Missing my Ameer Faheem

Missing my Ameer Faheem. Missing him like crazy. Dah lama Ameer Faheem duduk kedah. Dah 2 minggu. When we call him, he says, "Daddy ambikla faheem bawa balik rumah faheem". Sayunya. Sometimes I cry alone and sometimes I sleep on his bed. Sometimes I feel like bombing my workplace for stealing my time with him. I really want to bring him back, but with the current work demand, I cant afford to take care of him without the aid of a maid.

Abang selalu cakap, kita kena selalu ingat, orang yang paling banyak berkorban di permulaan kehidupan kami yang susah ni adalah Ameer Faheem.Dan abang selalu cakap, Ameer Faheem akan selalu jadi nombor satu dihatinya, tak kira berapa ramai anak yang kami bakal ada insyaAllah. Betul cakap abang. Ameer Faheem yang bersama mommy diwaktu mommy berjuang untuk final exam. Ameer Faheem juga yang bersama kami ketika abang mengharungi tahun akhir di jordan. Ameer Faheem yang bersabar dengan kami ketika kami letih pulang bekerja dan kurang sabarnya. Kadang2 dia menangis bila dimarah, kadang2 dia merajuk diam, kami pula yang tersentuh. Ameer Faheem bersama dengan kami ketika kami berpindah randah sepanjang 5 tahun berkahwin. Bermula dengan saat aku mengandungkan dia, kami tinggal di rumah sewa abang dengan kawannya. Kemudian kami pindah ke rumah sewa sendiri di Jordan selepas mommy graduated. Pulang ke malaysia, kita berteduh di rumah nenek untuk seketika. Sebelum kita berpindah ke rumah sewa bersebalahn hospital. Sekarang kita tinggal di kuarters hospital pula. Jauh perjalanan Ameer Faheem bersama kami.

InsyaAllah ada rezqi kita dapat berpindah ke rumah kita sendiri tak lama lagi. Berkobar2 semangat mommy nak hias rumah biar selesa untuk kita sekeluarga, dan bina garden yang cantik tempat Ameer Faheem main dan membesar. Berkobar2 juga nak hias bilik Ameer Faheem, biar jadi syurga dunia untuk Ameer Faheem.

Memang masa dengan Ameer Faheem sangat terhad. Dan Ameer Faheem jadi rebellious kerana itu. Kadang2 susah benar untuk bersabar dengan kerenah 'rebellious' berselikan kepenatan bekerja, tapi insyaAllah mommy and daddy akan ada banyak masa untuk Ameer Faheem selepas ini. InsyaAllah. Moga ada rezqimu Ameer Faheem.

Kadang2 mommy marah bila Ameer Faheem wakes me up, telling me that he wants to poo in the loo. Sometimes I just turn a pair of deaf ears to him when he says "mummy faheem nak kencing", and tell him to pee in his pampers. Sometimes I ignore his request to bathe himself. Sometimes i am in such a hurry to entertain his choice of clothes. And most of the times, I don't have time to prepare meal for him.

May Allah give me strength to change things soon..

Moving on..

Moving on to a new phase of life.. and preparing myself to bid farewell to housemanship. I bet I will never miss that one, just as how I have never missed my schooling days or university life or whatever that I have left behind..

Whatever that I have gone through, are the things that make me into the present human, but to walk back the paths that I have long left is a definite no no insyaAllah :)

Finishing housemanship means, one have more touch with reality. I am now more concerned of the SKT (Performance Evaluation) which I have totally abandoned during my exhausting housemanship days I am concerned of the static monthly salary just because I have never submitted the SKT haha. I start to plan for Ameer Faheem's education and daily fulfilling activities; which I never before had the chance to do so. I start choosing book for his bedtime stories and feeling determined to eradicate all the indonesian slang and words in no time. I start packing to move out to a new place (although it might be end of this year), a thing that I have always enjoyed in the past (packing!). I managed to peek into the cartons of teasets and dinnerware which I have collected for the past 2 years. I am familiarizing myself to the concept of locum and introducing myself to GPs haha. Abang and me have a sketch book now where we sketch the plan of our dream house everyday, despite not knowing when it will turn into a reality.

Hello better life :) InsyaAllah..