takes after the dad who is talkative haha. kan abang kan? He doesn't cry much, but he produces all kind of sounds which can be lumped into 'engine rosak' name anything. enjin kereta rosak, radio rosak, enjin motor rosak etc, and sometimes macam bunyi Tot! I want to write more on Faheem, the things that he does to brighten my everyday mundane life.. but perhaps some other time..

it's the 2 of us again

well, i guess it's the two of us again, faheem. Abang has returned to Jordan, a mission well accomplished insyaAllah. A plan well carried out indeed, which is not possible without Allah's guidance. Abang came back just in time for the labour, stayed with me when I was adjusting to the responsibility of a new mummy, we pulled through the hard times during the first few days of Faheem's life when he had jaundice and we had to check his bilirubin level every other day, and when Faheem was warded due to fever (he was discharged yesterday). Something to be reminisced forever, when Faheem was warded in PPUM, both of us stayed in the ward, and we shared a single bed haha while Faheem was given a baby cot. The nurse hinted that Abang shouldn't spend the night there, but I refused to understand. It was a paediatric ward, not an O&G ward. That was when I realized that Faheem is such a well behaved baby (despite perangai ngade2 dia yg nak kena dukung sentiasa). There was a baby who I think had colic, and whoa the mother was very patient handling his crying spell which occured I think every 5 to 10 mins.. At least Faheem stops crying when he is being fed.

2 days ago Faheem weighed 3kg. Alhamdulillah. Terubat sket hati mummy yang operating 24 hours as kilang susu Faheem haha. He doesn't look as skinny as before, his skin doesn't wrinkle like before and his double chin is developing hehe.

I might stop writing for the tine being. 4 months is perceived as extra long.. guess that is how long we have to wait before we get to meet abang again, and I have started missing him.. But 4 months definitely is not that long before Professional Exam, and I have to work hard. Do pray for us...