exam result was out..yesterday. And alhamdulillah, i obtained a P (Pass), without the D for sure (D stand for distinction). I was expecting an F instead (Fail). The result made me think again and again, I've always expected (and hoping) for a failure since i was in year 1 so that I could just quit without filling guilty (how stupid does that sound??) and a sound advice from Prof Nasa (move on, move on until you graduate, and you can always postpone your housemanship) is 1 of the things that keep me moving (of course the main bulk of motivation comes from my beloved Ummi). Talking about a medical student who really regrets the decision embarking on this journey.. i'm not saying it's a tough one as compared to others, but i'm telling you that it is a lonely one. It reminds me of an episode of House MD, when a young gypsy lad was offered to work in the hospital (he was actually warded with the complain of abdominal pain), but he was quite knowledgeable in term of medical knowledge which he learnt by himself.. but he ended saying to Foreman n Cameron something that i vaguely remember as "I don't see any ring on your fingers. You may think you are successful but you are not happy. You don't have a family". Gosh, maybe I should be a gypsy and seduce athiq into buying a caravan to live a nomad life??? Haha, way out of the topic. Talking about being with each other all the time :D
So as to wash away that lonely feeling (btw, you have so many friends, but being far away from the family is a lonely business indeed), I try to build my own family, plus having a kid whom I can bring anywhere I go haha. I have always hoped that somehow my family would move to Kuantan during my study period (how lame) :D
But life is not easy and simple, and life has been designated by the Almighty to be in certain pattern. Allah keeps giving me a Pass when I think I don't even deserve it...kenapala tak paham2 lagi petunjuk Allah?? That a muslim strives hard to be successful in both worlds. I keep asking myself, "Batul, are you trying to deny?? Kenapala buat2 tak paham jugak?? He keeps showing me the path that I should traverse, he keeps my spirit up" ~sigh~ A human is one creature that never feels grateful. Maybe I should stop whining after all and concentrate on marching forth. I'll try to be better in O&G :D
P/s: I already have one CP and determined to work hard to fill up my logbook this time around ngeh~
Congrats to Amy n Zanaridah for the wonderful D! Baby n mommy are waiting for some reward ngeeeee.